Don't Let Me Be Lonely
by Joyful-Sound
Summary: Four long years ago, Jessica Day walked out of Nick Miller's life, leaving behind more questions than answers. Nick was sure he would never see her again after that fight. Life, however, seemed to have other plans. When Jess comes crashing back into him, can Nick cope with the life-altering surprise that she has in tow? And what does it mean for their not-so-platonic relationship?
1. Prologue

**Wow... It's been such a long time since I attempted a full multi-chapter story. I've actually had parts of this written for months now, but pretty much forced myself to finish this before I posted anything. I'm pretty excited as to how this turned out, and can't wait to share it all with you guys!  
**

**Anyway, this story is based _ loosely_ off of a song called "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" by The Band Perry. It's actually a pretty awesome album, so go check it out if you have time. I was just sitting in my room one night, listening to this song, when this story popped into my head, so I felt like it needed some addressing in the plot.  
**

**As my usual disclaimer, I own nothing; not the song or the show. Just a fan spending my free time with a keyboard and an imagination. **

* * *

Prologue

_I need a saving grace  
A hiding place  
I don't have forever or time to waste  
So don't let me be lonely_

There were days that Nick Miller wished that he could go back to being a carefree thirty-something, with no ambition and nothing expected out of him. It was a time when the most stressful thing he had to do was figure out how to start the washing machine, or try to talk Schmidt out of something stupid, like buying a fish.

Granted, that feeling was rare, now that he owned a bar and could consider himself somewhat successful (well, far beyond what anyone had expected out of him), but there were still those times when that feeling came. Sitting in five-o'clock traffic, he couldn't help but let his thoughts reflect on it.

Today had been one of those days.

His longtime coworker and now nighttime manager, Big Bob, had forgotten to order their top-shelf stock for the week, along with the mixers for them. There was a bachelor party coming this week. He was on his way to one of the nearby grocery stores on his way home, in hopes they could manage at least tomorrow without running out. One of his bartenders had just quit, so they were short staffed. And, not to mention, his girlfriend Julia had not only moved in with him this month, they had also kind-of talked about (and agreed upon) getting engaged.

Okay, so he hadn't _objected_ when she'd brought up the idea of getting engaged last week, after a trip to her hometown that sent her home with some of her grandmother's possessions (ring included), but he wasn't ready to say that he was getting married. Of course, he couldn't exactly put that apprehension into words, especially after the fact.

It was just too freaking much at once.

As he put on the gas just a little harder, _stupid LA drivers always riding my bumper_, Nick reminded himself – as he did on every bad day – that today was by far better than what he called The Worst Day of His Life. No, that title alone was reserved for the day that Jessica Day walked out of his life, taking every last emotion that he had with her.

There was a dip in the pit of his stomach, a sour reminder of why he never thought about it.

It had taken him months to recover. Some people would consider that the push he needed to do nothing but work, save money, and eventually have enough to take over the bar when his boss wanted to sell it, but Nick knew differently. He had done nothing but work because there simply wasn't anything else he _wanted_ to do without her. He had saved up because _she_ was the original push to do something with his life, to start a modest savings account and plan a future. Luck would just have it that he could make something positive out of the breakup.

Nick's grip on the steering wheel tightened. He had to pull over, the emotions washing over him too quickly.

_Don't freak out. You haven't done this is a long time…_

He couldn't even remember what they'd argued about, but _damn_ was she mad at him.

He closed his eyes momentarily, squeezing out the memory of her long, dark hair. How she smelled in the morning, and the way she'd kissed him at night. Those deep eyes, always so full of life, but forever etched in his mind in the way he last saw them – red, puffy, full of regret, and… _empty_.

The echo of the door slamming, the shadow of very last time he saw her, still resonating in his head.

So then came Julia, who had wandered into the bar that first night he had taken over, all businesslike and professional and pretty much the anti-Jess, and had wormed her way into his life again. She had taken charge. _She_ wanted _him_. He finally felt like they were equals – and it was a great feeling.

Snapping him out of his haze, his phone buzzed. Speak of the devil.

Julia's number flashed on screen.

_Hey babe, know it's been a hard day. If you'll pick up some French bread at the store, I'm making dinner. _

Nick felt a smile tug at his lips while typing his reply. Short and sweet, just how he liked it. Putting up the phone, he pulled the car back into traffic and started toward the store. Just when he thought he was going to crash, Julia reminded him exactly why he stayed where he was.

* * *

"I just need you to watch her for an hour, Cece."

Miles away from Nick Miller, two women stood in the center of an apartment, one holding the hand of a toddler by her side.

"Why did you call me, Jess? After four years, you call _me_." the other woman, Cece, asked. Jess was silent, visibly torn as Cece eyed the little girl at Jess's side. "I could think of someone who'd be much better for this job," she added, her voice full of implications.

_God, how can a child look so much like both of them?_

"I'll explain everything tonight," Jess pleaded, "but I start work tomorrow and need to go get her stuff for daycare. There's no one else here in LA. She's been cranky all day. This is all new to her – it's a lot to take in. Just put on Nemo or something and she'll be good for an hour."

The model let out a breath of air. After falling off the face of the Earth for four years, only Jess could find a way call her up out of the blue and ask for a favor like this. Jess knew the face. Cece had caved.

Jess picked her daughter up, turning to face her friend. "Sweetheart, this is your Aunt Cece. She wants to watch a movie with you."

The girl's blue eyes dug into her, her face the epitome of grumpy – _where had she seen that before?_ – but to Cece's surprise, the toddler reached out and let Cece take her from Jess without a fight. A small head soon rested gently on her shoulder.

"Thank you, Cece" Jess smiled earnestly, then looked toward the child. "Be good, Aly, I'll be back soon."

Cece watched as Jess walked out the door, and couldn't help but hug Aly just a little closer.

Her life was about to be turned upside down.

* * *

**Good? Bad? In desperate need of a beta (yeah, yeah, I know)? **

**All constructive comments are welcome - I'm looking forward to making this hiatus just a little more bearable. **


	2. Chapter 1

**So I'm floored by the response to this story! Thank you guys so much for the kind words! **

**I realize that "updating regularly" means a lot of different things to different people. So, let me say this - I'm aiming for every other day, possibly minus weekends, given that work or school don't distract me. I've still got some editing to do on the later chapters (this is my longest story yet), so that's the only reason for the wait.**

**And, for those curious, Schmidt and Winston do play small rolls later on in the story, and Cece actually makes quite a few appearances.  
**

**Hope you all enjoy! **

* * *

Chapter 1

Nick dug his hands into his pocket a little harder as he passed a booth of Tree Scouts, or something of that nature, selling cookies as he made his way into the supermarket. Even though he avoided eye contact at all costs, a girl no more than seven piped up when he passed. _Dammit._

"Wanna buy some cookies?" She chirped, holding up a box with lemons on it.

Nick edged away.

_Don't panic moonwalk. Do. Not. Panic. Moonwalk_.

Not that he'd done that in years, but he'd already had a meltdown today; he wasn't going to push his luck.

"Uh, no thanks, I've got tons of cookies at home." With this, he patted his stomach.

_Way to say it like a creep._

The girl's eyes fell – but only just a little bit – until the couple behind him stepped into her sight. She immediately looked away and asked them the same, perky, overly-rehearsed question to the next poor souls. They, however, seemed to fall for it.

Nick took this opportunity to steal away.

Kids were weird, foreign beings to him. There was just no way around it. Even in his family, they were just overly sensitive humans that you apparently couldn't say things like "dammit" in front of, because they'd repeat it. This, apparently, was not nearly as amusing to society as it was to him. And the person that seemed to always catch it was their mother, who would just stare at Nick with a disapproving shake of her head.

(Sadly, this had happened to him on his last trip to Chicago.)

The automatic doors slid shut behind him, the buzz of after-work shoppers reminding him why he had come in the first place. Grabbing a handbasket, he began to make his way to the back, where he knew the bread was, and stopped at a small display of flowers.

_Julia would like flowers tonight, right?_

She did make him dinner, so he picked up a bundle of tulips and walked on. Casually glancing down the aisles, he noticed the store was busier than usual. Moms and kids, teenagers, even some college girls with Greek letters on their shirts milled about (most in the aisle he picked up the margarita mix, no less).

His handbasket heavy with enough mixers to tide the bar over until tomorrow, he started towards the bakery. Just as he could smell the bread, an image in the next-to-last aisle stopped him dead in his tracks.

His heart beat like a drum in his ears.

A dark-haired woman, around his age, was reaching up to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, hopping up to grab onto the edge. Her glasses bounced on the edge of her nose, and the small black flats she wore tapped lightly on the linoleum as her feet hit the floor. She was quirky. Nick watched her, time fading into slow motion.

She wasn't just any woman.

_It can't be. _

Turning around, surely because she felt someone watching her, her eyes met Nick, and he knew he was right.

Those wide blue eyes that had haunted him for so long were staring back at him. From twenty feet away, there was still no mistaking who that was.

"Je- " he reached out, almost dropping the flowers, before she spun on her heel and walked off. Nick blinked, and she had already vanished into the crowd of people in the aisle.

It was like she'd never been there in the first place.

Had that really just happened?

He gripped the edge of the flowers, trying to pull himself together. He'd never had any sort of delusion outside sleep or painkillers (well, okay, plus alcohol and _occasional_ plants), and certainly nothing like that even in his dreams, but she'd been gone so fast, he started to doubt that it was _real_.

Besides, Jess was gone. Last he had heard, she had moved away from LA. Why would she have any reason to come back?

Shaking his head, Nick continued on his journey to find French bread, swiftly reminded that he had a perfectly fine girlfriend (well, fiancée now) at home, waiting for him, who had helped clean up the mess that Jessica Day had left behind. That had been years ago, and he had been so sure that he had moved on. Seeing her should have made him angrier than it did.

After what felt like an eternity, he found the bread that Julia had asked for. He picked up a bag, checking the label. Offhandedly, he wondered why a bakery could charge so much more for something with the word "French" in front of it. It really didn't taste that much different than the good old white bread his Ma had used when he was growing up.

Just as his heart had begun to settle down, he turned around, only to be struck by something moving quite fast.

Or, rather, _someone_.

A box of cereal fell to the ground, a few _omph_s directed at the floor, and he soon registered it was a woman, steadying herself away from him. Flustered, Nick took a step back, and for the second time that day, felt his stomach drop.

"Oh, I'm so – "

"Jess?" His voice shook.

She froze at her name. Slowly, she let her eyes travel up to meet his gaze. He bent down to pick up the box, and as he rose, she took a hold of the other side, tucking the box back under her arm. She briefly considered spinning on her heel and leaving like the last time, but there was no way she could avoid him forever.

She just hadn't been ready for this _so soon_.

"Don't leave," he stated, like he was reading her mind. "Sorry, I just didn't expect to see you here."

She laughed, almost sarcastically. "Imagine my surprise."

"I was just thinking about you earlier," Nick admitted, then after realizing what he said, he winced.

"Oh," Jess replied, awkwardly. "That's… Nice, I suppose."

"No, no! It wasn't bad!" He covered. "Just wondering what happened to you, after… you know…"

"Oh." She avoided his gaze. Yeah, he figured she didn't like to relive that day, either.

"I…" Nick began, not quite willing to let her leave. His tongue was heavy, miserably failing at getting the words out that he had rehearsed so long ago. Jess took a deep breath. Little did he know, she couldn't let him leave, either.

"Would you like to catch up sometime?" She asked abruptly. Her hands were shaking, but Nick didn't notice. He was more interested in her face, absorbing every little detail. Her eyes darted around the area, keenly aware that there were a lot of people around them, clearly annoyed that they were blocking an aisle. "I mean, like, go someplace where it's normal for two people to hold a conversation?"

"Jess I've got…a… thing," he stammered, holding up the flowers. It occurred to him that his shopping basket may have been a better option to hold up.

Jess understood. She wasn't going to lie to herself and say that she was disappointed, but the Jess and Nick ship had sailed, and she knew that was a possibility when she came back to LA. It was time to be an adult about all of this.

"Not like that," she replied firmly. "We just need…." She searched for how to explain it, without actually telling him his life was about to get a whole lot different.

"Closure?" Nick offered, wistfully hopeful.

"You can call it that," Jess nodded, but didn't entirely agree. Closure really wasn't what it would be, but how do you prepare someone for what she was about to do?

* * *

Nick drove home in a daze, still not quite able to determine if Jess's sudden reappearance had been a figment of his imagination.

He had a little piece of paper in his pocket, with her phone number scrawled on it, which suggested otherwise. If nothing else, he'd find out for sure tomorrow when they met for dinner. Should Julia come along? Jess didn't make it seem like it was an exclusive thing.

Actually, Jess didn't make it seem like anything at all.

For months after their breakup, Nick had imagined finding her again. He'd figured she would be restored to her full self, sunshine and rainbows and just _radiating_ personality. He had imagined feeling heartbroken, and maybe even attempting to tell her he was at least sorry, like a repeat of Caroline.

He half expected a wedding invite to eventually come, like twisting the knife.

He had never guessed that this long-awaited reunion would have _him_ on the brighter side of that assumption.

There was something off about her, something that had vanished the second that she saw him across the aisle. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, but he knew that she'd have to give in and explain it tomorrow.

He arrived home, grabbing the bag of bread and the flowers (the other stuff could wait until morning), and walked up to the door to the duplex he and Julia shared. Opening it and stepping inside, the smell of spaghetti was thick in the air, and he noticed that Julia had even dimmed the lights above their table for added effect.

Julia strode out of the kitchen, still in her fitted skirt and jacket from work.

"Hey! I hope you're hungry!"

His stomach answered that for him. Julia laughed, kissing him lightly on the cheek. Nick handed her the bread and then the flowers, the latter causing her smile to broaden further.

"Nick, you really didn't have to," She answered, clearly not serious about her comment. She pulled one out of the plastic, setting the delicate form in the center of the table. "Let me go put these up and we can eat."

"Sure," Nick sat down. What a change of pace. "Hey, Julia, you'll never guess who – "

She cut him off. "Oh! Did I tell you I found some good wedding magazines at the office? Nothing girly, very practical."

"Um, that's great… I think…" He stammered. She hated it when he did this, so he thought another attempt to change the subject was in order. "No, but really I wanted to tell you – "

She reappeared at the table, holding two plates of spaghetti. "Don't tell me you're second guessing this _again_."

Clearly, changing the subject had been taken out of context.

"Julia," he argued, "I'm not backing out of anything, I'm trying to tell you –"

She rolled her eyes, but it didn't hide the hurt in her voice. "Come on, Nick, I made you dinner, which is huge for me. Why are you always so defensive about this stuff?"

He sighed, giving in. It was useless to try to argue this one now. I didn't used to be like this, did it? "I'm just tired. We'll talk wedding stuff, later, though, okay?"

Wordlessly, Julia set a plate in front of him. Brushing her side by his chair, the smell of her perfume flooding his senses, she went to take her place across from Nick. It was obvious by that look that he was expected to make the next move – preferably an apology.

"Look, Julia, I'm sorry," he began, reaching across the table to take her hand. "This is all happening really fast, and just let my head catch up, okay? I've never been the guy for change."

"Well," she sighed, her hand forming into his, "I do know. I'm not one either, but it's time, I think. We've both put this off for a long time."

Nick smiled, trying to be sincere. She really was the best thing he could have asked for, given the state that she had taken him in.

"Yeah, but I think we can work through that."

Julia nodded. "At least promise we can tell your family sometime soon? You're not very good at keeping secrets."

"Tell ya what," Nick squeezed her hand, "we can talk after dinner tomorrow. So we can eat in peace tonight. You should come with me, I was trying to tell you earlier that I ran into – "

"Tomorrow night?" Julia prodded. "I was assigned to another custody case at work. The initial meeting is at five, and I know it'll take awhile because the divorce paperwork made it sound pretty ugly."

"Oh, " Nick replied. "After that?"

She grinned. "Yeah, we can do that."

* * *

Hours later, after dinner was finished, the dishes long put away, and Julia had retired to bed, Nick picked up his phone and snuck outside. Chilly breezes greeted him, and he pulled his jacket a little tighter. He hit a button on his phone, dialing one of the few numbers he knew by heart.

It rang longer than usual, but Nick credited that to the late hour.

"Hello?" A groggy voice sounded on the other end.

"Schmidt?" Nick replied, pulling the phone closer to his ear. "It's Nick."

"Yes, _Nicholas_," the voice came back, sarcastically, "I think I got that much."

"Look, sorry to call so late," he began, cut off by Schmidt's loud, dramatic sigh, "but I have to tell you who I ran into today. You're not gonna believe it."

A pause.

"Was it Jess?"

Nick's heart nearly stopped. "Did you see her, too?"

"No," Schmidt answered, "Cece did."

"Cece!" Nick jumped, putting his palm on his forehead. Of course Jess would call her best friend. "Did she find out what happened? Have they been in contact? Do you know what's she's been up to, I mean, she looked really – "

"Nick," Schmidt interrupted. "None of us have heard from her in years. Today was the first time Cece has seen her since she left LA."

"Oh," Nick sighed. "We're doing dinner tomorrow."

There was silence on the end of the line.

"Schmidt?"

"Sorry," he replied, his voice sounding more alert. "I just thought she would want to wait longer than that, that's all."

"So you've talked to her?" Nick felt like his heart was in his stomach. The air became suddenly thick. Why did he care so much about who Jess was talking to, let alone what she was talking about?

"No, I'm hearing all of this from Cece," Schmidt replied hastily. Then, his tone hardened. "Just promise me that you'll take this slow, okay?"

"Schmidt, I'm in a relationship," he affirmed.

He could hear murmuring on the other end. Schmidt was being called back to bed. "Not exactly what I meant. Look, Nick, I - "

"Can I ask you something before you go?" Nick took in a breath, just wanting the honest truth for once. His head was a jumbled mess.

"What?"

"Did you know where she went? Before tonight, at least?"

Schmidt groaned, exactly like every other time Nick had asked this question. "No, I swear I didn't know anything. Neither did Cece. Neither did Winston. Believe me, we would've told you had we known. We didn't want you to be a miserable, crying _pathetic excuse of a human_." Then, another sigh. "We didn't like seeing you like that."

Nick's heart slowed down only slightly, but it was a start.

"Thanks, man. I'm just glad to finally be getting some kind of closure, you know?"

Silence. Then, almost distantly, "Yeah, I know."

* * *

**Next chapter's a big one - keep on the lookout! **


	3. Chapter 2

**So, as promised, here's Chapter 2. This is one of the very first scenes that I imagined when I thought of doing this story, and I'm pretty excited about how it turned out. This was supposed to be posted this weekend, but I tried (and didn't quite make the deadline) for the prom challenge. I may put something like it up later, but life kinda happened this weekend and I had maybe two hours to myself. **

**Anyway, thanks again for all of the wonderful feedback! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it!**

* * *

Chapter 2

"Just be careful this time, okay?"

The words stung Jess as she handed over a list of emergency numbers, and various other just-in-case notes, the implications of her old friend's comment cutting into parts of her heart that she had kept hidden away for so long.

"Did Schmidt ever tell you about the fight?" Jess asked, looking Cece in the eye.

She winced. "He told me it was bad, but he didn't hear the whole thing. Nick never really opened up about it."

With this, Jess let out a breath of air. They'd been going in circles over this for the hour that Cece had been there. The two stood by the door in silence, only breaking their stare to glance around at Aly, perched on the couch looking intently through a picture book.

"I really am sorry about leaving," Jess finally managed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…" She glanced at Aly again.

"I know," Cece replied simply, stepping around Jess and shooting her a weak smile. "And I don't want to sound like I'm blaming you. You just didn't have to watch Nick shut down like he did. It was like he was alive but he'd just stopped _living_."

Jess eyed her old friend sadly, wishing that _'I'm sorry'_ could fix the mess that she had made. She knew that none of her friends had any reason to forgive her after watching Nick spiral down. It was hard, though, still knowing that he'd gone on to do exactly what she left him time for... Growing up.

To her surprise, Cece pulled Jess into a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around the woman she'd spent so much time over her life with. Even though the better part of four years had separated them, Jess stilled considered Cece her closest friend.

"Thank you for watching her again," Jess whispered. "I'm not sure how tonight would've gone if you hadn't."

"Anytime," she replied, letting Jess go. "Especially for you. And I know you're nervous about leaving her again, but we'll be fine. Good luck tonight."

Jess sighed, turning around to grab her purse and hug her daughter good-bye.

"Thanks... I have a feeling I'll need it."

* * *

As fate would have it, the heartless Los Angeles skiy began misting the instant Nick pulled out of the driveway. He fidgeted with his phone, tossing around the idea of checking to make sure that Jess could get to the restaurant okay. After everything, he didn't want things like cold, slick roads (in LA, in March, of all things) to bar them from trying to close a dark chapter in their lives.

Still, he decided to keep his hands off of his phone. It would probably be too strange to ask if she needed a ride, anyway.

A few minutes later, Nick pulled the car into the parking lot of the little deli they decided previously to meet at, peering around for the blue monster that Jess used to call her car. It occurred to him that she could have a new car, and it the corners of his mouth tugged down. The thought was not pleasant. He just didn't want to think that she could have given up something that he had always associated so closely with her.

Even when he'd gone to look at a new car (well, a new to _him_ car), the only reason he handed over the keys to his old clunker was because Julia was there and he swore he wouldn't do weird stuff, like get choked up over a car, in front of her.

He pulled open the door, only to see two round, familiar headlights appear in the lot, prompting a sigh of relief. So at least _that_ hadn't changed. The car slowed to a stop in a spot near to him, and Nick waited for Jess to get out before approaching her.

Her sense of style hadn't changed a bit. Even in the teased time between winter and spring, she could still find a way to wear a pastel dress. This one just seemed had the distinction of sleeves and a matching jacket.

"Hey," he strode over, catching her gaze.

"Hey," she replied, a slight edge in her voice. Closing the door to her car, she pulled her purse over her shoulder and took the first step towards the building.

_Here goes nothing. _

* * *

Nick was getting annoyed quickly.

He understood having a new life, and the need to keep up with the world, but honestly, who checks their phone every three minutes when they're trying to have a conversation?

They were seated in a window booth, the warmth of their bodies causing the glass to fog around the edges. Their waitress had taken their order a few minutes prior, and any conversation that Nick had tried to start had ended in an awkward "Yeah," or "Me, too."

She'd asked casually about what the flowers yesterday were for, and all Nick could muster about that one was "Remember Julia? You know, the one you hated? Yeah, we're together again."

He was glad to be done with _that_ conversation.

Jess looked down again, doing a terrible job at hiding an attempt at checking her messages.

"You expecting a call?" He asked, evenly, trying to keep his voice from hinting irritation.

Jess jumped. "Um, no, I mean, not really. It's just… There's a lot to do now that I'm back, and I guess you could say I'm expecting something to happen… Not that I _want_ anything to happen…"

This just confused Nick further. More silence. The elephant in the room wasn't getting any smaller. If anything, it was charging the air, like one small spark could bring bad a hoard of less-than-pleasant memories.

_Now or never_, he told himself. He took a deep breath.

"Why _are_ you back, Jess?"

"I…" her eyes widened – _still as breathtaking as ever_ – and Nick could tell she was struggling with her words, "I wanted to come back. Los Angeles is ou – _my_ home."

She checked her phone again.

"Can I start by asking you where you went?" He took a sip of his water, relieved to at least be getting answers out of her.

"Back to Portland," she admitted. "I didn't have much of a choice."

While going back to Portland made sense to Nick, he wasn't convinced that she had no other option. "You could've traveled the world. We all thought you'd taken off to Australia or something, the way you just disappeared."

She snorted, letting her inner pessimist bubble to the surface, but quickly recovered. There was a lot more than just sarcasm put into it, and Nick didn't miss her little slip up. He stared at her, waiting for her to explain.

"What?" She asked finally.

"What was that about?" He blinked, curious. Jess had never been like that.

"Priorities," she answered. Nick just looked at her, and she let out a breath. "I mean, priorities change… People change. It was just funny that you guys thought I was… _happy-go-lucky_."

Nick's heard leapt into his throat.

_Because you were _always_ happy-go-lucky._

Was there anyway that breakup had hurt her just as much as it had hurt him?

Before he could have that question answered, the waitress arrived with their food, and Jess dug into her plate like she wanted an excuse not to talk, taking a bite at the precise point when Nick opened his mouth. He wasn't having it. She had asked him here, after all.

Instead of prodding her with more questions, he just watched her. Although there were slight changes in her appearance – most notably the dark circles just barely visible under her eyes – the fours years she'd spent doing whatever it took to avoid him had been kind to her. She wasn't looking much older, although there was something about her face that was different, and he couldn't quite place why that was.

"Not gonna lie Nick, the staring has got to stop," she said, snapping Nick out of his thoughts. There was a little light in her eyes, a shadow of who she once was, and he recognized the jest in her voice. For the first time that night, he laughed.

"It's just weird, seeing you here after four years of wondering where you were."

Her smiled tightened. "Did you even come looking for me?"

Nick's eyes fell, his stomach too tied in knots to take another bite.

"Jess, you moved out while I was at work, how was I supposed to know where you went? I tried Cece's. I even tried the school. Your teacher friend – what's her name, Tanya? – told me that I should wait it out."

"Oh," Jess grinned sheepishly, "I stayed with her before I left. She helped me get a job in Portland."

Jess didn't even bother to hide her phone under the table when she checked it this time.

_Now_ Nick was fully annoyed.

"How can you just pass off something like that, Jess?" He asked, almost harshly. "All of your friends were worried sick, while you slept on a friend's couch before going straight back to your parents!"

The spark had been lit.

Something snapped in Jess right then, letting loose a feeling that she'd tried to put away for so long. Just because she was trying to make things right didn't mean that she had completely forgiven Nick Miller for what he did to her that night. She hadn't moved out over a little fight.

"You don't even know," she retorted.

"Then enlighten me, Jess," Nick folded his arms across his chest. "Since, you know, you're the only one that's suffered in all of this."

"Don't go there, Nick," she fired back. "Please, don't go there. I was hoping tonight would be a mature meeting between two people who wanted to catch up. I -"

"_Catch up_?" Nick raised his voice before being keenly aware of a few pairs of eyes in the once-quiet deli glaring at them. Then, lower, he said "You can't just have what we had, and call this _catching up_. I came because I wanted to finally figure out what happened to us, and maybe even… I don't know! Get you back as a friend?"

His last words helped Jess visibly relax. "You think we could be friends after all of that?"

"Maybe…" he rubbed his neck. "I don't know, we could see how it goes. We can't avoid each other for – "

Jess's phone buzzed. Snatching it up, like she wasn't mid-conversation, she pulled it to her ear and answered with a frantic "Hello?"

It was clear there was someone crying on the other end, the high-pitched whine of her phone distorting the sound. Nick's ears perked, he could see the concern etched in Jess's face. Her hand went to her mouth, then over the receiver.

"Where could see have gotten it?" Jess asked, her gaze avoiding Nick's. Her voiced lowered even more, and the next few sentences he only caught in shaky fragments.

"There's a bottle…"

"No, bottom left… "

More crying.

"I'll be there in five."

Hanging up the phone, Jess pulled a ten-dollar bill out of her purse and shoved it to Nick.

"I've got to go."

"Jess, wait," Nick began, only to be cut off by her hand.

"We can talk another time, I'll tell you everything," she replied hastily, "but I _have_ to go."

The look on her face was enough to cause Nick to worry.

"Just tell me you'll be alright," he pleaded.

Walking away, she shot him an apologetic glance. "It's not me I'm worried about."

And she was gone. Out the door in the blink of an eye.

Nick's brain went into overdrive. What in the world was that? Did she have some crazy boyfriend? Who could have caused that kind of abrupt departure? Was it a friend in trouble?

She hadn't seen Cece in years, and surely if anything was wrong, he'd of heard it from Schmidt by now. Maybe it was none of his business. Somehow, though, anything that dealt with Jess like that still felt like his business.

His mind reeling, he made a split second decision to follow her.

He flagged the waitress down, praying that she could get their check quickly. She appeared to sense the stress in his voice, and given Jess's less-than-subtle walk out, it seemed like she understood.

Nick was out in the parking lot just in time to see where Jess turned out to go home.

Doing nothing short of sprinting to his car, he noticed that the freezing rain had graciously let up and he actually had a chance of following her… If only to make sure that she was okay. Yes, he'd just make sure she got home all right. That was all he was doing.

Nick was, in that moment, grateful for his car; it made him feel a little more at ease following her in something that she probably didn't recognize. Still, he kept a three-car distance from her tail lights at all times, and only had to run a questionably yellow light once to keep up.

She finally parked in a lot not too far from an apartment building, so Nick pulled into a visitor spot close to the front of the complex. Jess still had the phone glued to her ear as she strode up to the building right in front of him, taking the adjacent stairs in twos. She stopped on the second landing, her shadow still visible in the porch lights above, and disappeared into the third door down.

Nick's heart was still racing when an eerie silence settled over him.

_So now what?_

Jess sure as hell didn't look okay walking in. Maybe he should do a stroll down the hall in a few minutes? Just to make sure there was no screaming? Nothing out of the ordinary?

He watched the light in the window intensely, waiting for a shadow to cross. When nothing happened for a few minutes, he decided to go up just to make sure. Before he could open his car door, though, the front door opened and a tall, picturesque figure strode out.

Nick knew who she was the minute she reached the edge of the stairs.

_Cece. _

This was definitely an interesting twist.

He wasn't entirely sure the situation made sense – why would Cece, who he was certain was still living with Schmidt, call Jess from Jess's apartment? Why was Cece there by herself in the first place? Why was this something so major twenty minutes ago, yet she can now calmly leave? Nothing really fit together, and the curiosity smoldered in the back of Nick's head, until it clouded all rational thought.

As soon as Cece's car turned onto the main road and out of sight, Nick stepped out of his car. Normal Nick Miller would have run from something like this. Normal Nick Miller would have said,_ "She's fine, I'm going home_." Normal Nick Miller would have run back to Julia, like any halfway decent boyfriend/fiancé/roommate.

The way he was drawn to this, however, was far from normal.

So his feet, almost like they had a mind of their own, carried him to the building. He didn't know what he would face when he got there, but that didn't seem to stop him from climbing the stairs. Even as he reached the door that he knew she had gone in, he didn't have a plan.

He knocked.

Once, twice, three times. Each repeat was just a little louder than the previous. Or was that his heart hammering in his chest?

There were footsteps on the other end, but no voice. The footfalls were very light, and right as he heard them reach the door, the knob turned and Jess's answer rose faintly from behind.

"Cece, I told you she's – "

The door swung open, and the first thing Nick saw were Jess's wide eyes, her mouth still open, cut off in mid-sentence. She was as surprised as he was.

Then, there was a sight even more mystifying.

She wasn't alone.

Little arms wound around her neck, and a crop of wispy dark hair that didn't belong to Jess fell across one of her shoulders. A second pair of blue eyes stared right back at Nick, a miniature copy of the woman before him. She even had on a small flannel nightgown. The toddler's face was streaked and teary, and one cheek was squished against the fabric of Jess's dress, but it wasn't enough to distort one very important detail.

When the girl looked straight at him, Nick knew that he had seen this kid's face before.

Except last time, it was almost thirty years ago, staring back from a mirror.

* * *

**Don't kill me for the cliffhanger. The next chapter is ridiculously long, promise!**


	4. Chapter 3

**In honor of July 4th (you'll see after this chapter), I'm posting this a little early. I'm heading out of town this weekend, so my updates may be sparse until next week, but we'll see.  
**

**This chapter took me awhile, not gonna lie. It's a long one - as promised - and I hope I did it justice.  
**

* * *

Chapter 3

There were no words.

It was undeniable. She… She was _his_.

He really didn't need to ask that question; nor the how or the when, because he had a pretty good timeline in his head of _that_. The scene before him assuaged most of his previous concerns, but raised many, _many_ more.

Jess appeared too terrified to say the first words.

"I just came to, uh… make sure that you were okay."

His words were shaky, barely scratching the surface of what he actually felt like.

Jess nodded, her lips pursed into a tight smile. She moved aside, tilting her head just so to indicate that she wanted him to follow. Nick obliged, although his body had already gone numb, his stare not leaving the child resting on Jess's shoulder.

Her round, curious eyes looked back at Nick. There was still enough baby left in her to leave room to determine who exactly she favored the most, but when she looked at him, it was hard to see past a familiar face. Her eyes, although the striking color of her mother's, were very similar to pictures Nick had seen of his mother when she was young.

Nick reached out to brush a strand of hair from her cheek, and the girl immediately pulled away and buried her head into the crook of Jess's neck.

He couldn't deny that he had been rejected by a lot of girls in his lifetime, for various reasons, but Nick felt like this one had to have been the worst. His heart sank, and his mind was racing. There were just so many things to ask.

But _damn_ they had made a cute kid.

Nick stood there wordlessly for what felt like hours, watching Jess move her hands up and down the back of her daughter. He noticed that there was a little more gentleness about Jess when she was in her element, a trait that was in stark contrast to the woman he had met with earlier. It was as if this little girl brought back the Jess that Nick had fallen in love with so long ago.

Finally, the girl picked up her head and looked up, tugging on her mother's neck for attention. Jess's gaze was nothing short of affectionate.

"Who's this?"

Her voice made Nick's knees go weak; it even sent a shiver down his spine. He was thinking the exact same thing.

"Yeah, Jess," he motioned. "Who am I?"

"This…" Jess took a deep breath. "This is Nick."

_No, _he thought, _I'm her fath…_

It was hard to even finish the thought. So, instead, he kept his inner freak-out from coming to the surface by looking at Jess again.

"Yeah, I'm Nick," he nodded. "But can I ask who this is?"

Jess glared at him for his stark manner. "Ask her," she nudged the little girl from her shoulder. "Aly, what is your name?"

_Aly. Her name is Aly. _

His eyes flickered to the toddler again, and her cheeks flushed even more than they already were. She buried her head into Jess's neck one more time.

"You can do it, don't be shy," Jess whispered. "Remember? We worked on it the other day."

Aly looked up, locking eyes with her mother as Jess opened her mouth.

"_Allison Cora Day_," they said in unison. Jess's face lit up, grabbing Aly's tiny hand, and the sight of mother and daughter made Nick's insides turn to the equivalent of gelatin.

"That's a pretty name," Nick commented, hoping to put Jess (and Aly) more at ease.

She smiled weakly at him, much different than the one Aly had gotten out of her. Another miserable silenced threatened, then Aly yawned.

"Time to get you to bed, missy," Jess concluded. She turned around, holding up her index finger to Nick. _Just gimme a minute_. Even after all those years away, she was still able to talk to him with just a look and a motion.

Having a child together probably didn't hurt that, either.

As Jess walked into the opposing room, Nick felt the worry begin to creep back into the back of his mind. What will everyone say? Julia? His mom?

Would he be cut out for this?

_He had a daughter. _

What if he was terrible? What if he left her in the car at the store?

Why did Jess take her away?

The thoughts, images, and sounds of their last night together came flooding back, and he had to lean his head on his hands to just get it together. Balling his hands into fists, letting all the tension settle there, he rose slightly from the couch, quietly approaching the soft light from the nearest doorway.

He heard Jess's voice right before he got to the door, the lullaby she sang softly building. He had never heard the song before, but it didn't stop him from getting lost in the words.

"_So don't let me be, let me be, let me be lonely, tonight_."

Nick peered around the corner, just enough to see Jess crouched by Aly's bed, tucking in the blankets around her. Jess sang on quietly, though the intensity of the lullaby carried on.

"_While we're young and alive - take the keys to my car, and the keys to my heart, and just drive…"_

He walked further into the doorway, enough to finally catch a glimpse of Aly. Her eyelids were closed, and Jess brushed a few strands of hair from her daughter's face.

_"Oh, don't let me, let me be lonely…"_ she finished, barely a whisper. She bent to kiss Aly's forehead, catching a glimpse of Nick in the door. She turned – he was sure she was about to glare at him again – and surprised him by motioning him over.

The steps he took to her felt like miles, and as he drew closer, he noticed some pictures tacked up to the wall, some even taped to boxes still sitting around the room. He couldn't tell what they were, but it was clear that Aly had drawn them.

When he reached the bedside, Jess looked up at him, then down at her.

"Why didn't you tell me, Jess?" He asked, pleading.

"Not now," she whispered. "She's asleep – I thought you should be able to see her when she's not upset."

They peered down together, and even in the low light of her bedroom, he tried to memorize every feature about Aly. He felt Jess's hand rest softly on his shoulder. It made his heart do weird things, and it was like she was holding him down to earth, but it didn't take away from the sight before him.

"Take a picture," Jess urged. "I think it'll help."

His hands fumbled for his phone, adjusting the screen until he could get a good frame in the light. Pressing the button, the back of his phone lit up with the unintentional flash, and they took collective intakes of breath.

Thankfully, Aly didn't wake. She stirred, but then her lips pulled down into a deep frown before she settled back into the pillow.

_That_ face. The one Jess used to tease him endlessly for, the one he could mimic in a heartbeat.

Twenty minutes ago, he didn't think Aly had anything else she'd inherited from him. She was already proving him wrong.

He quickly disabled the flash and got one more picture of her face, just in case anyone had any shred of doubt left after the first.

"I didn't teach her that," Jess insisted, her voice still low, as they made their way out of the room. "She just started doing it. Part of the reason we came back."

As she closed the door, another wave of emotion crashed over Nick.

Life was not going to be the same.

His natural fight or flight instinct was pulling him away, tempting him with the life he would never see again.

Nick refused to let that thought even muddle his mind.

Once again, he was faced with the realization that he could _not _shut down. There was so much to do, so much to say, and the feeling of being completely powerless couldn't drain him like he usually let it.

"Allison Cora," he said quietly, mostly just to let something, _anything_, out.

Jess had led him to another room, motioning for him to sit down on the bed. There would have been days, long ago, when the gesture would've been taken in a different direction, but Nick knew better this time. They just needed a quiet place.

"Please don't tell me," Nick began, "that you named our daughter after a character on _Downton Abbey_."

He was only half-joking.

Jess smiled sheepishly, and this alone was able to calm Nick down a bit. The mood was slightly lifted.

"No," Jess replied, her tone sheepish, "Cora was my grandmother's name. It just worked out that she is also a very elegant character on one of my favorite shows."

Nick nodded, soaking it in. "And her first name? It's not after the girl I…"

"No!" Jess scoffed, almost offended, and fought back the urge to swat his arm like she used to. "Not the girl you lost your virginity to, _no_! Her name is Allison because that was also _your_ grandmother's name, which, now that I think about it, is a weird coincidence. But anyway, you took me by her house in Chicago that last Christmas. You seemed to really miss her."

"Oh," Nick bowed his head. Leave it to him to not see that connection from the start. "Sorry, this is just a lot to take in."

Jess put a hand on his shoulder again. "Her first name was almost Nicole, for you," she admitted, "but when she was born, I saw so much of you in her, that I knew the world couldn't handle a Nikki and a Nick that were already so much alike."

Nick felt his chest constrict. There was so much he didn't know.

"What else do I need to know?" Nick asked, knowing that the answer to this question could take hours, maybe days.

It could be _years_.

Jess took a deep breath. Four years and she still didn't seem prepared to talk about this.

"I found out I was pregnant with her three weeks before I left. I was about seven weeks along then," she began, bringing herself back to those last few weeks. "I knew I had to tell you before you figured it out. Cece knew something was up, but I kept my mouth shut."

"_Why_?" He prodded. "You used to tell me _everything_."

"We were fighting all the time," she countered nervously, "I was already emotional, not to mention scared out of my mind. That last argument, though… What you said… I couldn't let it go. You weren't ready for this, and I was going to give you time to _be_ ready."

Deep down, Nick knew that she'd always had a bigger reason for leaving. Maybe he had just never wanted to admit that it was this big.

Jess continued. "It changed me. My life suddenly wasn't all about me anymore. I remember what her heartbeat sounded like, the first time I heard it, and that's what was in my head when I walked out the door. You have to understand, Nick, where we were going was no place to bring in a baby."

"Jess," Nick interrupted, not convinced, "how was I supposed to be ready for something I didn't even know was happening?"

"Look at you now," she motioned to him. "You own a bar. You have a stable relationship. You grew up."

This took Nick by surprise. He never told Jess about the bar.

"How did you…?"

"Cece filled me in," Jess replied with a wave of her hand. "She came over earlier to talk before I left. In fact, she was watching Aly when I was at the store last night, and when I was at dinner tonight."

"She was the one that called you," Nick affirmed, his original assumption confirmed.

"You could say that," Jess winced. "Aly has this thing with hazelnuts, and I haven't gotten to talk to the doctor about it yet. She's never eaten one, but lotions made with them make her skin break out in a rash. I told Cece about it, but I am careful to keep anything out of here that has it. She just freaked out tonight when Aly started saying her stomach hurt."

_Her name is Allison Cora Day. She is allergic to hazelnuts. She has her mother's eyes, and my mouth. _Nick was repeating this to himself, trying to hold in all of the information that Jess was giving him.

"In turn," Jess continued, "Aly got scared and began having a massive meltdown. All I heard on the phone was screaming, so I didn't think she'd just caught a stomach bug. She calmed down when I got here."

Nick shook his head, letting the pieces fit together. He pulled out his phone, finding the picture of Aly. He stared down at it for a while, keenly aware that Jess was looking over his shoulder.

"I was going to tell you tonight," Jess finally said.

"Why did you wait four years, Jess? I've missed so much…" Nick shook his head again, fighting back the urge to raise his voice. He'd gone almost an hour without getting mad at Jess, and for Aly's sake, he was trying to keep in down.

"I…" Jess sighed. "I had plans on having you come up to Portland before she was born. I didn't think it would ever be this long, Nick, you have to believe me. But I was working until the week before she came. I was suddenly faced with the fact that I could be a single mother, and I had to make enough to sustain us while I couldn't work."

"Being a single mother was your _choice_, Jess," Nick said, feeling the acid laced in his voice.

Jess's eyes fell to the floor. "I wasn't going to tell you over the phone. I knew leaving was a mistake as soon as I got to Portland. Cece called my mom a lot, and all my mom would tell her is that I was okay. She eventually just stopped calling. My parents, my dad especially, threatened to call you all the time. He was furious at me, because I didn't tell you. But he knew I was hurting, and I knew he wouldn't call you. You needed to hear it from _me_."

"That still doesn't explain the next three years," Nick shot back.

"Then let me _finish_," her eyes narrowed, their emotions balancing on edge. Nick obliged, shutting his mouth. "She was born on July 4th of that year."

Inadvertently, Nick smiled. Jess caught his eye, and some of the weight let up.

"She wasn't due until the 17th, but I've always said that she just wanted to see the fireworks. I'd been having false labor pains for some time, but that day was different. Mom asked me if we needed to call the doctor, and I was halfway to the car before she realized that I didn't want to call him, I wanted to _go_."

Jess smiled at the memory. Nick waited patiently, his full attention on the story.

"Thankfully, nothing happened until we got to the hospital, but my water broke as soon as I stepped out of the car," she chuckled darkly. "The next hour was a blur. I don't even remember getting into a hospital gown. I almost called you, but I couldn't think straight. I was given some stupidly weak pain meds, because I wasn't far enough along for the real drugs.

"Turns out, I was actually moving pretty fast. I got the epidural not twenty minutes before the doctor told me it was time, and even then, I still felt more than I should have."

Jess squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming in the corners, picturing everything she remembered next about that day. Nick put an arm around her, his heart leaping in his chest, hanging on her words.

Was it possible to be as nervous listening to the story as it was to actually go through it?

"She was gorgeous, Nick, just perfect," Jess whispered. Nick felt the corners of his eyes prickle, threatening a tear. "And when they finally gave her back to me, I asked for them to open the curtains on my window. We could see the fireworks. I told her that it was just for her."

Tears were streaming down Jess's face now, and the anger fled from Nick as he brushed a few tears on her cheek away with his fingers. He pulled her closer to him, trying to provide what little comfort he could, for both of them. What he would've given to be there…

Jess pulled away, and at first Nick thought it had something to do with the proximity of their bodies. However, it appeared that wasn't the case when Jess turned back around to produce a picture from her nightstand.

The picture nearly took the air out of his lungs.

Encircled by a pair of arms and the swaddling of a white hospital blanket, a tiny pink baby stared back at him. Her eyes were still newborn grey, with only a hint of the blue that they would become. A dusting of dark hair peeked out from a pink cap pulled over her head.

Nick had to agree with Jess – she _was_ perfect.

He swiped his thumb over the glossy page, trying to place himself in that very room, being able to stroke her cheek and gently shush her crying like any real father should have.

Then, a more disturbing thought surfaced.

Had he known, _would_ he have been there?

"I never planned on waiting this long," Jess admitted, drying her eyes and pulling Nick back into the present. "I thought I was prepared to handle a newborn, but I wasn't… Not at all. I was more tired than I had ever been in my life. The first six months, I was emotionally and physically drained. She was too little to bring to LA. And I knew that I had waited too long to ever justify calling you."

Nick nodded, numbly. There had been a period of time where he would've picked up the phone and done nothing but yell if Jess had ever called him.

"Before I knew it, she was a year old. She started trying to crawl. She babbled like she was trying to talk. Her first word was 'no.' When she was almost two, and my life had finally settled out, my dad got sick."

Nick hadn't known that. He held his breath, waiting for Jess to continue.

"His heart was in bad shape. He'd always had a heart murmur, but it was never that bad. We spent six months thinking he'd need a transplant, which he was unlikely to get with his age. I couldn't take Aly away from him like that. It was hard enough knowing that I could lose him; planning to leave just wasn't an option.

"So, a few months before she turned three, he had an experimental procedure done to fix it. My mom was scared for him. She came to wait with me while he was in surgery, though he doesn't remember and she'll never admit to it. It went well, thankfully, and we spent the summer getting him back to health.

"I started teaching in the fall, but I felt deep down that I had waited long enough. You needed to know. As early as it was, I knew I wouldn't hear back for a while. But in December, I picked Aly up from daycare and everything changed. She had the biggest frown on her face, and I had to keep from laughing in front of her teacher. She looked _just like you_, scowling at the world."

Nick grinned despite himself. He had a picture on his phone that gave him a pretty good idea of what she looked like right then.

"They'd been talking about Christmas, and doing family Christmas trees. When I took her home, Aly started telling me that her teacher tried to make her put something for her father on the tree, and she said she didn't have one. Her teacher was quick to correct her, but Aly was pretty insistent."

Nick winced, feeling the implications of those words in regard to his absence, but Jess was quick to resume. "I sat her down that night and told her that she did have a dad. I told her that he was out there, and that she'd get to meet him one day. She never thought that you didn't want her. It took a month for arrangements, and then another to get everything taken care of in Portland, but we made it here last week."

As Jess finished, Nick's mind wondered to what Aly thought of him after tonight. What did he look like to a three-year-old little girl? Just some guy named Nick in a plaid shirt and jeans? Did she even have a clue?

They sat in silence a few moments, Jess waiting for Nick to speak.

"Why didn't you tell her who I was back there?" Nick asked finally.

Jess bit her lip. "She's _three_, Nick. I don't want her to think any random stranger that comes to our door is a long-lost relative. I _want_ to tell her soon, but I want you to get to know her first."

He nodded, swallowing hard. Kids had never been his forte. He'd find a way to screw this one up more than it already was, he just _knew_ it.

Jess took his silence another way. "…that is, if you want to be in her life. I don't want to make you feel like you have to."

There was a split second where Nick considered this, and for the first time in his life, it was for someone other than himself. Would it just be best for Aly to _not_ know about him? He was suddenly presented with an option that left him free to go on with life, and keep someone as innocent as his daughter out of the mess that he usually left behind.

The thought of life without her, though, seemed too painful to imagine.

"Of course I want to be in her life!" He replied, surprising himself at how passionate his words came. "Why would you give me that kind of option?"

"I know you didn't want kids," Jess shook her head, her eyes dark. "You need to know that you have a choice."

"I'm going to be in her life," he stated again, this time firmer. "Is there anything else I need to know? It's late, and you probably have work in the morning."

Jess nodded, glancing down at her phone. They'd been talking for a while, and it was approaching midnight. She sighed again, reaching for her purse.

"I was going to give these pictures to you tonight," she fished around until she pulled out a handful of glossy photos, the one on top a duplicate of the newborn one he'd already seen. She also handed him a CD case. "Those are some of the songs that I listen to with her. None of the kid stuff, but songs she goes to sleep to and songs that I played when she was a baby."

Nick took everything carefully, trying not to devour every picture right then. There was a mystery that clung to them… Something to look forward to. He didn't want to miss a single detail.

Then again, he didn't really want to leave, either.

He knew Jess was tired, so he got up, and as he walked to the door, tried to think of an appropriate goodbye.

He was failing miserably at that, going in to hug her, but remembering halfway in how he was supposed to hate human contact.

Jess responded just as awkwardly, but recovered with a chuckle.

"I guess we'll have plenty of time to figure that out."

Nick smiled tightly, then looked down at the objects in his hands. "I'm not really sure how this works. Do I just call you tomorrow night, and we can go from there?"

"Yeah," Jess replied, leaning in the doorway, "sleep on it, and we can figure out a plan tomorrow."

Nick turned to leave, mumbling his goodbye. Jess shut the door softly behind him, and as he walked to his car, he tried to process all the information he had been given tonight. His life was never going to be the same, and it terrified him, until he looked down at the picture he'd taken.

Getting into the car, he kept repeating to himself all that he had learned, in the hope that maybe it would finally sink in.

_Her name is Allison Cora Day. She is allergic to hazelnuts. She has her mother's eyes, and my mouth. She was born on July 4__th__, just in time for the fireworks. Her first word was 'no.' She doesn't think that her father doesn't want her. _

_Her father's family and girlfriend don't know about her yet._

Nick gulped. He had a lot of phone calls to make, and a long talk with Julia waiting for him when he got home. To drown out the sound of his thoughts and worries, he put Jess's CD into the player and cranked up the volume.

It was time to get to know his daughter.

* * *

**So I was really nervous about posting this one. ****There's still a lot more of this story to tell, and we all know that Nick and Jess really aren't the kind to get along for more than ten minutes at a time, haha. It's what makes the show so great! **

**Anyway, let me know what you thought - I'm always open to commentary. Until next time! **


	5. Chapter 4

**I really am sorry about this delay. I actually wanted to post this on Sunday, but I kind of decided to completely re-write one of the later chapters, and I told myself I had to finish it before I posted anything (or else I'd wait until I forgot what exactly I wanted to change). **

**I've also discovered that I'm not the most prolific when writing in Jess's POV. It's pretty hard for me to get into an optimist's mindset. Seriously, I think entirely too much like Nick. **

**Finally, just to clarify - just because Nick knows, this story is _far from over_. Still lots to come! Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Chapter 4

Jess woke up the next morning knowing that she should feel like the weight of the world was off of her shoulders.

_Nick knows. He did freak out. He didn't run out screaming. _

She knew that she should be relieved about this. As she got her and Aly dressed and ready for the day, she also knew that she still shouldn't feel the gut-wrenching guilt that had pulled at her every day for nearly four years. Her heart should be free and clear, because for _once_ she did the right thing. Her conscious should be completely clear.

The problem was… It wasn't.

The look on his face the previous night, as he had taken in some of Aly's pictures, was so venerable, so _full of regret_, that it startled her. Knocked her off balance, in a way. She could see the ache, the longing that four years of missing out had caused. That _she_ caused.

Throughout the day, no matter how hard she tried, she just could not find another reason to justify her actions. She had gone off of sheer maternal instinct the night she left. She had thought for so long she was just doing what was best for her daughter, but what happens when that gut feeling could be wrong?

Heart-aching guilt, that's what.

She got a call halfway through the day that Aly was running a fever. She considered calling Nick – after all, this was supposed to be the perk of having a second parent around – but the principal was understanding, even though her entire purpose for the rest of the year was filling in for another teacher on maternity leave.

Maybe she wasn't willing to give Aly up just yet… Not when she's sick. She wasn't a science experiment.

Turns out, it was a good call.

"Momma, I'm sick," were the first words her toddler had grumbled on the way home, plastic bucket in hand. She hadn't actually emptied the contents of her stomach yet, but Jess knew when her kid was sick and this was definitely what she had suspected the night before.

"I know, sweetheart," she replied from the front, doing her best to mask the anxiety that this would add to the coming days. There didn't seem like there would be any room in between Pepto and saltine crackers for one Nick Miller.

She would just have to worry about that later.

For right now, her daughter was sick, and she needed no one else but her mother to make everything all better.

* * *

"Nick, we need to talk about this."

He hadn't even been in the door fifteen seconds. Julia sat at the table, her hair still pulled back from work, looking more like a lawyer than Nick was used to this late. Stacks of envelopes and legal pads were scatted ominously around her. He stopped dead in his tracks, trying to extend the time he had to think.

Julia hadn't been happy with him last night. Turns out, midnight was not a good time to get home after you'd told her that you were going out to dinner with an ex-girlfriend. His explanation that followed hadn't helped much, either.

"_Look Julia," he said, after telling her about Aly, trying to hand her the pictures. Horrified, she bolted out of bed, throwing the one in her hands across the room. _

"_I don't _believe_ it," she scoffed, oddly awake given the hour, and went to her desk to pull out some papers. "She's got you in on this?"_

"_In on what?" Nick asked, dumbfounded. He followed her to her desk, hoping that they could at least sleep on it. _

"_That after four years, she can show up with a kid that _might_ be yours, and you're not skeptical enough to question it? Do you know how _big_ these kind of deals are? There's a reason that people hire lawyers for custody battles!" _

_Her eyes were frantic, and Nick put her hand on hers to calm her down. She winced, putting the pen down. _

"_She's mine, Julia," he replied firmly. _

"_We'll see," Julia grumbled, leaning into him. It wasn't much of a comfort, but he would take it for now. "I'll do some research and we'll see tomorrow night." _

Apparently, _tomorrow night_ had meant 'right after Nick gets home from work.'

Looking back, that's probably what she meant. That didn't exactly mean that Nick was ready to deal with it again.

"Can you give me a few minutes?" He asked, feeling a cold absence slip into the space between them. She frowned, but relented anyway. He disappeared into the dim light of their room, pulling the pictures out of the nightstand and picking up his phone.

He knew that this wasn't the best idea with Julia mad at him in the kitchen, but he needed to do this.

There was something about dialing her number that comforted him, that made the weight of this colossal secret a little easier to bear, even though his family had been far from that growing up. The phone rang a few times before the sound of his mother's voice filled the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ma," he said softly. "Got a few minutes?"

"What is it Nick?" She asked, concern leaking from her voice. He wondered if she'd known something was wrong before she'd even picked up the phone.

"I, uh… I saw Jess last night," he began, realizing that he had no real plan on how he was going to tell his own mother about Aly.

"Oh," she sighed, tuning into comfort mode. "I'm so sorry, Nick, you know we all hurt when you – "

"She wasn't alone," he finished, and when his mom piped up to speak again, he spoke above it, trying to keep up the strength to tell her. "She has a three-year-old daughter. "

There was absolute silence on the other end. Nick wondered if she could hear the sound of his heart, jumping up into his throat. He certainly could her his mother's carefully controlled breathing, something she'd always done to calm down.

"Is she…" her voice cracked, knowing that the math added up just right.

"Yeah," Nick breathed. "Here…I'll send you something. Check your messages."

He clicked away on his phone at his pictures, sending the two to his mother that he had taken last night. There was more silence on the end of the line while she waited. Nick knew she had gotten them when he heard a small gasp.

"Nick…" she trailed, her tone a mixture of awe and concern. "She looks like you."

"Yeah," he agreed, almost smiling, "she does."

They were silent for a little longer, Nick cradling the phone to his ear. He sat against his bed, trying to ground himself again. His mother seemed to be gathering her own thoughts, while Nick just tried to keep his own breathing even.

"Her name is Allison," he finally eased, the name becoming easier to say. "She's named after…"

"Mom," she quipped, awestruck.

"She is," Nick nodded, although he knew his mother couldn't see it. "Her middle name is Cora, after Jess's grandmother. She goes by Aly. I… I think it's a great name. It was nice of Jess, you know?"

"Yes," his mother agreed. "But I can't say that I'm thrilled with her right now."

"Ma," Nick groaned, hoping that the wrath of his mother wasn't going to be on Jess, too. "I'm upset, too. But… what is there to say? She's here now."

"But _why_, Nick? Why now? Why did she leave?"

He sighed, frowning. "I'm still trying to figure that out."

His mother wasn't calming down. "Well, I can come down there and we can find out –"

"Ma!" He shook his head violently – as if he needed another angry female around him. "I called because Julia is already pissed and I just wanted someone to talk to, okay? I've still got to figure a lot out… But at least Jess came back, and I don't want to lose a kid I barely know."

"Well," she began, still not fully convinced, "Call me when you know more, and quit hiding from your…" She stopped. Julia had never been his mom's favorite person, even less than what Jess had been at first. "…whatever she is. Julia."

"Girlfriend," Nick replied, although that wasn't entirely true anymore. He just didn't have the backbone to tell his mom what she really was. There was only so much information his family could take in one day.

"Sure," she corrected. "I'll talk to you later, okay dear?"

"Will do."

"You going to be okay?"

He gulped. "I think. Love ya, mom."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Keep me updated, send me more about her. I'll talk to you later."

They hung up, leaving Nick feeling better than he had a few minutes ago. It was far from over with her, but it was a good start. If he could convince his mother, surely he could convince Julia, too.

* * *

As it turns out, Julia was _much_ harder to convince.

"Why don't you want to do this?" Julia asked, her expression etched with anger. They had been going in circles about her very first request for ten minutes now.

"Because I _know_ she's mine!" Nick defended, holding onto what little confidence he had left of the situation.

"Then why are you so afraid to prove it?" she fired back, her stance not wavering. Of all the things she wanted him to do, forcing a DNA test of Aly was where he had to draw the line.

"I'm not afraid, Julia," he shook his head. "I'm _sure_."

She looked to the ground, visibly fighting an emotional battle. Nick moved to occupy the seat next to her, pulling her into him. She tried to shake him away, but he held on tight, not letting go. Finally, she relaxed into him and they sat there in silence.

Julia was the first to cave. "You still need to at least get your name on her paperwork."

"I will," he said, pulling at the zipper on his jacket, "but I'm kind of stuck on the edge here. I don't want to push them too far."

"You have to stand up for yourself," she leaned up, taking his hand and steadying it. "If you really want this, you need help. I've done a lot of these cases before."

"I'm not your _client_," Nick replied, hurt at her instance to make him take Jess to a lawyer. She dropped his hands and sighed.

"I'm not trying to make you my client," she glared at him. "I'm trying to protect you from what I _know_ is coming."

"Which is?" He arched an eyebrow, trying to make her see how ridiculous this was.

"Have you ever heard of child support, Nick?" She shot back, angrily. "To a lawyer, you are nothing to her if your name is not on something official. Somewhere that says you've taken responsibility for her. And if you want to be a part of her life, you're supposed to be keeping track of it all. Emergency contacts, school records, her birth certificate!" Julia put her hands on his shoulders. "Jess could take her away from you because of that and leave you with _nothing_."

His eyes fell, and his heart sank with them. Reality was crashing down. There was a fire boiling up inside of him, imagining how Jess could string him along and still be able to just take her away. It made him flat out _angry_ to think he would have to play by her rules if he wanted to stick around. He'd been out of the loop for nearly four years – he _deserved_ something better than that.

"I've got to go," he stood up abruptly, Julia not far behind him.

"Where are you going?" She asked, trying to pull his arm back. "Don't do anything stupid!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he replied sarcastically, grabbing his jacket and keys. He left Julia standing in the center of the room, her hands on her hips, glaring at him as he shut the door.

Okay, so he knew better than to get in the car angry, but he needed to talk to Jess. He had a lot of questions that needed to be answered, a lot of things that needed to be said.

_Great job, Miller. Running from one problem to another._

He was at her door in record time, after a drive that only added to his animosity. He tried not to make the knocks sound as frantic as he was, but it felt like it took years for doorknob to finally turn. The look on Jess's face when she answered the door didn't soothe the worries.

Her eyes were just as wide as they were last night, and he could hear the water running in another room. She was in a pair of pajamas that he didn't recognize. The flannel bottoms where there, but the top had been replaced with a fitted tank top, further defining the slight curve of her abdomen.

Four years ago, he would've _really_ appreciated that.

"What are you doing here, Nick?" she hissed, snapping him out of the past.

"We need to talk."

"And you thought _now_ was a great time to drop by unannounced?" She ran a hand through her hair, tucking a few loose strands behind her ear.

Before Nick could answer, though, there was a call from another room. "Momma! I think the bath water is done!"

Jess shook her head, and left him standing at the door while she disappeared into her apartment. He peered in, noticing a few new pictures hanging on the walls. Quietly, he entered, being careful to shut the door without giving Jess another heart attack.

He approached the wall, looking over a large collage frame above the couch.

There was an immediate absence that he noticed in the pictures. Aly was front and center, at various points in her life, and that alone made them great… but it was hard not to notice that her mother was nowhere to be seen.

He scanned further. There was Aly in Halloween costumes, a baby Aly wrapped tightly in a little pink blanket, Aly with her grandparents in front of a Christmas tree. A hand here and there was all that told Nick that Jess was there at all.

He could see some smaller frames sitting off to the side, and could only imagine that's what Jess had been doing with her time tonight. Some dolls sat nearby, and a box of crayons (in various stages of worn) lay open on the floor. One picture in the stack on the table, though, caught his eye.

_Wow._

Carefully, he picked it up, and finally found her. It wasn't the best shot, and Jess's head was partially cut-off, but it was of Aly when she was possibly just a year old, putting her hands around a large pumpkin. Jess stood behind her, looking at the camera like the person taking the picture had said something funny.

The light was there. Not just in her eyes, but in her face, in her smile… She was _radiant_. That was the Jess he knew… the Jess that managed to change his life in so many ways. He didn't know where it had all gone as of late, but it was like the world had sucked it right out of her.

This, though… This made him think that it could still be inside of her.

"What in the world are you smiling at?"

He looked up, and a less-than-pleased Jess stood in front of him, the tank top now spotted with water.

"I… Uh…" He stammered, and then remembered he was supposed to be angry. She looked at him, waiting to continue. "Do you… Did you… Did you put my name on anything for Aly? Anything that says… who I am?"

She blinked, and then looked away, fighting his stare. Nick didn't need a verbal acknowledgement; he got his answer loud and clear. His body instantly tensed.

The spark was all that was needed to ignite the fuel he had built up on his conscious tonight.

"At least let me see her," he said through gritted teeth.

"Not while you're mad, _no_," she stiffened, like she was bracing herself to stop him.

He shook his head. "I'm going to damn well see her, Jess, you can't stop that anymore!"

"No!" Jess grabbed his arm, with surprising strength, and pulled him back. "I _know_ you Nick, and whatever you're pissed off at, you need to get over before you see her. She's a _child_ and I don't want her to see this part of us."

He saw something in Jess then, a fire that matched his own. She was still smaller than him, more delicate, but the look in her eyes was one of no mercy. If he hadn't remembered her as the heartbroken girl watching Dirty Dancing and making Lord of the Rings references back at the loft, he would've been terrified of her.

"Fine," he held up his hands in defeat. "For _her_, I'll do it." She settled down, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She's sick right now," Jess admitted, quieter. His ears perked, and his mouth went dry.

"Is… Is she okay?" He rubbed his neck, trying to block out the worry that replaced his original concerns. If the word _sick_ didn't scare him so much, he would've been amazed at how little he seemed to care about his original concerns. It was just a piece of paper, anyway.

"She's going to be fine," Jess offered, nodding at his concern. "It's what I figured last night, then today she came home with a fever. She's not feeling that bad, and I gave her some medicine. She's in my room trying to sleep now."

"Oh," he replied softly, his face relaxing. "Is she going to feel better soon?"

Jess nodded. "We'll see. Lots of soup and crackers for now. Maybe the doctor tomorrow."

"Do you need my help?"

He hadn't intended for it to come out so blatantly, but the response seemed so natural.

"Not really," she shook her head. "We don't need you sick, and once she's better we can have you come over a few nights a week."

Although Nick was happy to hear he would, in fact, be coming back, he couldn't let Jess go like this. "We don't need you sick, either."

Jess laughed. Then, she scrunched her face in an attempt to look aggressive and said, "I'm her mother, I have an immune system of _steel_."

_She was back._

And just like that, it was like nothing had changed between them. They laughed together, finally making the delicate balance of their relationship just a little bit easier to navigate. Before they could get too loud, though, he heard Jess's stomach growl.

She looked up, embarrassed.

"Do you want me to go get you something to eat?" Nick asked, holding up his keys.

She shook her head, but then it growled again.

"C'mon," Nick laughed. "Even Clark Kent has to eat."

"I've got animal crackers and a bowl of Easy Mac," she objected.

As soon as she said that, though, Nick was out the door and on his way to get something that did not scream _'I have a toddler in the house.'_ She'd spent nearly four years working to take care of someone else. The least he could do was take care of her when she needed it this time.

* * *

**Let me know what you think - good, bad, and in-between. I know transition chapters aren't always the most interesting... But I try! **


	6. Chapter 5

**This chapter's ready a little earlier than I anticipated, but I think that's okay! **

**Oh, and I take no credit for any Disney fairy tales mentioned in this :] Though, it's probably my favorite princess story of them all! **

* * *

Chapter 5

_I want to shake this winter coat off my sleeve  
Dust off a record and just be free  
Oh, don't let me be lonely  
No, don't let me be lonely_

Nick had a nearly week before Aly was all clear. Six whole days.

The tension between him and Julia was palpable over his decision to follow Jess's lead, but towards the end of the week, they had settled into a routine of just avoiding the topic. It was hard, given how he had been calling Jess for updates at least twice a day, bringing her dinner another night. Jess even swore the last 72 hours were just to make sure that she wasn't contagious, and Julia had rolled her eyes when Nick had explained that to her, but he still didn't question Jess's judgment.

As long as Aly was alright, then he would do whatever it took.

Finally, when he left the bar early Sunday morning (because, as his luck would have it, someone called in on a busy night and he had to resort to bartending the closing shift), he knew he could go to bed knowing that he'd see Aly later that afternoon.

_You can make it until noon_.

He just repeated that, over and over, until he arrived home.

Julia was, understandably, asleep when he made it through the door. She had come by the bar earlier, but Saturday nights were usually busy, and his time couldn't be split as easily as it would on a weeknight.

He took his time getting ready for bed, unable to justify sleep when he was so jittery. His mind was still miles away from sleep when he crawled under the sheets.

Rolling over, Nick stared at the ceiling.

He'd had an entire week to reflect on what he'd seen in Jess that night. As unsettling as her newfound defense had been, he was even more concerned with how easily he had let himself lose it with Aly so close by. It scared him, how emotionally attached he was to a little girl that he barely knew.

To her, he must be a total stranger – just a guy who knew her mother. To him… What was she to him? He couldn't even put a thought together for what she meant to him – and he'd only met her once.

He'd been at the grocery store earlier in the week, while on the phone with Jess, and had absentmindedly thrown a new box of crayons in his basket. It hadn't even occurred to him that he'd gotten something for Aly until he was at the register.

_Is it enough?_

_Is it too much?_

There really wasn't any kind of guide to getting to know your own kid when she's closing in on four years old, let alone your first attempt at getting her something nice.

So, he'd stuck with the simple box of crayons, and held onto them all week.

As he lay awake, still too anxious to sleep, he pulled the little yellow box out of his nightstand, turning the object over and over in his hands. He didn't even know if she liked to color, but the pictures on her bedroom wall seemed to point him that way.

Is that how Jess decided on those kind of things?

He shook his head, putting the box back down. Five AM. Still four more hours until it was socially acceptable to be up. He pulled the sheets up, finally convincing his mind to calm down. Julia rolled in her sleep, and he let the smell of her damp hair fill his senses as he closed his eyes.

* * *

Morning came.

Or, rather, eleven AM did. In his bartending days, that would've been considered quite early. The period of time he'd been with Jess had been the only exception to that rule, mostly because if he didn't wake up, Jess had a habit of pouncing on him, just to share her distaste for being up for school. He'd learned to really enjoy it... Look forward to it, even.

_Stop thinking like that._

Julia was up making coffee when Nick finally managed to convince his body to move. He shot out of bed as soon as he saw the crayons, still laying innocently on the nightstand, and got ready at lightening speed once he saw the time.

Julia had left a cup of coffee out for him when he approached the kitchen, keys in hand. He figured that today would be tough on her, and so he sat down at the table, if only to make something feel somewhat normal.

"You ready for this?" She asked, her lips forming into a thin line. There could have been a forced smile in there, but Nick didn't like it when she pretended to be happy for something that she clearly wasn't. He chose to ignore that, and focus on her question.

Closing his eyes, he pictured the sleeping face of his daughter.

"Yeah," he replied. "I think I am."

She nodded, folding up the newspaper and taking her empty cup to the sink. Nick finished his soon after, following suite. Before he left, though, he gave Julia a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I owe you a good date, don't I?" He asked, hinting a smile.

She chuckled, this time more sincere. "Probably."

He left with that, happy that they could hope to settle back to some kind of normalcy.

The feeling lasted all of five minutes once he was in the car. The anxiety took over the rest. His palms were sweating all the way over to her apartment, like he was sixteen years old again, going to meet a girlfriend's parents for the first time.

Or Jess's dad.

That had been pretty terrifying, too.

_She could hate me. _

Somehow, he made it to her door, and Jess opened it before he could knock this time.

Unlike a week ago, she offered more of a smile, though it was clear she was anxious as well. He held up the box of crayons, unsure of where to go with it. Jess raised an eyebrow, the grin almost coming to her eyes. "You plan on doing lots of coloring today?"

"Oh, uh, no…." He shook his head, "they're for – "

As he said the words, Aly bustled up behind Jess, two dark braids bouncing behind her yellow shirt. Her blue eyes found his, then flickered to the box in his hands.

" – Aly." He finished.

She broke into a grin at her name, reaching out for the box. Nick kneeled down to her level, taking all of her in, as her hands found the other side. For a split second, while they both had a hold of the box, he wanted to do nothing more than reach out and pull her close.

As foreign as it sounded to him, that's exactly what he wanted to do… yet it was the one thing he couldn't do.

_Not yet. Be patient. _

She clutched the box to her chest, clearly eager to turn around and get to work with them.

"What do you say, Aly?" Jess reminded her.

"Thank you, Nick!" she recited, looking up for her mother's approval. Jess nodded, and Aly scrambled back inside, leaving Nick kneeling in front of Jess, in complete awe.

"Sorry about that," Jess said, helping Nick to his feet. "She's been all over the place this morning."

"No, no," Nick objected, walking inside. "She's really something."

"Yeah, she's something alright," Jess muttered, saying something under her breath that sounded like _'Just wait until it happens at five AM.'_ She then turned and looked mischievously at Nick.

He knew the look – and remembered all-too-well the foreboding dip in the pit of his stomach that came with it.

He was in for something.

"Hey Aly!" Jess called back into the apartment, the smirk still playing at her lips. "Nick wants you to show him your room!"

Her head poked out of the doorway to her room, a shy smile crossing her features. She approached Nick slower this time. Jess nudged him forward, and as soon as he took that first step, Aly's small hand found his, and he was suddenly being pulled away, a force that had just as much of an effect on his mind than on his heart.

* * *

Aly didn't warm up to him immediately – no, it took an hour or so. Jess had done most of the talking at first, telling her what to show Nick, and all he had to do was nod.

But once she realized she had found a listener in Nick, there was nothing he could do to stop her little chatter.

Jess seemed quite pleased with herself.

Nick and Aly now sat on the floor in her room, next to a tub full of stuffed animals and dolls. She'd started with the pictures on her walls – the subjects ranging from neighborhood cats (she had her mother's genetics, after all) to the old preschool music teacher that she apparently thought was a bear. Who knew?

After the pictures came the dolls. She didn't have as many as he originally suspected, and they were already onto their last few subjects.

"This is Elvis," she said, handing him a stuffed purple bear. He took it carefully, his fingers brushing the soft, worn fur on its back. It was clear this one had been taken on quite a few adventures.

"Elvis, huh?" he responded, his eyes flickering to Jess, leaning up against the doorframe. Jess covered her mouth to conceal a chuckle.

Aly nodded quickly, "Uh-huh. I made it."

"You _made_ it?" Nick asked, pretty impressed if Aly wasn't embellishing (turns out she was also a lot like her mother with that).

She beamed. "Yup!"

"Aly," Jess interjected, hiding another smile, "what did we talk about telling the _whole_ truth?"

Aly frowned at her mother. "I _stuffed_ him."

"Still," Nick insisted, squishing the bear in his hands, "that's great, uh, kiddo!"

Kiddo?

_Really? That's the best you can do?_

Jess snickered, but Aly didn't catch on and it didn't seem to bother her. She continued babbling about her friend Bailey, whose birthday party was the event that got her the bear. She named him Elvis, because she'd asked Jess for a name. Bailey apparently thought the name Purple wasn't cool.

"I think Purple would've been just fine," Nick defended, feeling more animosity than a grown man should towards a kid that his daughter had briefly known.

Before Aly could come up with an answer, a knock came at the door, and Jess left to go answer it. Aly trotted curiously out of her room, and Nick followed. The way they craned their necks around the corner was so similar, it almost threw Nick off balance.

"Aunt Cece!" Aly called when their model friend entered behind Jess. Cece bent down, letting Aly run into her arms.

"Hi sweetie," she replied, letting Aly go. "What have you been up to today?"

"I was showing Nick my room!" Aly chirped, pointing towards Nick. Cece's eyebrows shot up when she realized Nick was there, glancing between him and Jess. The toddler didn't take notice, and continued anyway. "I was 'bout to color."

"Oh!" Cece nodded, watching Aly pull out a coloring book and her new box of crayons, "I actually can't stay long today. Schmidt and I have… something later. Jess," she looked up, "I accidently left with this last week... I think Aly left it in my purse. I keep forgetting to bring it back over."

She handed Jess a DVD case, and Jess laughed. "Yeah, she would've been missing this soon. It's not a real Friday night until this is in the DVD player."

Nick caught a glimpse at the cover before Aly pulled him over to the table.

_Tangled. _

He'd never heard of the movie. Julia wasn't much for movies to begin with, let alone one that would peak the interest of a three-year-old.

As Aly set up the crayons and paper, he tried to catch snippets of Jess and Cece's conversation, but was futile. Aly was very proud of her coloring books, and one of the more worn covers matched the cover of the movie that Jess still held in her hands.

"This is my fave-rit." Aly explained. Nick smiled at her, letting a warmth settle in his stomach while watching as she flipped through the pages of already scribbled artwork. She settled on a page that still had a few pale spots.

Suddenly, though, she put down her crayons and pushed off of her chair. Curiously, Nick watched her walk to her mother, and pull on the edge of her skirt for her attention. Jess looked down, and Aly said something quietly.

Scooping up her daughter, Jess walked off, leaving Nick and Cece alone for the time being. Nick gave Cece and puzzled look, and Cece laughed.

"Bathroom," she explained, approaching Nick casually. "Just because there's no diapers doesn't mean that they can hold it for very long. All the parenting books say…"

He tuned her out, focusing on a familiar, almost unsettling, look in her eyes.

Nick blinked. The bathroom was one thing, but there was something about Cece's presence that also concerned him.

"What are you doing, Cece?"

She glanced back at the door, a longing look in her eyes. They stood there in silence, before Cece came back to meet his stare.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Nick," she grumbled, too late to be any kind of convincing.

"Yes you do," he rolled his eyes. "You and Schmidt want kids, I know, and you can't act like I haven't seen what these kind of things do to you."

Her eyes narrowed, trying so hard to cover up, but she didn't speak.

Schmidt and Cece had been trying for two years to have kids of their own. Nick had been privy to their fair share of ups and downs, false alarms and missed steps. He thought maybe they had gotten over it – settled for who they are. The second Cece had hugged Aly close, though, he realized what she was doing. She was trying to fill a void that wasn't Aly's to fill.

Did Jess know what it could do to Cece?

Finally, Cece inhaled, pulling together her defense. A toilet flushing in the other room gave her a time limit to speak. "Look, Nick," she whispered quickly. "I know that you're doing this because you think that Schmidt and I knew something about _her_, but I _swear_ that we didn't. Jess needed help, and she called me first this time. I at least tried to find her when she left, instead of just shutting down like you."

Nick should've corrected her at her attempt to change the subject. He should've said that he wasn't angry over that – not anymore – but the honesty in her words stung. Maybe he had been mad at first. He avoided her gaze, just so he wouldn't have to face those emotions again.

"Sorry," he started, fidgeting with the edge of the coloring book. "I just… You know… It's…" He stammered. Cece nodded, but offered him a weak smile.

"Schmidt and I are meeting with an adoption specialist in an hour," she admitted. Nick felt his eyes go wide. Jess entered the room right as Cece put a finger to her lips.

_So Jess doesn't know._

Jess glanced between the two of them, confused at the shift in their mood. Aly pulled herself back into her chair, and handed Nick a crayon. Nick shook his head at Jess, trying to assure her it was nothing, but it didn't stop Jess from following Cece out. Nick couldn't hear the conversation fully after that, but got snippets of "You sure?" and "Don't worry about it."

"Nick!" Aly exclaimed, pulling his attention back to the page in her book. "It's you!"

She was pointing to her most recent work of art, a finger hovering directly over some cartoonish figure.

And he laughed.

Underneath the scribbles was the outline of a character bearing large eyes and almost ridiculously tousled hair, with brown crayon smeared over most of it. Next to the character, untouched by the hand of his daughter, was the form of what he assumed was the princess, her long hair spilling across the outline of the page. If he had thought the prince's eyes were big, the princess's had to be twice that size.

"Me, huh?" he chuckled. She tore out the page, handing it to him.

"You finish it," She replied firmly, handing him a crayon.

"Well," he responded, "what color is her dress supposed to be?"

Aly shook her head quickly. "No, she's _your_ princess."

"_My_ princess?" Nick pointed the crayon at his chest. Aly giggled.

"Yeah!" she nodded. Nick considered this, picking up a pale green crayon and started to fill in the edges of her dress. No pinks and purples for him, not at all, even though there were plenty of scribbles in those colors around the outline of his character's boots.

Nevertheless, this was his princess, and if Aly wanted him to color it, then by all means, he'd color it.

* * *

Julia had gone to pick up dinner by the time he arrived home that night, more tired than he was used to being on a Sunday. Aly had kept him busy between activities, and his princess was never actually colored completely.

He'd finished most of her dress, and had gotten a nod of approval out of his daughter while they'd settled down to watch some cartoon about a dog. The stupid credits song would probably be stuck in his head for the rest of the week.

Jess had then offered to make him dinner, but he figured that he should not push his limits with Julia, and left.

It had been harder than he expected, leaving her there to go home to an empty place. Well, maybe not empty, but it was certainly without the appeal that Aly held. On top of that, it wasn't exactly a grandiose or emotional goodbye, but he realized that he shouldn't have expected that much on his very first visit.

He had kept the picture of him and his princess, though, and had placed in a special spot on his nightstand. Maybe one day he'd get around to finishing it. But for now, it was perfect the way it was.

* * *

**I've been amazed at the response to this story - and I'd like to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to leave a comment. I hope to get better at replying to all of them, but for those that I have missed, I really do appreciate it.  
**

**I'm pretty excited about the next few chapters... I hope everyone else is, too! **


	7. Chapter 6

**Quick A/N this time, as finals, work and a sprained ankle don't mix very well. Sigh, such is life. **

**Anyway, thanks to Newgirl78 for volunteering to beta this! **

* * *

Chapter 6

"Are you _sure_ you can do this, Nick?"

Jess's voice, filled with skepticism, asked again. Nick pressed his phone harder to his ear, hoping that he could quiet his own doubt, and convince Jess in the process.

"Yes, Jess, it's only for a few hours. I have all the emergency numbers," he assured, hoping the nerve didn't show up in his voice. Jess sighed, but took this as a legitimate excuse. He took the opportunity to continue. "And she has extra clothes in her bag from school, which I will make sure she brings home."

It had been almost a month since Nick had met Aly. Sometimes it felt like his relationship with her was moving at a turtle's pace, when other times it felt like he was flying through her life. Julia was slowly getting used to the new routine – he split his time between Jess and Aly Monday thru Wednesday, then Julia Thursday and Friday. Weekends were split, depending on the workload.

Although Jess and Nick took her out on weekends, he never had actually been given the opportunity to take care of her alone.

That is, until Jess needed to stay late for an end-of-school orientation for the new round of kids moving up to middle school, and was left with no other choice but to ask Nick to pick her up from preschool. He had originally been upset that he had not been her first option – Cece was taking a night out with Schmidt – but moments after agreeing to do it, he realized that he had his own share of doubts.

They did got along great, despite everything. There was nothing like seeing Aly's face light up when he walked in, knowing she'd get a few hours, at least, of playtime before he had to return to life. He thought of this as he formed an answer.

"I'll be fine," he finally replied.

Nick put his head in his hands, hanging up with Jess after she finally conceded that no, taking off tonight was not a wise idea, and Nick was going to have to learn how to take care of Aly eventually.

They were still navigating how to tell Aly who he was. Because of this, he was living two separate lives, but was hopeful this stage was temporary. This transition appeared to be the easiest.

He rifled through a few more stacks of paper – _who knew being the owner of a bar required so much signing _– and glanced up at the clock again.

2:30 PM.

Still two and a half hours until he needed to be there. Two until he could leave the bar. Probably about one before he could go hang around the main room without anybody realizing that he was just avoiding work today.

He sighed and pulled another pile of paychecks to go through.

He could do this.

* * *

He ended up leaving an additional fifteen minutes early, just in case. He'd also checked the booster seat in his car (Jess had only reminded him the day before that he actually needed one) twice more to make sure all the buckles were in place.

He felt even less like he knew what he was doing when the GPS on his phone kept leading him in circles, and it was ten minutes after five when he pulled into the parking lot. Thankfully, a playground fenced in behind the parking lot had clued him in on where to go. Around the corner, he could see clear evidence of children – sidewalk chalk, colorful pictures in the window, and the striking cover of disinfectant (still overpowered by the smell of toddlers).

He walked into the building despite how out of place he felt. Part of him still found small children profoundly strange – just not _his_ kid.

Nick followed the signs to the office, passing rooms named after various zoo animals. Jess had told him exactly where to go – ironically, room 4D – and he found the number he was looking for across a hallway banner spelling out "4D DINOS" in footprints.

A cheery woman, dressed in overalls covered in paint, greeted him when he got to the door.

"Aly's dad, right?" She chirped, handing him the roll sheet to sign her out. Nick wished she'd been a little quieter with _that_ revelation, but there weren't any kids nearby to catch what the woman had said. He took this opportunity to gauge how late he was. To his relief, there were still a few kids left late, and he spotted Aly playing in the back with another girl in pigtails.

"Nick!" She waved, getting up to put the blocks back up. She was obviously used to the routine. The teacher gave him an odd look, to which he just shrugged.

"Jess explains it better," he replied quietly.

The woman nodded, unfazed. Surely there were crazier things three-year-olds did. "I mean, I'm sorry to assume, but you look just like her."

"No. I mean, you're right," he added, watching Aly pull her little backpack out of her bin in the back. "I am. I'm Nick, by the way."

"Liz," she held out her hand. "And I figured you were. Jess had you added to her file last week, so you could pick her up."

He shook her hand, and looked over as Aly walked over. He didn't have long to marvel in her words – _he was on Aly's file, _whatever that was. Still, it was a start.

"Ready?" He asked, and she grabbed his hand. Three weeks later, and he was still getting goosebumps from her unwavering trust. The toddler nodded, and Nick led her out the door.

"Bye Miss Liz!" Aly called back as they walked out. Liz waved back at the pair, shutting the door behind her.

"So how was it today?" He asked as they headed into the springtime sun. Aly shrugged, something she had to have picked up from him, and didn't hesitate in her answer.

"Fun," she began, before launching into a detailed description of how Wednesdays were Art Days, and that she glued a macaroni picture but it wouldn't be ready until tomorrow. She played the bells in music class, and this was also her week to be line leader.

What a day in the life of a three-year-old.

Nick nodded dutifully, fully immersed, and felt a small bit of relief in how smoothly this had gone.

When they got to his car, he tried to help her into the car seat before realizing that he had absolutely _no idea_ what to do once she was in it. Luckily, Aly was a pro and helped Nick avoid a small panic-induced call by picking up the buckles and wiggling her way through them.

He sighed, watching her intently. "Glad you know what you're doin', Aly."

"Momma never lets me do them," she explained, but then, sheepishly, "but I know how to do them."

"I trust ya," Nick nodded, getting lost in that little smile. Who cares what other three-year-olds could do, _his_ could buckle in the car seat all by herself.

Finally, he pulled his thoughts together and shut the door, hopping into the driver's side. The CD that Jess had given him was still in the player, so he turned to something that he didn't classify a lullaby.

_It feels like the perfect night  
To dress up like hipsters…_

Aly giggled at the opening beat. "Momma likes to dance to this."

"Oh really?" Nick asked, intrigued. "Does she dance a lot?"

_It's miserable and magical, oh yeah…_

"Lots," Aly nodded, then twisting around in her seat, did the best imitation she could of Jess dancing. "Like this!"

_I dunno about you,  
But I'm feelin' 22… _

Aly may have been imitating her mother, but Nick was sure that she inherited some of his more questionable styles. He tried his hardest not to stare too long in the rearview at her, but allowed himself a few glances at stoplights as they laughed their way through the rest of the song.

He remembered a time, that didn't seem all that long ago, where he had done the same thing just to get a smile out of Jess.

Aly's honesty about her mother left Nick downright hopeful. Deep down, his Jess – the sing-along human – was still somewhere in there.

He turned the wheel, letting the car roll to a stop. He didn't even realize where he'd driven until he was pulling into the driveway. Aly looked at her window, then at him.

"Why are we here?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, uh…" He searched for words. Then, on a surge of sheer confidence, he came up with it. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

He was helping her out of the backseat before she could answer, thankful (and slightly scared) that Aly also knew how to wiggle her way out of the buckles. He picked her up, feeling more and more like a parent as he shut the door with his hip.

"Where is this?" Aly looked at him as they made their way up the walk, her hands holding tight to the collar of his shirt. She'd gotten into the habit recently of playing twenty questions.

"I live here," Nick explained, sliding the key into the door.

"Oh… Who's that?"

Nick had hoped he would at least have time to find Julia, but as soon as the door swung open, Julia was in her usually spot on the couch, and her eyes locked on Aly as the little girl at his side spoke.

"Better question," Julia looked at Nick, more seriously, "would be who's this?"

It was easy for Nick to see why Jess had been so unhappy at him for asking her about Aly at their first meeting, when Aly was _right there_. She was a toddler, not a cat. He didn't even care if Julia was trying to be funny.

"_Aly_," Nick replied, trying to avoid a repeat of his first encounter with her. "Julia, this is Aly. Aly, this is Julia."

Julia looked between Aly and Nick, smiling apprehensively. She was waiting on his next move. He looked down at Aly, and found her gaze turned towards his, biting her lip in question. He knew that it wasn't helping matters with Julia, but her reaction made his heart leap. She was looking to him like she looked to Jess.

"It's okay," he coaxed, and Aly turned slowly to look at Julia. "She's nice, I promise."

"Well hi, Aly," Julia waved. It looked a little odd, and overly babied, and Nick offhandedly wondered if that's how he had looked to Jess when he had first started to spend time with Aly.

"Hi Julia," Aly replied, then blurted, "Do you live here?"

Julia nodded. "Yes I do."

"With Nick?" Aly tilted her head.

"She does," Nick answered.

"So you're _mar-ried_?" Aly asked with an innocent smile. Nick felt his stomach flip. This was not the way he wanted this conversation to go.

"Almost," Julia quipped.

Aly thought about this, her forehead creased in thought. "Aunt Cece says…" she giggled. "…says that you lived with my mom," she pointed at Nick.

_Dammit Cece. _

This was some sort of payback, for sure.

"Um… yeah, a long time ago," he agreed cautiously. Julia took a step back, clearly uncomfortable.

"Did you almost marry her, too?"

This time, Nick's insides felt as if they'd fallen to the floor. Julia's began to back away, ducking out of what was sure to be another round of awkward questioning, and a possible Nick Miller vocabulary lock-up. Trying to save what was left of the situation, Nick looked down at Aly and shook his head quickly.

"We were just roommates," he lied. One day she would be old enough to know that he wasn't being truthful… But he wasn't ready to give her a talk that would ultimately lead to where she came from. Then, he looked at Julia. "And I think it's time to go."

Julia turned around and smiled tightly. "It was nice to meet you, Aly."

Aly turned from her gaze again, and let her cheek rest on Nick's shoulder. If his heart hadn't already been hammering from the conversation he just had, it certainly was now.

Funny how Aly could cause something like that to happen in two completely different ways.

* * *

Nick had two hours to entertain Aly before Jess got home. With some luck, another round of music from Jess's CD was enough to quiet any other questions Aly had for him. He also let her help cook dinner (pressing the preheat button on the oven), which directed her into another chat about her favorite foods.

Pasta. Bananas. Chicken Nuggets. Nick took mental notes.

Jess apparently remembered how box instructions just didn't cut it for him, as the frozen pasta dinner she had left out for him to fix had a note with it, detailing each step carefully in her neat, teacher-ly handwriting.

He'd spent the last hour trying to keep Aly busy enough to forget about today's episode. That's what Jess told him that she did when Aly started asking questions that she didn't need to know the answer to.

It worked until Jess walked in the door.

"Momma!" Aly clamored, running to the door as soon as she heard the keys.

"Oh, I missed you today, baby," Jess grinned and put her purse down, pulling Aly into her arms. Inadvertently, Nick smiled. She placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "How was your day?"

"_Good!_" Aly replied, bouncing in her mother's embrace. She launched into a story about her macaroni picture (which Nick had already heard twice). Lately, he'd been focusing more and more on Jess and how she dealt with Aly - how she was so at ease with their daughter, right down to her facial expressions that changed with every story. If nothing else, Nick knew he could take cues from that. He continued to watch the scene from the table, only listening in every now and then to see exactly where Aly was with the current story.

" – and then I met _Julia_…" Aly babbled. Jess snapped around to face Nick, just as quickly as he hopped out of his seat.

"Aly," he interrupted, "I think – "

"They're _almost mar-ried_!" Aly continued, drawing out the last syllable like she had before. He didn't even have to look up to tell if Jess was mad about Julia. Nick was no stranger to Jess's fury, but he felt her gaze before meeting it. The look in her eyes was like _nothing_ he was accustomed to.

_Uh-oh. _

He could almost _feel_ the success of his night drain wistfully away at that stare.

"I think it's time for bed," Jess suddenly told Aly. Aly frowned, placing her arms across her chest.

"I'm not tired, Momma," she whined.

Jess sighed, and when she turned to Aly, it was like a switch had flipped. Her gaze was soft and her voice just as soothing as before. "We'll see after a bath."

Nick grabbed his keys to slip out as the pair made their way to the bathroom, but Jess reappeared as he reached the door. She grabbed his arm, pulled him towards the couch, and sat him down.

"It takes me twenty minutes to get her to go to sleep. We've got some things to talk about."

With that, she spun on her heel and walked away, leaving Nick on the couch, frozen in his spot. He wasn't entirely sure why Jess was so angry over this, but he knew better than to move right now.

Jess had something to say, and he had a pretty good idea that it was not along the lines of "good job."

* * *

**Another thank you for the awesome feedback! The next chapter is another big one (and one of my favorites, at that) - so stay tuned! **


	8. Chapter 7

**Another quick A/N, because I've got dinner plans calling.**

**My favorite chapter to write. This one just kind of flew off the keys, if you know what I mean.**

* * *

Chapter 7

_When you're young, you can fly  
But we trip on clouds 'cause we get too high  
And we grow up, and then it's gone  
Oh, God only knows what we'll become_

Jess was gone just long enough to give Nick the opportunity to get defensive. She'd even hurried Aly out of the bathroom after her bath, giving Nick no chance to even say goodnight.

This inevitably led to more brooding.

If he were going to be in Aly's life, then Julia would also be a natural part of that. It was just expected. They'd moved slower than freaking _Christmas _on his involvement in her life, and he was putting both of them above everything else. He'd been leaving work early. He hadn't talked to Schmidt or Winston in at least a week.

Jess couldn't string him along like this forever, then get mad when he started making decisions!

Besides, Cece was the one who had fueled Aly's marriage conversation. Cece meeting Aly was one hundred percent Jess's decision.

Just as he had gotten up the nerve to move, Jess tiptoed out of Aly's bedroom, clicking the door shut behind her. Thirty minutes with her daughter hadn't eased the tension in her body as she ushered him into her room.

He took a seat on her bed, like the spot had his name on it or something, and she turned to face him, letting out a slow breath.

"Nick, what the _hell_ were you _thinking_?" She hissed.

He was _not_ in the mood for that.

"What was _I_ thinking?" He repeated sarcastically. "Oh, I don't know, Jessica. Maybe that Aly should meet someone that's important to _me_."

"I told you to bring her straight here," she shot back, more edge in her voice. "There's so much she doesn't understand yet!"

Nick rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're giving her enough credit."

"Nicholas, she is _three years old_. How is she supposed to know what any of this means?"

"Oh, I don't know, Jess, why don't you ask Cece? She sure thinks Aly can take it," he cried. When Jess didn't respond, he continued. "Yeah, did you know that? Cece told Aly that we lived together. She asked if I'd almost married _you_, too. So, why am I suddenly subject to all these rules when you can do what you please with her, and let Cece just come and fill her head like that?"

"You haven't _raised_ her Nick! I have!" Jess threw her arms out, her voice rising. "You're walking around like you know _so_ much about her, like you have _any_ idea how to _really_ be a parent, and you _don't_. You've taken care of her for a total of three hours alone!"

"And whose fault is that?!" Nick rose to his feet, the volume of his voice matching Jess's. Neither seemed to be backing down, and like _hell_ Nick was going to let Jess try to pin this all on him.

"Do you ever _think_ before you talk?" Jess shook her head. "I forgot - of course not! Because you know _everything_! Nevermind that _I_ was the only one who woke up every two hours when she was a crying newborn, that I didn't get more than six hours of sleep until she was six months old! Nevermind that _I'm_ there for every stomachache, every tear, every scraped knee, and that I went through all of that _by myself_. Nope, I know nothing."

Jess was close enough to him now that he could see the tears welling up in her eyes. Her breath was heavy, and he was keenly aware of the way her chest rose and fell.

"I'm not saying that, Jess," he replied, trying to keep his voice even. "But you left me. You left _all of us_. Then you come back and let Cece into her life, someone who really didn't need that, and then think you can chastise me for bringing her to meet Julia?"

Jess frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"See, Jess? There's things that you don't know, either," Nick took a hold of her shoulders. "Cece and Schmidt have been trying for two years to start a family. They have been through _hell and back_. And then you come bouncing along, Aly in tow, and don't realize - "

"Excuse me?" Jess's eyes spoke volumes.

He'd forgotten just how furious Jess could get. She pushed his hands away, taking up her defensive stance.

"I come 'bouncing' along?" She repeated, her small frame standing tall in front of him. "I came back and had _no one_. I'm not going to call you like that, out of the blue, and ask you to come watch her! Not after what you told me the day I left!"

_Wait… _What _did_ he say?

He tried to remember, but then noticed that her nose was almost touching his. Nick felt his eyes go wide, and his heart skipped a beat. At her movement, he was closer than he had been to her in four years. _Four long years. _And she still smelled like Jess, like _his_ Jess. All flower-y and liquid freaking sunshine, if it was even possible.

He felt the electricity between their bodies, a remnant of the undeniable chemistry that they had once shared. If he could only just wrap his arms around her waist one more time…

It was times like these four years ago that he would've just leaned forward and _kissed_ her. Kissed her _senseless_. He let his gaze lower to her lips, wondering if they were still just as soft…

Apparently, Jess had felt the exact same thing, as she took a quick step back before Nick had the chance to think any further.

He cleared his throat, and shook the thoughts out of his head. Aly was obviously not the only one who had the power to muddle his mind… Or, rather, she'd simply inherited it from the master.

Nick tried to piece back together what they were previously discussing.

_Oh, right, she's mad about Julia._

"Look, I'm trying to work with you here," he began, quietly.

"You can't even admit to me that you're getting married," Jess responded, the hurt evident in her voice. Nick's heart sank. "You let me find it out from Aly."

"Don't feel too special, I haven't even told my own mother yet."

Jess rolled her eyes at his slight attempt at humor. "I hardly think that'll come as much of a shock to her. Mothers just know."

"Maybe," he mused, deep down knowing that his mother was still holding out hope for someone else. Someone that was looking right back at him.

"We've got to be better about talking," Jess continued. "And I know you're trying, Nick, but after everything you've said, the doubts are hard to get over…"

"Can we let that _go_ already?" Nick ran a hand through his hair, his voice rising again. "Look, I'm her _father_ and, whether I like it or not, I'm _here_!"

There was a little gasp from the doorway, and Nick's insides twisted menacingly. Behind Jess's frozen form, peeking around the door, those blue eyes so much like her mother's bore into him, blinking back tears.

No, no, _no_.

Of course Aly would walk in and hear _that_.

Jess stepped forward, but not before firing off a glare directed at Nick that could rival his mother's best. He now truly felt he knew what _shooting daggers_ looked like.

Aly ran away at the movement, but Jess was quicker, going right after her without hesitation. She caught Aly in the living room, pulling her close before the real waterworks started. Aly wouldn't look at Nick as he stepped into the room, her cries muffled only slightly by Jess's shirt. He felt his heart being torn in pieces as he watched the scene play out before him, this little girl, _his daughter_, crying over what she had just heard.

It had been so enlightening, almost _heartwarming_, to have such a clean start with Aly. A start that didn't include his smart-ass remarks or inability to think before he spoke… And now it had affected so much more than his relationship with Jess.

As he stood there, watching Jess stroke Aly's hair, he tried to think of what to say.

_Anything_ would be better than what his last words were.

Jess, though, beat him to it.

"I think you should go, Nick," she said, her voice firm and hollow.

"But – "

"_No_," she warned, clutching Aly tighter to her chest. Nick's hands were shaking; terrified he wasn't just losing Jess this time. He was losing Aly, too.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, and the hot sting of tears in his eyes was the final straw. Grabbing his keys, he ran out the door before he could cause any more damage to two of the people in this world that he cared about the most.

* * *

Nick didn't allow himself to think too hard until he got to the bar, or else his car would've ended up on the side of the road somewhere. Bob was managing that night, and never the one to intrude, let Nick sneak back into the office without much of a hassle.

Nick pulled a beer out of the back stock, crashing onto one of the old couches that his more questionable employees seemed to spend a lot of time on. Is this what his life had come to? Avoiding home, leaving his daughter, and crashing on the couch in the back office of a bar?

Jess's voice resonated in his head.

_I'm not going to call you like that, out of the blue, and ask you to come watch her! Not after what you told me the day I left!_

He squeezed his eyes shut, letting the swing of alcohol settle in his stomach. It took a lot more to go to his head, but the stress of the night already had his thoughts hazy. As he put his head against the arm of the couch, he finally let go.

He'd locked away the regret, the ache, for four years. He'd tried for so long to forget, because he knew that his words had heart her. Would he ever learn his lesson?

With a cloudy mind and a torn heart, he let himself think back to the night she left… To the night he had tried so long to forget…

"_I found this cozy little place off of Lamar…" Jess babbled on from the driver's seat, oblivious to Nick's head resting against the passenger side window. _

_It had been a long day at the bar._

_Hell, it'd been a long week. _

_He'd been scheduled 30 hours, but had already worked closer to 40. Shane was being her typical pain-in-the-ass self. Jess was not-so-subtly hinting that they look at houses, although their lease at the loft was far from over. The alternator on his car had gone out on Monday, which is why Jess was driving him home at 2 AM. _

"_Can we talk about something else?" He groaned. Jess frowned._

"_Why are you being like this, Nick?"_

_He closed his eyes, knowing that his words were hurtful, but still too stubborn to let it go. Jess had been touchy lately, anyway. It wasn't all him. _

"_You don't have to go around acting like we need some kind of white picket fence," he replied sarcastically. "Or would you like to do the whole proposal thing for me?"_

_He could feel her eyes on him, disbelieving. He wasn't going to act like their relationship had been perfect lately. _

"_Excuse me for trying to have a life with you," she huffed. He felt the car pull to a stop and looked up, barely registering that they were home. _

_Her words caused his pessimism to blossom. "We have a life. It's at 4D. Why is that suddenly not good enough for you?" _

_He wasn't choosing his battles carefully, he knew it. Still, it wasn't enough to get him to shut his mouth. _

_They got out of the car, and Nick following closely behind Jess. He could tell she was about to start crying again, which just caused him to shut down further. He grabbed her arm, hoping to at least slow her down. _

"_What's gotten into you, Jess?" _

_She turned to face him, her scowl unlike any Nick had seen before. _

"_What's gotten into me?" She repeated, then, just as bitterly, "Nick, I'm trying to get us ready for life, because it's going to come at us quick!"_

"_Not this again…" He muttered. They'd had a fight about their future not three days ago. _

"_I can't believe you're doing this!" she scoffed, turning on her heel. She reached the apartment before Nick, and ran into her room before he had the chance to stop her. Usually, he'd let it sit awhile, but he couldn't go to bed like that again. He'd lost enough sleep from work this week, and he was in no mood to let her add to it. _

"_Jess," he called at her door, not really caring that Schmidt and Winston might hear, "open the door."_

_He hadn't expected that to work, but almost reluctantly, she did. She was holding back her tears, and her arms crossed her chest like she was containing herself. _

"_Nick, we have to talk about this," she said evenly. _

"_Then talk!" He fired back, tired of the circles that she was going in. Her silence irked him even more. "You want to talk about the future? Sure! How's this?" He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm a bartender. You're a teacher who can barely look out for yourself." _

_Jess's jaw set in a hard line. "That's not fair. I did just fine the thirty years before you came along."_

"_Barely," he retorted. He ignored the doe-eyes she was giving him, intentional or not. "You almost had a three-way with our landlord just to prove me wrong, for crying out loud! You think life is all about unicorns and rainbows and that singing will fix all of your problems." _

"_It's better than hating the world," she argued._

_Nick ignored that. "You came into this knowing that I am not great at life. Then you won't talk to me for two days when I tell you I don't want to talk about things like kids and a house!" _

"_You knew, from the very start, that I wanted kids," she defended. "I was okay with whatever we could do to make it work." _

"_We're messed up, Jess!" Nick threw his hands out, his words coming before he had a chance to really think about them. "It's not just me this time! Do you honestly think that considering this is good for us? Look, we can't even have a civilized conversation about it, not to mention how we can afford it. There is no way this can end well. Neither of us is cut out for that."_

"_Nick, all I'm asking – "_

"_All _you're_ asking? Did you ever consider asking me what _I_ wanted?"_

_She looked at him again, chewing her bottom lip. She knew she hadn't. _

_Nick continued, his anger still coursing through his body, "Look at us! Did you really think I'd ever want a family like _that_?" _

_He knew the words were a mistake before they'd left his mouth. _

_His breath still came ragged as he watched the words sink into Jess. He braced for her response, waiting for the ball to drop and her fire to explode, something he probably deserved. Instead, though, he saw the color drain from her face. He saw stark realization in her eyes, her arms falling lower until she was hugging her abdomen like she had a stomachache. _

_The silence that followed scared Nick more than any kind of argument would have. _

_Quietly, and so very unlike her usual self, she stepped around him and held back hiccupped sobs until she made it to the door. He just didn't have the energy to go after her, and so he watched her shadow disappear through the front door, and, unbeknownst to him, walk out of his life for good. _

The sting of regrets raw in his mind, Nick finally let his head wrap around what he had done to her night. She had never returned, and had opted to move out while he was at work, leaving Schmidt and Winston with two month's worth of rent and an ad already up on Craigslist for a new roommate.

He had never gone after her, in fear of what he would find. Would a happy, free-of-Nick Jess hurt him more than one that was just as upset over the fight?

He didn't know, because the only place he had ever wanted her to be was with him.

_Neither of us are cut out for that right now!_

_Did you really think I'd ever want a family like that? _

No wonder she had left him. No wonder she was scared to let him back in.

Two very different nights, separated by four years and insurmountable pain… Yet, he had proved himself somewhat right. He had never meant that Jess couldn't do it, and Aly was living proof that she was more than good at it.

Coming to terms with his insecurities was never his strong suit.

So, as it seemed, he'd just taken them out on everyone else he cared about.

* * *

**Not really a cliffhanger... or is it? Thanks again to Newgirl78 for beta-ing this!**

**Also, thanks again for reading. It's been such a great experience to finally put this story out there, and I'm pretty overwhelmed at the response. Not even halfway done, either! **


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! Thanks again for the amazing feedback! All of the commentary, ideas, and honest opinions really push me to make each new chapter as good as it can be, and I cannot thank you guys enough for that. Newgirl78 gets a special thank you, too, because she's really helped shape these next few chapters. **

**Next update probably won't be until next week. I've got a weekend full of studying ahead of me... **

* * *

Chapter 8

"Is Nick mad because he's my dad?"

Blue eyes stared back at blue, the first words spoken in what had otherwise been an exclusively teary night. Jess knelt down by Aly's bed, the toddler's voice lingering, wiping away the tears still streaming down her face. Jess's breathing was coming in shaky intervals as she tried to keep calm. She'd done such a good job over the years of not letting her struggles affect her daughter, but Nick was making things like that so much harder.

The innocence in her question was quite astonishing. Aside from being scared from the bickering that she had witnessed, Aly seemed surprisingly accepting about Nick. Not that Jess had ever doubted that. Aly had really started to look up to him.

"No, no," Jess took her hand and squeezed it. She wished she could tell Aly what a downright ass that Nick was being, and then fill her head with promises to never let that happen again, but that would be counter-productive to what she came to LA to do. Aly had just been cursed with parents that just couldn't get along. "He was just upset. Grown ups just..." She sighed. "We say bad things when we're upset."

Jess took the opportunity to grab a tissue and wipe Aly's nose.

As soon as she was done, her daughter was quick to resume the conversation. "Why was he upset? Was it because I cried?"

_Because Nick Miller has absolutely no idea how to speak in front of you. Because your mother doesn't want to lose you. Because your parents jumped into a relationship entirely too fast._

_Because old feelings are hard to get over._

"It wasn't that at all, Aly," she assured.

Jess sighed. As much as she wanted to say it was because that was Nick and he would just never change, she knew better. Aly had a way of bringing out the truth sometimes, no matter how much it hurt.

Aly blinked back a few more tears, patiently waiting for a better answer.

"It was because Momma made a mess of things," Jess finally whispered, the first time she'd said it out loud. She almost could feel the pressure on her heart lessen at Aly's gaze, if only temporarily. "And it hurt a lot of people along the way."

There. _That was it_. She leaned against the bed, trying to keep herself from losing it in front of her daughter.

"Is that why he wants to marry Julia?"

To Jess's surprise, there weren't tears in her daughter's eyes. Instead, there was a hint of honest curiosity.

_Because I pushed him away,_ was the first answer that came to her mind.

"He's marrying Julia because he loves her," Jess replied instead, her voice gentle.

Aly briefly considered this, then looked at her mother again. "But doesn't he love us, too?"

There were a lot of implications that could be drawn from that question, something Jess had learned to pick up from raising an amazing perceptive child. Jess knew all to well the appeal a two-parent kind of household could have to a child, and it hurt her more than she had ever expected knowing that it was something Aly may never get.

"He loves _you_," Jess put a hand on Aly's forehead, "and that's all that matters."

With this, Aly smiled a little, settled back and closed her eyes. Jess hummed a few melodies familiar to her, but didn't bother with the words. Her mind was stirred up with the secrets that she had bottled up for so long. She'd really managed to turn a lot of lives upside down, so how was it possible for her to blame Nick for his reaction to something she had caused?

When she was finally convinced that Aly was asleep, she tiptoed out of the room.

Nick Miller might act like he knew more about Aly than she did, but she couldn't help but feel a little pride for averting this crisis completely on her own. She even allowed herself a little time to be bitter. Outside of Aly's presence, it seemed a little easier to be like that.

Stupid Nick.

She had been able to resist one of his most beloved tactics earlier – the kiss-and-she'll-forget kind – albeit it was a struggle. He'd made it easy, though, when he reminded her that he was, in fact, still bitter about their break-up and decided to say (rather loudly) that he was there, _whether he likes it or not_.

His words had been the exact opposite of what she would've classified her life with Aly up to that point, and maybe that is what had made her so _mad_.

Life, although difficult at times, had been a crazy strange mix of wonderful and nerve-wracking chaos that, at the end of the day, let her sing to a little girl who looked at her like she could do no wrong. If only Aly _knew_ the kind of mistakes Jess had made along the way. She had holed up and hidden her old self, all to protect her daughter from the life that had so screwed her up. But with Aly, she could be herself. She could be silly and happy and naïve when it was just the two of them.

She entered her room and left the door cracked – Aly would surely be joining her later, once she realized that her mother wasn't singing her to sleep anymore – and settled into her own bed. She curled into her favorite pillow and took in a deep breath.

Only then did she let her resolve break, because, unfortunately, being a full-time parent also meant that she had a better grasp on the difference between right and wrong, and what she still needed to do, despite Nick's obvious chagrin.

She tried to shake the image from earlier of his tensed form, spitting hurtful words while standing directly between her and Aly, out of her head. A few stray tears squeezed their way out. Before she could dry her eyes, Jess felt the weight shift just slightly at the end of the bed.

Aly slowly crawled in beside her, wriggling herself into Jess's arms. She tried to pull herself together in enough time to keep Aly out of her personal struggles, _as if Aly needed anything else to worry about_, but her sniffles were a dead giveaway.

"Don't cry, Momma," Aly replied through a yawn. "I won't cry next time, I promise."

Jess smiled weakly into her hair and kissed the top of her head. 'Next time' would come another day. There were a lot of things that she still needed to do, but while she still had Aly close, she closed her eyes and desperately tried to not think about tomorrow.

* * *

Still lying face-down on the couch in the back of the bar, Nick let out a groan when he felt two hands pull up on his shoulders. There was no way he was getting up - he'd only been allowed to wallow in his self-pity for twenty minutes. He wasn't even close to being done.

The absurdly clean smell of aftershave filled his senses as he resisted the movement even more.

"Go away, Schmidt."

He could almost _feel_ the eye-roll that came after that, despite the fact that he was still staring straight at the worn pattern of the couch. For as skinny as Schmidt was, he still managed to fight Nick into a sitting position, and his efforts caused Nick's frown to deepen.

"Why are you here?" Nick asked, pulling another bottle of strong-smelling liquid to his lips.

"To keep you from doing something stupid," Schmidt replied as he flopped onto the other side of the sofa. "And making bad decisions."

"I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself," Nick huffed, crossing his hands over his chest.

This was rewarded with another eye-roll. "_Obviously_," Schmidt drawled, motioning his hand at the sight before him.

Nick quickly put the bottle down, taking in his surroundings. The situation didn't look _that_ bad, aside from the two empty beer bottles on the floor and the liquor off to his side. Schmidt should know by now that it took a lot more than that to get him into doing stupid things. He really couldn't help the bad decisions part, though. He could barely manage that sober.

"I'm serious, Schmidt," he complained, "Just let me be pissed off at myself for a little while."

Schmidt shrugged. "Fine. Be mad at yourself. Doesn't affect me."

Still, he didn't move.

"How'd you know I was here?" Nick asked, disregarding the fact that he owned the place.

"I didn't," Schmidt replied easily. "I made a good first guess. Your girlfriend thought you were out gallivanting and making questionable choices with _me_. Which, I'm quite offended by, given my remarkable streak of - "

"Julia called you?" Nick interrupted.

Schmidt glared at him.

"No, Nicholas, she told me telepathically," his voice was dripping sarcasm. "Of course she _called_ me. So, are you going to tell me what happened or not?"

Nick sighed. "What's there to say? My life is messed up. If Julia isn't mad at me, Jess is. I can't even keep my own kid happy for longer than a few weeks."

Schmidt didn't miss a beat.

"Julia's _jealous_, Jess is _scared_, and Aly is _three_," he retorted, sticking up a finger for each reason. "It's not _that_ surprising. I'd hardly consider that grounds to make your life 'messed up.'"

Nick winced, a part of him seeing the reasoning behind what Schmidt was saying. For all of the garbage that they had given Schmidt over the years, he was always the guy Nick went to in order to get advice (aside from Tran). He'd even let Schmidt dress him for his first sort-of date with Jess. There was a deep respect there, and the past few years had probably been harder on Schmidt than any of them, yet here he was, taking care of Nick _once again_. Nick shook his head as he leaned into the couch cushions.

"How can you just have life figured out like that, Schmidt?"

Schmidt looked back at him then, and Nick was surprised to see a split second of uncertainty cross his features. There weren't a lot of things that would break Schmidt's confident facade, so Nick had a pretty good idea over what he was so shaken over.

"Who said I had it all figured out?" Schmidt replied, surprisingly bitter.

"You're married. You _decided_ you wanted kids. You're so sure you want all of this."

"A lot of opinions change when you're told that you can't have something," Schmidt answered. Then, quieter, "Even if you never really knew you wanted it."

Nick knew he wasn't just talking about the baby thing anymore, though that was still a large part of it. He thought all the way back to what Schmidt had said the day that they had celebrated ten years of living together - to the day that Shivrang had proposed to Cece.

_It just sucks when things don't work out the way you planned._

Nick understood that entirely too well.

Schmidt looked sadly at Nick in their silence, taking in a breath as he continued, "I just don't want you to miss out on an amazing experience because you don't know what it's like to really _want_ it."

"I _do_ want it," Nick argued. "I know I don't... you know... act like it."

"Well, that's convincing," Schmidt countered. Then, he raised his eyebrows, beckoning Nick to try again. Nick took in another gulp of air. He still wasn't very good at the emotional garbage, even when he had every reason to be.

"Aly's one of the most important things in my life. She's... she's the best thing that I never knew I wanted."

Schmidt laughed. "Slightly more acceptable. We'll work on that."

Nick laughed with him, probably the first time he'd done so since before Jess had arrived home that night. He may not have felt it deep down, the kind of laugh that left him with ethereal lightness in his head, but he could live with this.

Happy with their mutual understanding, Schmidt looked down to check his watch. He sighed, and with a shake of his head, stood up.

"Look, it's late, and I have work in the morning. The _youths_ are out in full force tonight, I'm certain."

Nick smiled weakly.

"See ya, Schmidt," he waved, starting to toss the empty bottles around him into the trash

"Call your girlfriend," Schmidt added on his way to the door, "so she stops calling me."

"She only called you once!" Nick commented back, and Schmidt dismissed this with a dramatic wave of his hand as he walked out of the office area.

Nick barely made out the _"That's one more than I wanted!"_ from the hallway. The employee door _whooshed_ as Schmidt returned to the bar area, leaving Nick alone once more.

As he grabbed the last bottle of liquor, his hand hesitated above the shelf where it belonged. He knew that admitting that his daughter was changing his world for the better was a good start, but shouldn't that have been obvious? Had he really done that bad of a job relaying that to Jess? To Aly?

He didn't know if it was his annoying ability to over think the situation, or if it the uneasiness settling in was just the alcohol talking. He didn't want to go home... Not yet. That would mean he'd have to stomach, and eventually accept, the reality that both Julia and Jess expected a lot out of him. He'd have to face his daughter, too. He couldn't even figure out what order he would rank those in - they equally terrified him.

The image of Aly's body huddled into Jess was enough to make the bottle of liquor look even more enticing. It wasn't like he'd be good to drive home for awhile, anyway.

He shrugged, and fell onto the couch once more.

Just one night. That's all he needed.

* * *

Julia was, surprisingly, not pissed off when Nick walked through the door the next afternoon.

After spending the night on the couch, and nursing a wicked hangover while he drove home to change, he'd arrived home shortly after Julia had left for work that morning.

He'd had the entire drive back to the bar to think about what he must have looked like the night before. It had been a long time since he'd let himself drink like that. Even though he barely remembered anything after the bar had closed, he knew that Bob had heard more than he had signed up for.

Damn him being such a whiny drunk.

It was during the silent cursing session that Nick opened the front door, bracing for Julia's interrogation. Oddly enough, upon first inspection of the living room, he almost didn't recognize her thin figure curled up on the couch. She was wearing the one pair of running shorts she owned, along with one of his shirts.

She smiled softly at him, motioning to a cup of tea sitting on the nearby side table.

"I heard you had a rough night," she began as he took a seat next to her, "so I thought this would help."

Nick took a few small sips, ignoring the fact that it was spring in California and he was drinking hot tea. Julia sure knew how to mend one of his day-after breakdowns. Her current choice of clothing was pretty easy on the eyes as well.

"Thanks," he finally added, pulling her close to him. "And who called you?"

"Bob," she replied matter-of-factly. Nick chuckled.

"Gotta give that guy a raise or something," he mused darkly, "with the amount of babysitting he's done for me."

Julia looked up at him with just the smallest hint of pity, and Nick was suddenly extremely suspicious.

She _hated_ when he came home hungover.

"What's wrong?" He prodded, placing the now-empty mug on the floor. She shook her head, trying to cast the question off, but Nick wouldn't have it. "Seriously, Julia, what is it?"

She paused and took his hand, leaning back onto the arm of the couch so she could face him. Was that _concern_ in her eyes?

"Jess came into the office today."

Nick furrowed his eyebrows. "To come see you?"

"No," Julia shook her head, the words coming harder to manage, "she didn't know I was there."

_If she wasn't there to see Julia, then why…_

Nick felt the color drain from his face.

"What…" he swallowed, "…who… I – I don't understand."

"I only caught part of her conversation," Julia reasoned, squeezing Nick's hand a little tighter, "but she was talking about visitation and arrangements to one of our new guys. He's taking on some new cases."

He let his head fall against the back cushion of the couch, his mind racing at why Jess would do that to him. Jess was the one that acted like they didn't need lawyers and courtrooms. He had so adamantly denied it when Julia had brought it up… and now that's exactly what she was doing.

_Aly is too young for this. _

Did she not care what it would do to Aly? He ran a hand through his hair, trying to resist the urge to call Jess and leave ten more voicemails on her phone – to do whatever it took to get her to pick up the phone. He wasn't going to lose Aly that easily. He _couldn't_ lose her like that.

"I don't know what to say," he breathed, the tea doing little to calm him down.

"You've got me," Julia reasoned, treading carefully. "I'll make sure you get to see her more than twice a year."

Her words weren't nearly as reassuring as Nick wanted them to be. "Do you want her in your life?"

"Of course!" She replied, a little too cheerfully. Nick narrowed his eyes, and she shook her head. "Nick, kids are hard for me to get used to, okay? But before I saw Jess today, I was going to ask you if you wanted to maybe consider letting her be the flower girl?"

"The flower girl?" Nick asked, confused.

"For the wedding?" She responded flatly.

Nick could've kicked himself.

"Oh, yeah, uh… _that_."

He somehow doubted that would go over well with Jess under good circumstances, let alone the one they were currently facing. Exasperated, Julia got up to leave, and Nick followed her to their room, determined not to get another person angry with him in twenty-four hours.

"Julia, wait!" He grabbed her hand pulling her in. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Like _what_, Nick?" She pulled away. He held on tighter.

"Like… you know…"

She waited.

Nick sighed.

"Like I'm not serious about it. Because I, uh, am."

"Convincing," Julia rolled her eyes, a stark reminder of the conversation he'd had with Schmidt the night before. He was spreading himself thin, for sure, but surely he wasn't that bad at showing the people he loved exactly how much he cared about them. It was too late in the day to fix one of those things... But maybe he could right something with Julia before he went back to face Jess.

Nick sucked in another breath, trying to swallow back all of the doubt he had let build since they'd decided to do this, and twirled the ring on her finger.

"Then why don't we talk about it now?" He replied. "We can look at dates… food… Maybe a magazine or something?"

Julia smiled weakly, the resolve in her face fading. "I'd really like that."

Nick still wasn't sure if he'd just launched himself further into adulthood, or right back to being a cowardly child, but one thing was for sure – he was going to commit to something this time.

* * *

**I'm slowly but surely getting caught up on review replies. If I don't get around to you, just know that I HAVE read every review and appreciate every bit of commentary. And for those of you with guest posts - if I could reply, I would! **

**Until next time! **


	10. Chapter 9

**I seriously planned to put this up last night... and then I fell asleep and completely forgot. Oops. **

**Hope everyone had a good weekend, and that we're all excited for a little Nick/Jess/Aly chapter...**

* * *

Chapter 9

It took a few days, and the bout of silence dragged on so much longer to Nick than their last disagreement. Nick just couldn't get the courage to pick up the phone, and he couldn't even figure out the reason why.

Maybe it was because he just felt _empty_ knowing that Aly was living her life elsewhere without him, like it was better for her that way. Maybe it was because he wasn't ready for Jess to drop the 'I called a lawyer' bomb, and he was giving into the fear and just shutting down like he always did. Or, maybe, it was because he had set a tentative wedding date and he still couldn't tell his mom.

Whatever it was, the silence finally ended when his phone rang in the early afternoon the Saturday before Easter, Jess's name flashing ominously on the screen. He had to go to work in a few hours, but he took the call anyway, knowing that he couldn't stand to hear what she had to say on a holiday or over a voicemail.

"Jess?" He picked up, trying not to sound too cold.

"Hey, Nick," she cautiously replied. "Look, I know it's been awhile, but I just wanted to tell you – "

"I don't need to hear it," he interrupted, his anxiety bubbling over. "I know."

"You… know?" It was hard to tell over the phone, but Jess seemed skeptic. The days apart had softened her voice, that was for sure. He didn't know how to take that. Was she actually sorry for what she was doing?

"Yeah," he replied and this time, Nick knew it sounded cold. "You can't just go to Julia's firm and act like it'll come as a shock to me."

There was some silence, before Jess let out a sigh.

"That was _Julia's_ firm?"

Was that _relief_ he heard? In his head, though, all he registered was how Jess had just _admitted_ to being there.

"Why didn't you just try to settle this with me?" He tried, he really tried, not to sound hurt. Too bad he was terrible about hiding stuff like that around Jess.

"Wait, settle _what_?" She asked, her tone an edge of surprise.

"When I get to see Aly. Our... _arrangements_."

He couldn't even bring himself to use an actual legal term. One of the things he'd rather not associate with his daughter was the coldness of a courtroom.

There was a pause on the line. Was she surprised he knew? Was she mad?

Then, out of nowhere, she started _laughing_. Laughing harder than he'd heard from her in a long, _long_ time

_What the..._

"For crying out loud, Nick," she said after the initial outburst, "you thought I had the guts to go to a lawyer about _that_?"

He considered this. Quite frankly, he didn't know what to make of this new Jess. "Well… uh, yeah. I did."

Then, so much like he would sit on the phone with Jess four years ago, he started laughing, too. Because old Jess did this kind of thing. Old Jess would threaten and fight with him, with no resolution ever reached, but in the end, would always make it sound like he was stupid to worry. No matter how serious.

Her laugh was contagious. He'd honestly forgotten how much he had loved it.

The smile in her voice was evident, as was a tiny bit of relief. "I just called to tell you that Aly misses you... and that I think you should come see her. That's all. Thank you, though, for the laugh."

His own smile was becoming hard to contain. Everything else became hazy, fading into the background.

"She… She does?"

"Afraid so," Jess responded slyly. "Would you maybe like to come over tonight?"

He was already up and throwing his work shirt on as Jess asked the question. "I can come for an hour," he said, "I've got to help close tonight, because it's a holiday, but I'll be there as soon as I can."

With that, he hung up and sprung out the door, the words _Aly misses you _chorusing through his thoughts.

She missed him.

After everything she had heard, after all of the stupid things he said, she still missed him.

His drive over was almost surreal. The grass was just a little bit greener, the sky just a little bit bluer.

Aly _missed_ him.

It was an awesome feeling. He felt it was comparable to his first night with Jess – it was that same disbelieving _hope_ that something good could come out of two people who spent half of their time in love, and the other half hating each other's very core.

After a week, he'd almost forgotten small things – such as the step halfway up the walk that was just slightly higher than the rest. Not that he'd really missed that part, but he was certain his legs remembered faster than his mind, like it was engrained into him now.

It was like a second home.

When Jess opened the door this time, he didn't have much time to react. An anxious Aly was waiting right behind her, flying into him.

"I missed you, Nick," she said as he bent down, pulling her close to him. She wrapped her short arms as far around his neck as they would go, and he held her close.

_This_ was the good stuff.

"I missed you, too, princess," he whispered, "and I'm so sorry for getting upset."

He could feel her pull closer. "Me too."

She remained there longer than usual, and Nick wasn't going to object. However, Aly still contained a three-year-old's attention span, and wiggled out of his grasp soon after their reconciliation.

"I gotta show you somethin'." She smiled, turning to go to her bedroom. "I drew it yesterday! Stay there!"

As she bounded off, Nick rose, only to meet Jess's stare, drops forming at the edge of her eyes.

Nick wasn't quite ready for the butterflies that tickled his stomach.

"You okay?" he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I will be," she assured, hugging her arms to her chest. Then, sadly, "I'm sorry about all of this, Nick. I really, really am."

He looked at her, puzzled.

"You have every right to be mad at me, you know," Nick eased, taking a step closer. "And you're apologizing to _me_?"

"I made this mess."

With this, he laughed. "I am pretty sure I helped."

"Maybe a little."

"Probably a lot."

She pushed at him lightly in response, and the air seemed to charge between the two of them. Without much of a warning – or much thinking for that matter – he pulled her into an embrace.

She wasn't expecting it. Nick wasn't really expecting it, either, but his hands found her waist and she formed against him, filling a space that had remained painfully unoccupied for nearly four years.

"I have a lot to make up to you," Nick said into her ear, feeling the tension in her arms relax. "And I'm sorry, too. For everything… For getting upset last week… For what I said that night…"

He could feel Jess pull him closer and put her weight against him. In any other case, her silence would be terrifying. Somehow, though, her embrace made it feel like he was almost forgiven.

Jess inhaled.

"I never told you why I went to the law firm," she commented into his ear.

It was amazing what he could forget under Aly's spell, and it also didn't help that they were still locked tightly together, hearts racing.

"Why?"

She tucked her head into his neck, taking in a shaky breath.

"All of her legal paperwork will have your name on it soon. It just needs your signature. They just wanted to know about our arrangements for records. That's _all_."

Nick closed his eyes in a moment of intense relief; his hands were still forming to her back, and he came very, very close to leaning over and kissing her. On the cheek, on the mouth, it didn't matter, because it was Jess and this was the kind of thing that Nick and Jess did.

Nick had to remind himself that there was no _Nick and Jess_ anymore, and even then, his heart wasn't entirely convinced.

It took Aly's footsteps to break their connection, and as Nick was sucked into the world of a toddler, he shared one last meaningful look at the mother of his daughter.

_Damn_, he'd missed this.

* * *

"So, you're my dad."

Her words were blunt, but not harsh. They were said as she pulled a bright pink crayon from out of the box he'd given her, and his daughter was looking happily down at her paper as Nick felt the meaning settle in. It was so hard to read her sometimes - it was as if she'd either known all along, or just accepted it. Nick found it hard to believe anyone would willingly accept being related to the likes of him.

Jess fidgeted from the other side of the table, where she had been since Aly had dragged them away from the door and into her own little innocent world. It had been a nice break from reality, sure, but Nick did have a job that he had to get to in less than thirty minutes.

"I... uh..." How could he make this conversational? "...yeah, I am."

_Well that was profound_, Nick thought sarcastically. He'd already blown the moment he'd been waiting for since he met Aly, and now he couldn't even manage to form the words to fix it.

Aly nodded, continuing her coloring. "Are you still gonna marry Julia?"

Nick felt his eyes go wide.

"Aly!" Jess chided, equally thrown off. "Don't be rude. Of course he's still going to marry Julia, this doesn't change that."

Nick let out the air he was holding in his lungs. At least _one_ of them was sure of that. However, when he caught Jess's eye, she returned his gesture with a weak, but rather fulfilling on his end, smile.

_Well, maybe not._

He really had to stop thinking like that.

"But my friend Noah says his mommy and daddy live with him," Aly continued.

Jess opened her mouth to speak, but Nick was faster.

"There are all different kinds of families, Aly," he explained. "Your mom didn't live with both of her parents, either."

Jess looked over at him with a weak smile. Possibly a thank you?

Aly put down her crayon and tilted her head. "You didn't?"

"Grandma and Gramps don't live together, do they?" Jess asked with a laugh, more at ease.

Aly snickered. "They can't. They yell a _lot_."

Nick couldn't contain his own chuckle. He'd only been around Joan and Bob together for intermittent periods of time, but the memories he did have - particularly of one Thanksgiving - gave him pretty good insight onto how his three-year-old had been able to pick up on their inability to get along.

_Just until they realize they're still attracted to each other._

He grinned just a little more. Only Jess could get that kind of joy for realizing her parents were all over each other in the other room.

As if Jess was reading his mind, she elbowed him, causing Aly to laugh even harder.

"Ow!" He whined. "What was _that_ for?"

Jess glared playfully back at him. "You know _exactly_ what."

"There is _no way_ you knew what I was thinking!" He shot back, finding it harder and harder to hold back the wide smile that begged to spread across his face.

"Momma knows _everything_," Aly piped in, her blue eyes bright.

Jess put on one of the smuggest grins that Nick had ever seen cross her delicate features. "That's right. I know _everything_."

The light and happiness in Jess's eyes were so strikingly similar to what he had just seen in Aly, Nick felt a wave of butterflies let loose in his stomach. If thinking weird thoughts about Jess's parents and getting elbowed was all that it took to make these two happy - to replicate this feeling - then, by all means, he'd do it.

It was then that Nick glanced down at his phone.

"_Sh..._" Nick stopped his swearing when Jess glared at him, as Aly was sitting four feet away. "I mean _shoot_! I'm going to be late!"

He shot up out of his chair, nodding at Jess. He waved at Aly, but instead of settling for that, she pushed off her chair and ran up to him before he could take another step. He didn't have to second guess this time as he knelt down, her arms finding their way around his neck like they'd been doing this her entire life.

"I'll see you soon, okay?" Nick said as he hugged her closer. He could definitely take being a few minutes late for this.

"Okay, Nick," she replied, then took a deep breath, her arms not quite letting go. Softer, she asked "Does this mean I can't call you Nick anymore?"

He chuckled and let go, looking down at her one last time.

"Call me whatever you want, Aly."

Because, really, no matter what she called him, it didn't change the fact that he was, finally, a permanent part of her life.

* * *

**Couldn't have done this chapter without Newgirl78 - she basically convinced me that the last half needed to actually be written out, and not just mentioned in the next chapter (which ended up adding another entire chapter to this story - so credit goes to her for that!). **

**And, seriously guys, I think some of you need to get together and start an "I Hate Julia" club after the reviews on that last chapter :P Haha, it's great fun, but I must say, the reason she's in this story is because I just loved her so much on the show. And because she's the anti-Jess and I wanted so badly to get to write that. **

**Which, I did, but I digress. Thanks for sticking with this! **


	11. Chapter 10

**So there is a legitimate excuse as to why this took so long... Work this week kinda wore me down and all I've done this week after work is sleep and rewrite some later chapters. And listen to music.  
**

**Also, this story _may_ start updating just a little bit slower. Like, some weeks once and week and some weeks twice a week. Nothing too drastic. I would ideally like to bring this out to the end of this hiatus, which would end like two weeks early if I keep updating at a fast pace, but if you guys really want me to, I can try to keep going every other day. This chapter is the official halfway point, to give you guys a little point of reference, so get excited! **

* * *

Chapter 10  


Southern California summer was coming, and it was coming fast.

Nick wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead, wishing for the hundredth time that he had remembered sunglasses. Or a cap. Or some kind of dark magic to take away the sun. Yes, dark magic was sounding more appealing with every heat-pulsed minute. It was only early May, yet he could only imagine how miserable the city would become once the tourists started coming back in waves.

He watched Aly zoom around the playground from his spot on the bench, extremely aware of every potential splinter, rusty rail, or snotty nose that came within ten feet of her. He hoped one day he'd get used to it.

Not only that, but he'd been spraying sunscreen on her in routine, almost overbearing, intervals. Her skin wasn't quite as fair as Jess's, and maybe the heat was just part of the humidity; still, if she was anything like her mother, she would burn. Like hell he was going to return her to Jess sunburned and cranky.

_Just let her be a kid, _he reminded himself as he watched his daughter teeter on the edge of the sandbox.

Jess hadn't been feeling well all afternoon, so he had offered to take Aly to the park, alone, for once. They'd gone to the park plenty of times before, he reasoned, he could surely do it on his own by now.

He soon realized how blissfully unaware he had been. He honestly didn't know the kind of stress watching a toddler on a playground came with. Not to mention, there was creepy factor he used to associate with grown men hanging around a playground. He had a legitimate excuse to be there, for sure, but old feelings were hard to erase.

"Nick!" Aly called, and he walked over to the slide, watching her giggle her way down. "I wanna go swing next."

He couldn't help but smile back at her enthusiasm. He stuck out a hand, "Lead the way."

Her tiny hand grabbed his and he let her pull him all the way to the swings.

She'd known that he was her dad for a few weeks, and hadn't actually acknowledged him as such yet. He'd been concerned at first, wondering if her preference of his first name was because she didn't see him that way, but Jess promised him it would come in due time.

"So are you gonna push me?" Nick remarked, plopping down into the swing.

Aly smirked, another bubbly laugh escaping. "You _know_ I can't push _you_!"

"Well why not?" He teased.

"It's 'cause you're _heavy_," she wrinkled her nose. "And I'm little!"

He held up his hands in defeat. "Fair enough."

She giggled again as he rose, climbing onto the seat and wiggling around until she was set. One good push, and she was off.

And so she swung, Nick being ever-so careful on each push, making sure that she didn't go _too_ high or _too_ fast. Aly, however, wasn't having that. She kicked her legs as the swing fell, and it took a lot out of Nick not to try to slow it down, just a little. He held back, though, and settled into a rhythm.

Just as he began to relax, though, her shoe caught something on the ground. With a cry, Aly grabbed onto the chain of the swing and her little body jolted in its seat.

Her knees barely grazed the gravel as the swing came back to Nick, but Aly's grip on the chain faltered before he could catch her. As if in slow motion, the swing pulled away once more and Aly's legs skidded the ground.

The fall had been fast. The recovery, however, played in slow motion fragments for Nick. A cry on the fall; a little hand, still grasping the swing chain; a shaky leg, fighting to find solid ground; the getting up, which was cautious, but good.

Nick reached out a hand to her, his breath caught in his chest.

Then, there was the _look_.

Aly glanced down at her knee, taking in the red patch and a little stream of blood…

This time, his heart picked up at full speed.

He swore he'd had some strange parenting nightmares about this.

She looked straight at Nick. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. Her mouth was pulled down, her arms tensed tightly at her sides. Her little face turned a bright shade of red.

Luckily, he was there to scoop her up the second a cry escaped her lips.

"Shhh… Shhh…" he soothed, holding her tight and trying to keep his own panic in check. "It'll be okay… It'll be okay…"

She whimpered as he carried her, his heart breaking at every whimper.

Jess was going to _kill_ him for this.

He got to his car in record time, setting her gingerly down in the backseat and kissing her lightly on the head. He then began tearing up the trunk for anything that could help. Why had he never bothered putting a first-aid kit in there? He found an old shirt, but was weary of letting anything touch her knee that didn't have disinfectant on it.

"You doing alright?" He questioned, giving up his frantic search and closing the trunk.

She sniffed when he returned to the backseat. "It hurts, Nick."

His insides turned.

"I know, Aly," he soothed, putting an arm around her. "I'll go to the store and get some band-aids, okay?"

She nodded. Looking at her knee, Nick saw that the bleeding was (thankfully) minimal and most of it had already dried over. The dirt, however, looked to be a problem. In between the little scrapes, he could see dark brown trails following the pattern of her skin. It wasn't catastrophic by any means, but anything that made his Aly cry was enough to warrant some worry.

He gingerly traced the outline of her knee. "What do ya say we pick some ice cream up on the way home?"

Aly cracked a smile in agreement, the first sign of light in her eyes since her fall. Without any additional need for encouragement, Nick hopped in the driver's seat and headed off to the drugstore.

* * *

Aly sipped her chocolate milkshake from his shoulders as they made their way through the aisles. Nick had decided that, given the bandaging would probably hurt, there was an immediate need for the ice cream _first_.

Parental reasoning at its finest.

Not wanting to ask Aly to walk anymore than she had to, he'd pulled her onto his shoulders in the parking lot and she seemed quite content there, one hand holding her hand lightly at his forehead, and the other holding her milkshake. There was also a smile on her face, as her knees weren't really moving anymore.

"How ya doing up there?" He asked, the outline of her face just barely visible as he looked up.

"I'm _tall_!" She giggled, and Nick continued on into the store, clearly on a mission. He picked up a handbasket on his way past the registers, knowing that he needed a lot more than just one box of adhesives.

Once Nick was in front of the band-aids, though, he realized he had his work cut out for him. He'd always been a 'pick whatever variety pack' kind of guy, but that wasn't sufficient for Aly. What if this happened again?

He picked up another box.

_Liquid band-aids? _They made that kind of stuff? Was it better than a plain old band-aid? How was it possible for it to be liquid _and_ waterproof?

"Look, Nick! They have _yellow_ ones!" Aly pointed to a neon box from above. As his gaze followed the path of her arm, a drop of shake from her straw fell on his nose and she burst into laughter.

Frowning, he looked up, which only caused her to fall deeper into her giggle-fit.

Nick put a finger to the cold substance on his nose and reached up to smear a matching mark on Aly's nose. He ended up getting her cheek, but the gesture garnered its intended effect.

"_Niiiick!_" She whined, but still had a smile in her tone. His heart swelled as he threw in a box of the neon colored bandages, along with some of the liquid ones. Was it even possible to layer band-aids?

She continued to slurp happily while Nick added a few more bottles of Neosporin, disinfectants, and a full first aid kit to his basket. Or, rather, two first aid kits. _Obviously_, he needed one at home, too.

He would try his best to stop the fall next time, but he was going to be _ready_ if he couldn't.

As he made his way to the register, Nick had a sinking feeling that getting the supplies was the easy part. Now… now he actually had to clean up her scrapes without first hurting her, and then doing something wrong. He was Nick Miller, after all – the master of messing things up.

The cashier didn't bother to make small talk, but he did get some warm smiles from the women he passed, and a 'been-there-done-that' look from a graying man waiting in the express line.

"Enjoy it while it lasts," the man commented to Nick, then waved at Aly.

Nick laughed. "You have kids?"

"Two," the man smiled proudly. "The baby turns eighteen this year. Our oldest just got her master's degree."

"Wow," Nick whistled. He didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to watch Aly turn eighteen… to sit through her graduation… He shook his head. "She's got a little while."

The man only chuckled, stepping forward as the register opened. "I could swear that they were that old just yesterday. It goes by pretty quick."

Nick tried to control the feelings that set in. He gripped her ankle just a little tighter, his hand holding the foot that would one-day trade her light-up tennis shoes and princess stickers for high heels and a smartphone.

It was finally their turn for the cashier, and Aly rested the cup on the top of Nick's head as he paid.

"Hey, Aly," he commented, grabbing the bag. "You'll never grow up, right?"

"I gotta!" She defended. "I wanna be just like Momma. And _you_."

Nick swallowed hard. _No, no you don't._

He could think of fifty reasons why she wanted to be nothing like him. Maybe Jess, minus the moving-out-to-LA-by-herself stage. Oh, and living with three single guys chapter.

Aly was _never_ going to live with three single guys. Well, _any_ guys in general. Not while he had anything to do with it. He had the unique experience where he knew what every single one of them would be thinking. It was quite unnerving.

Living with Winston and Schmidt while he and Jess had been together had been frightening enough.

"Tell ya what," he bargained; "you can grow up, just promise me no boys until you're thirty."

"_Ew_, boys are _icky_."

He smirked, knowing that he had a promise for the time-being.

They reached the car, and as he pulled her off of his shoulders, Nick was worried to see that she had finished off her treat. He had been so sure that it would help while he patched up her knees… Well, it probably would've, had he not spent so much time on the disinfectants aisle.

Aly swung her legs over the backseat, then carefully bent them down, and Nick kneeled down onto the pavement in front of her.

He pulled out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. People still used that, right?

_For crying out loud_, he was a grown man. He should really know this stuff better than he did.

"This might sting a little bit," he cautioned, tipping the bottle over a cotton ball. He hated this as a kid. Aly's eyes hesitantly followed his gaze down to her knees, which where started the bruise slightly around the edges. Her hands gripped the seat in anticipation.

She winced as the cotton touched her leg, but didn't cry. She barely even whimpered when he started cleaning up the dirt. Most of it came off pretty cleanly, and he would've admired his handiwork a little longer if he knew that it didn't need to be taped down.

Now came the hard part.

"I don't think these bright ones will fit…" Nick commented, sad to find the box of neon band-aids only had smaller sizes. Those surely couldn't cover her knee. Aly frowned.

"Can we put it on top?" She whispered. Nick's heart swelled, and he couldn't help but agree.

"Of course!" He replied. Pulling out a patch of gauze, he chose not to waste anymore time looking for a band-aid big enough. He could rig a toilet to flush with rubber bands and Gatorade bottles; he could get a garbage disposal to work just using a stick… Taping up a knee should be no trouble at all.

Or so he thought.

The look on Jess's face when they arrived home said otherwise. She was wrapped in robe, clearly not feeling better, but seemed to have enough energy to tease Nick. _At least she's not mad about it, _he thought in relief.

"What was the look you were going for, knee pads?" She noted, referring to the medical tape that was bunching in the crook of her knee.

"Hey, it was sturdy before she started walking and smearing all the Neosporin!" He defended, watching Aly pull off her shoes. "And the band-aid on top was her idea."

Jess sniffed, then laughed. She took a sip from some honey-colored drink, her gulps loud enough for Nick to notice how much her throat was bothering her. She turned to him and smiled warmly. Her voice, though, was weaker.

"Thank you for today."

"You needed it," he replied softly.

Her eyes fell. "I'm fine. Go home, get some sleep. I'm sure she wore you out."

_Like she's been doing to you for the last four years?_

Just as Nick opened his mouth to reply, she started coughing. Jess turned her head to face away from him, and he watched her shoulders heave until she had to slide onto the couch. His eyes wide, he went to sit down next to her.

No way he was leaving Jess like that.

"Let me help tonight," he urged. Jess shook her head quickly, but Nick held up a hand. "Please, Jess. Please. At least for Aly. I'll leave as soon as I know you're okay."

"I don't want you sick," Jess replied.

He scoffed. "I actually got _my_ flu shot this year, Jessica."

"Well, _Nicholas_," she rolled her eyes, "I've been through childbirth. This is nothing."

"We'll see," he quipped, deciding not to tease her about the whole 'immune system of steel' comment she'd made a few weeks prior. Aly poked her head out of her room at the commotion, cracking a wide smile at Nick.

"Momma! Is Nick _really_ gonna stay tonight?"

Jess groaned, trying to cover up a smile and suppress another round of coughing. She looked at Nick. He found it hard to contain his smirk, because she _knew_ that he was right.

"I guess so, sweetheart... I guess so."

* * *

**Halfway there, guys! Newgirl78, as always, has been a huge help with these. It's not an easy task, having to put up with me, and she's done a fantastic job with doing that and still making sure these chapters come out the best.  
**

**Oh! And before I forget, I'm looking for a good cover image for this story. Like, not my little profile icon, because that's basically been my icon since this site started allowing them, haha. Any good ideas or any art-sy people up to the challenge? I'd (obviously) credit you for it! **

**I hope you all had a great weekend! Thanks for all of the helpful commentary and feedback - I can't wait to share the rest of this story with you guys. **


	12. Chapter 11

**Oh my goodness guys, I am SO sorry for how long this took to update. The week really wore me out, then the weekend went from lazy Friday night to a huge weekend ordeal in a matter of minutes and... yeah, I won't bore you with the details. I'm basically going to finish typing the A/N (from my phone, no less) and head out again. **

**HUGE thank you to mariannabr for the lovely cover image - I was way too excited to update this because of that. **

**Anyway, here's Chapter 11! **

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Chapter 11

Hours later, Nick found himself elbow-deep in bath water and with a nervous tick, like he was interviewing for his first job or something. Jess's form was curled up on the couch, her eyes always on the door when he ventured out to ask a question.

Nick knew Jess would be difficult about letting go of her nightly duties, but there was a large part of him that was thankful for her presence. The cold and flu pills he'd given her earlier hadn't quite kicked in yet, so he planned on using his resource in Jess as long as she was somewhat coherent.

"This soap, right?" He questioned, walking out of the bathroom again, bubbles trailing down his arms, and Jess looked at him blankly from the blanket she'd formed around herself.

"Did you _read_ what it said?"

He glanced down. No-tears body wash.

"…so yes?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're washing her _hair_, Nick."

_Oh… duh._ It was _body_ wash. He knew that.

Sighing in defeat, he retreated to the bathroom where a wiggly toddler splashed around with her bath crayons. Jess had explained that they really wouldn't leave marks on the bathtub – that they were actually just soap – but Nick eyed the blue dye on her hands skeptically. It definitely looked like something that would not come out of clothes.

"Aly, where is your shampoo?" He asked.

"Over here!" She giggled, putting her crayon down and handing him a bright green bottle. He popped off the top, squirting a blob into his hand, and was completely overwhelmed by the smell of watermelons.

"This stuff is _strong_," he commented, rubbing the soap into her hair.

"It smells good," Aly smiled, putting her hand to her head and then bringing it back to her nose, sputtering when a few bubbles went up with the air. To keep from laughing too hard, he combed through her hair a few more times before he was satisfied that it was clean. He was just about to pick up a cup to rinse it out when Aly stopped him.

"Let me do it," she insisted, taking the cup from Nick. Amused, he watched as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to aim the cup just over her head. She was off by a few inches, though, so Nick found her hands and guided them to where they needed to be.

Her wrists flicked and sent a waterfall down her face.

Nick wanted to freeze time. He wanted to take a picture; he wanted to remember what this felt like every night that he didn't get to do this with her.

Sadly, the moment ended much too fast, and Aly was too young to sit still long enough for him to ask her to wait. So, he grabbed a big towel from the rack and pulled her soaking wet body out of the tub, careful not to bump her (now re-bandaged and waterproofed) knees on anything.

She pulled the edges of the towel around herself, the excess dragging on the ground behind her. Beads of water dripped off of the stringy ends of her dark hair.

"Look Momma!" She bounded into the living room. "I have your towel! I'm all grown up!"

He could hear Jess's groan from his spot in the bathroom.

"Nick, her towel is the _small_ one."

He got up and poked his head out of the doorway, smiling sheepishly.

"She's pretty cute in it, though."

Jess fought the urge to return his smile, watching Aly from a safe distance away. The towel dragged behind her as she skipped around her bedroom, her voice humming some children's song to her teddy bear.

"Well, one thing's for sure: she's got your dance moves," she murmured. For the first time in years, Nick felt his cheeks flush. Was it pride? It wasn't something he was normally proud of. The two of them had such a strange way of getting to him.

"I beg to differ," he chuckled, the memories of those last few weekday mornings with Jess flooding back into his head. What had she said to her those days? It was that line she liked so much, the only one he remembered after she'd (somewhat) forced him to watch _Dirty Dancing_. _Nobody puts Baby in the corner? _Was that it? He really didn't know what had prompted him to first say it, really, but the reminder of her overly-dramatic hair flips just made him want to say it even _more_.

He realized entirely too late that he was staring right into Jess's soft gaze.

To make matters worse, she was _staring straight back_. She had a lazy smile at her lips, the kind of smile that Nick had woken up to so many times in the past, and also the very smile that made his heart leap and his stomach turn.

Apparently, four years hadn't changed that, either.

_It's just the cough medicine_, he reminded, and his knee-jerk reaction to that was to look away. It was a fight-or-flight instinct that he instantly wished that he could take back, as Jess picked herself up and coughed as soon as the moment was lost.

"Aly, go pick out some pajamas so you don't catch a cold and get sick like Momma," Jess spoke, her voice coming a little weaker this time.

Aly nodded dutifully from her doorway, and Nick followed her into her room. She picked out a purple set, one of the many things Nick's mom had sent her over the past month. He had been stocking all of the new stuff away for when Aly finally knew that he was her father… And the memory of telling her about his mother was one that he could go to work and ramble on and on about for hours to anyone that would listen.

"_But I already have a grandma," Aly protested as Nick handed her the present. He'd waited an entire week to give it to her, hoping the adjustment wasn't moving too fast. His innocent 'this is from your other grandma' comment, though, was clearly bothering her. _

"_You've got two, Aly," Jess explained. "My mom and Nick's mom." _

_Aly thought about this. "So they're both grandma?" _

"_Yeah," Nick nodded, but Jess shook her head. _

"_You can call them whatever you want, Aly," she turned to Nick. "Nick called his grandma Nana." _

_Startled that Jess remembered that detail, he looked at her. "Yeah, I did. Her name was Allison, too." _

"_Really?" Aly's eyes lit up. Jess nodded. _

"_That's who you're named after." _

_The expression on his daughter's face was enough to make even the hardest hearts melt. Nick was fairly optimistic. _

"_So, Nana it is?" _

_Aly nodded excitedly, pulling open the box. "I like that."_

Nick was snapped out of his reminiscing when he realized that he'd let Aly slip on the top backwards. He expected this, though. He had never been an expert at dressing himself, let alone someone else.

While he readjusted it, Aly let out a large yawn. Her hair still wasn't brushed, so Nick let her climb into bed while he went to go get her comb. He'd at least remembered to have her brush her teeth _before_ her bath – per Jess's suggestion – and so his first attempt at bedtime was mildly successful.

She didn't need a lullaby when he returned, and her eyelids drooped slowly downward at every stroke of the brush. Nick smiled at his handiwork, bending down to kiss her forehead.

"'Night, Nick," she mumbled, drifting off to sleep.

As his lips touched her forehead, he smiled. "Goodnight, sweetie," he whispered, the words falling oh-so naturally off of his tongue.

He tiptoed out of her room once he was sure that she was asleep, and found Jess snoring softly from her spot on the couch. Her hand hung limply off of one side, her head propped up on the arm, and her mouth was slightly ajar.

Nick had to resist the urge to take a picture and use it for some kind of blackmail, because that's exactly what he would have done four years ago.

_Mature_, he chided himself while he went to pick up Jess. She groaned as his arm slid beneath her back.

"I'm _fine_," she muttered, still half-asleep. "I'll go to bed _later_."

"Yeah, sure, you're _completely_ fine," he retorted, loosening his grip only slightly on her back. Surprised at his movement, she jerked and fell slightly backwards, her arms grasping at air before they found his neck. He pulled her back, full in control of her perceived fall.

He would've smirked, but instead, his breath hitched at how close their noses were to touching.

"Not _fair_." She groaned, unfazed by their proximity. "I'm _sick_."

His arm tightened around her again, while his other arm slid below her knees. She didn't protest this time.

He picked her up then, giving her his best _I told you so _smirk. Her body relaxed into his, her body fitting to his in all the places he remembered.

If she wasn't so sick, Nick knew he'd be approaching dangerous territory. She'd shed her robe a few hours ago, and even the thick flannel of her pajamas left little to his imagination. She was still Jess... She was still the girl he never quite got over.

"I _am_ pretty drugged up," she admitted, her voice still raw. He chuckled and pushed open the door to her bedroom, setting her down onto her comforter. She tried to pull the blankets back, but Nick stopped her.

"Let me," he insisted, walking over to the other side to pull the sheets up.

It was in this movement that he noticed her shiver, void of the blanket that she had curled into on the couch. Gently, he placed a hand on her forehead, amazed at the heat that greeted his hand.

"You're burning up," he gawked. Jess shrugged.

"What'd you expect? It's a _cold_… and it came in _May_," she shook her head, her voice cracking again. "It'll pass, I promise."

Just as she said this, she shivered once more. He could always… Nick sighed, debating if what he wanted to do was only to help Jess or was for his own selfish reasons. He settled on the former, although he was pretty sure the latter had a little bit to do with it, too.

He should probably feel a lot worse about that than he did.

Slowly, he slid into the spot beside her, pulling her body close to his once more. Jess's eyes went wide in the dim light, and she put up a pretty pathetic resistance.

"It's okay," he reassured. "You're cold. I'm warm."

"Careful, Miller," she protested again, weakly. "This is probably contagious, and flu-shot or not, you shouldn't be this close."

His eyes were serious. "I'll take my chances."

Her resolve wasn't much, though, once she felt Nick's body heat through her pajama top. She let a sigh of content escape her lips before giving up and settling into his chest. She was _warm_, for sure. His hand traced soothing circles on her back.

"_I need a saving grace, a hiding place_…" he began, his voice not quite in tune. Jess sharply took in a breath. She pushed against his chest. "_I don't have forever or time to waste…_"

"You listened to the CD?"

"Of course," he replied easily. "Though, I never really pegged you as country listener."

"You do weird things when you're pregnant," Jess mumbled. Nick fought the urge to remark that _Nick and Jess_ did weird things anyway. "And it's only one. I thought you'd stop at the Taylor Swift stuff."

He chuckled. "Believe it or not, there's a lot of happy memories with those songs."

Jess accepted this, settling further into his embrace. He could feel her muscles giving into the medicine, giving her some much-needed rest. Thank God he had done _something_ right in that regard.

He hummed a few more lines along.

"She likes having you around, you know," Jess said after a while.

"Jessica, sleep," he coaxed. As much as he loved talking about Aly, this was _not_ the time. "You're not going to remember _any_ of this in the morning."

"Trying to," she shook her head, the syllables coming slower, "but I'm serious. I'm glad she has you now."

Nick smiled despite himself. "You've done a pretty great job, yourself."

"Thanks," Jess replied quietly. "It… It means a lot to hear that."

Nick closed his eyes and settled back, holding her tighter. Her body was so warm… he was surely sweating from contact… And probably in more ways than one. His heart picked up at the very thought.

"Why do you say that?"

Jess took in a deep, shaky breath, and he could tell that she was fighting to stay awake. An end was quickly coming to their conversation.

"Because… I've always felt like…" Her eyelashes skimmed his shirt as she drifted off, her voice growing quieter. "…felt like I have no idea… no idea what I'm doing…"

Her words took the air out of his lungs. Jess _always_ knew what she was doing with Aly. Was there any way she had felt just as lost as he felt sometimes? Before he could reply, she took another sleepy breath.

"For... for the record," she whispered as she curled up closer to him, causing his heart to beat even faster before he could even stop her, "I really... _really_ did love you."

He tried, he _really_ tried, not to jump at her admittance. She _loved_ him?

_Past tense, Nick, it's in the past..._

This time, he actually attempted to settle the way his heart picked up, a pitiful goal to stop thinking too deeply into her words. He further pushed back the longing that he'd bottled up since she'd shown back up, knowing that there was still a part of their relationship that wouldn't - well, _couldn't_ - ever be realized, no matter how much he wanted to pull her close and never let her go. He was with Julia, and Jess knew that. Surely this was just an anomaly, something that she'd never admit outside of this context, due to her sickness.

_It's the cough medicine, it's the cough medicine... She won't remember a thing. _

Nick let Jess settling further into the sheets (and, consequently, _him_) in her sleep, trying to fight the many feelings that were bubbling to the surface. He knew better than to accept them… He knew better than to stay… Especially after _that_. But there he sat, more content than he should be with a woman that was not Julia.

He compromised that he'd only stay until her fever broke. No earlier, no later. He was doing her a _favor_, after all. How long had it been since someone had even taken care of her like this? She seemed content enough to have the help.

There wasn't much of a need to bother her before she really got some sleep, anyway.

Yes. He'd just stay until he was sure she'd be okay. Aly needed someone there while Jess was knocked out on cold medicine.

Involuntarily, he traced more paths on her back. With his free hand, he pushed a few strands of hair stuck to her cheek. She was back to lightly snoring again, a pretty good sign that she was contently asleep, but Nick could still feel the heat radiating off of her body.

Nope, not time to go yet.

So with Jess in his arms, and Aly sleeping soundly in the other room, Nick felt busy the day catch up with him, and eventually succumbed to the weight of his own eyelids. Just for a few minutes… He'd check in a bit if Jess's fever had broken… Only after a little nap.

_Just for a few minutes._

* * *

**So... does Nick actually only stay for a few minutes? Hmmm...**

**As always, Newgirl78 is to thank for all the beta work! Gonna try to catch up tomorrow on some of the story updates that I see happened in my absence. As always, hope you guys enjoyed this one! **


	13. Chapter 12

**You know those days where you feel like NOTHING can go wrong? I don't have them that often, but oh my, they're awesome. I'm in a fantastic mood. So, today's update is brought to you for that very reason!  
**

* * *

Chapter 12

_Well the night rolls on like a long lost friend  
'Til the sunrise bleeds like the bitter end  
Don't let me be lonely…_

Nick woke with a start. He was sure he'd been dreaming about the night before, sure he was jolted awake by Julia's alarm clock. Why she always wanted to get up this early on weekends, he'd never know.

"Can ya turn that _damn_ thing - "

_Oh._

As he came to his senses, his nose was greeted with the sting of throat lozenges and the slightly sweet, indisputable smell of…

_Jess_.

Her form slept peacefully next to him, and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he realized that he had not actually been dreaming, and he had _really_ attempted to nurse Jess back to health. The memories came back out of the fog.

Her stare. Her confession.

His _feelings_.

He shook the thoughts out of his head, peering over at Jess's curled up form. Sometime in the night, she had turned away from him, and kicked off every single blanket in the process. This didn't really surprise Nick; she'd always done that with him when they were together, sick or otherwise. Not to mention, it had to mean she wasn't cold anymore. That meant her fever wasn't as bad…

Right?

It was then he registered that he, too, had shifted in his sleep. His body had slid down, but his head had remained oddly propped up against another pillow. The ridiculous crick in his neck would remind him of this all day. He turned his head a few times, giving himself a good stretch, before doing a quick scan of the bed. Jess's back was now to him, her shoulders rising and falling with slow, steady breaths.

Nick brushed her cheek with his fingers, relief flooding him when they were not hot to the touch. She may still have a fever, he was never really good at telling those kind of things, but it wasn't nearly as evident. He sat up, content that he'd done a halfway decent job at keeping Jess alive.

Snapping him out of his self-praising, he heard his phone buzz from somewhere on the floor, and fumbled around in the dark until he found it's ominous light.

His heart sank as the time flashed across the screen.

6:27 AM.

_Shit._

It couldn't be that early. There was no way he'd slept for eight hours.

Not only that, but he had also four missed calls, three voicemails, and quite a few texts from none other than Julia. His Julia. His fiancée. The woman that he _should have _woken up to this morning.

He flew out of bed, still careful not to wake Jess. It took a minute for the whole situation to sink in.

"Nothing happened!" He whispered frantically, to no one in particular. Jess sighed again in her sleep, and Nick took his cue to tiptoe quickly out of her room. He did the math in his head. Julia got up at 7:15 on the weekends, given him a little over 45 minutes to get back. She'd still be pissed, but it wasn't like he was walking in the door after she woke up. It would take him twenty minutes, tops, to get home, and maybe five more to dress into more appropriate attire for sleeping…

That gave him another twenty-or-so-minute window to make sure Jess and Aly were set for the day.

He found Jess's phone on the couch, and set her alarm for 6:45. Then he headed into the kitchen, digging in the cabinets before finding the little green box that he used to get out for her every morning in the loft.

"…Nick?"

In any other situation, he wouldn't have winced. He would never be unhappy to see Aly. But when that very three-year-old comes peeking in the kitchen the moment he was planning his grand escape… Well, it happens.

Her hair was tousled, still in her little purple nightgown, and in one hand she grasped tightly onto her favorite stuffed animal, Elvis the bear.

"What, sleepy-head?" He asked, amazed at how steady his voice was.

"What are you doing here?"

_Good question, _he thought. Aloud, though, he had a smoother answer. "I'm making your mom tea. She's still asleep, so we gotta be _quiet_."

With this, he put his finger to his lips. She suppressed a small giggle before doing the same with her own finger.

"Ooooh," she whispered. "So this is kinda like a _secret_?"

He smiled. "Yeah, a secret. So, go back to bed and Momma will be up in a little bit, feeling a lot better."

"You're not stayin'?" There was the turtle face. His willpower was strikingly weak in her capable hands.

How in the world was he going to deal with her as a teenager?

"I'll be back tomorrow, sweetheart," he assured, ushering her back to her room. She settled back into the pillows, but watched him intently as he left the room.

He picked up the box of tea once he was back in the kitchen, eying skeptically the pot of now-boiling water. He used to be a _pro_ at this – could four years really make him forget how to do one of his favorite things about the morning?

His distractions were costing precious time. He sighed, trudging along through what he could remember.

It took two tries, and ten more minutes of boiling water, to get the tea right. When he finally did, he only had a few minutes to spare. Sneaking back into Jess's room, he set her phone (soon to go off) and the steaming cup of tea on her nightstand. He hoped she wouldn't be mad about the early wake-up call.

As much as he wanted to see Aly again before he left – if only just to give her a proper goodbye – he knew better. He left the dark apartment with his keys in hand, and stepped outside, trying not to think about what he was about to go home to.

* * *

"You didn't even think about _calling_ me, Nick? I was _worried sick_."

Nick put his head in his hands, starting to believe that there was no apology was good enough. He'd be ambushed the second he walked in the door, not even given time to change out of the clothes he wore to the park, and was pretty sure this round wouldn't end anytime soon.

"For the hundredth time Julia – _I'm sorry_."

"I just don't know if I believe it this time," she huffed. He couldn't think of anything to say to that. Did _he_ even believe it?

Sure, he was sorry. He just wasn't sure if it was for the right reasons. Not that he was going to say that.

He was smart enough to know _that_ was a bad idea.

"Look," he replied, running his hand through his hair, "I was only thinking that Aly needed a parent there, that's all. I really am sorry I didn't call."

They sat at the table in silence for a bit longer. He felt the heaviness in his eyes, starting somewhere distantly behind Julia. Nick was tired, no doubt about it.

"We were doing so good…" she trailed, wistfully. "We set a date… You were talking to me… I just don't know how to keep you here anymore, Nick."

"I have a – "

"Daughter, I know," she cut him off, holding up her hand. "But that doesn't mean you can't let that be part of _our_ life – not just _your_ life."

"I'm _trying_," he defended. "I'm learning one thing at a time! I barely know how to keep her by myself. Do you know how freakin' stressful it is to be alone with a toddler?"

"I can't say I do," she shot back, a clear stab at her knowledge of Aly. "I've been kept in the dark this whole time! I know nothing about your own daughter, Nick!"

"You never asked," he retorted, rolling his eyes.

"Do I _need_ to?" She snapped. "Because you come home almost every night, tired and worn, then ask me about my day and go to bed."

"At least I ask about your day."

"Do you even listen to it?"

This caught Nick off guard. A knee-jerk response would, obviously, be _"of course I do…" _but was it the truth?

_Damned if I do, damned if I don't._

He was beginning to realize that there was absolutely no way to have both Julia and Jess happy with him at the same time.

"I do listen," he replied, finally… unconvincingly.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Did you ask Jess about Aly being the flower girl? I asked you again two days ago."

He closed his eyes. He'd listened to everything _but_ that. Okay, so the entire conversation eluded him.

Apparently he _didn't_ listen very well.

His silence didn't help matters much. Julia rolled her eyes and stomped off into the other room, throwing an envelope at Nick on her way to their bedroom. Her aim was spot-on – he caught it as it smacked against his chest, forcing some of the air out of his lungs upon impact.

"This came for you yesterday."

He looked curiously at it, his eyes drawn to the familiar Chicago return address. His mother's script spelled out his name and address in the center. _Strange_… She'd sent plenty of packages for Aly… Just never a letter. Surely she knew Aly couldn't read. He was then even more curious to know what she could've sent for her in an envelope.

Nick ripped at the top, his fingers skimming a few strips of thick paper. He pulled the pieces out once he'd managed to mangle the envelope open.

His gasp was enough to get Julia's attention.

In his hands were three travel vouchers – two adults, one child – for the last weekend in May… Memorial Day weekend. The vouchers gave them some choices for flights out Friday afternoon, and arrived in Chicago soon after. The return date appeared to be sometime on Monday.

"Nice…" he breathed. His mother hadn't been kidding when she said she wanted to see Aly.

He felt bad that he hadn't come up with the idea first.

"What's that?" Julia insisted, poking her head out of the bedroom.

"Plane tickets," Nick replied, hesitantly. It occurred to him that there were only three tickets – presumably one each for him and Aly, and one for Jess or Julia, but not both.

_Just_ what he needed right now.

"Oh," Julia replied shortly. "For what?"

"Ma wants me to bring Aly to Chicago for Memorial Day," he carefully stated. If he asked Julia to come with him… Did he have the ability to take care of Aly that far away from Jess? They had half of a country and two airports to navigate before he'd reach the knowledge bank that was his mother…

Almost like she was reading his mind, Julia continued her questioning. "Can you handle Aly by yourself like that?"

"I… I don't know," he shook his head. Then, his heart racing, he knew that he had to tell her. "She sent another ticket."

This time, Julia only nodded. The silence was almost deafening in his ears, implications stirring madly between them.

"You don't have to take me, you know."

Her confession was another blow to his conscious. She was right to be mad at him after last night. She was right to be angry for not calling. Hell, she was _right_ to worry about whatever was going on with Jess.

And yet, here she stood, indirectly giving him permission to take Jess along.

"I couldn't do that to you," he conceded, his eyes falling to the floor. He saw the hurt flash in her eyes – he had just admitted that he had given consideration to taking Jess along. Always the good lawyer, she straightened up almost immediately after.

"I'm not going to tell you to take a three-year-old on her first cross-country flight without her mother," she countered. "I'm a lawyer, I know all-too-well what can go wrong with _that_," her voice then got quiet, "and as a human… I know she needs Jess."

Nick sighed. "I can probably still get you a seat on the same flight if we go look now. This is in like two weeks."

"No," she contested, biting her lip. "Your mom hates me, and there's already going to be enough women cooing over Aly…"

"My mom doesn't _hate_ you, Julia, she - "

"Nick," she replied flatly. "She hates me."

Nick knew full well that this wasn't entirely true. Yes, she thought Julia was boring and too serious… But most functioning adults were. No, the truth was that she was still remembering someone else– holding out for something that Nick was currently resisting for Julia's sake.

He wished he could tell her that. He wished the words would come to him, but it was just so much easier to let her believe that his mother hated her. It was almost more comforting than the truth.

His mother wouldn't like anyone that wasn't Jess.

Sure, she'd said that she was still angry over her taking Aly away. Her voice still had a slight edge when he talked to her on the phone about Jess's decision making. There was no denying she was upset.

But she had sent three plane tickets. Not four… _three_. She had done so without telling him, so he wouldn't know, _so he couldn't plan_.

It was a test, and he had a sinking feeling that his mother was going to get exactly what she wanted out of it.

As the gears turned in his head, Julia stood in front of him, still waiting for a reply.

"Just believe me when I tell you that she doesn't hate you," he pleaded.

She shrugged. "Fine. She doesn't hate me."

Her tone was hard to decipher. Was it defeat, or disappointment? Tired or Confused? Was it a mix of it all?

In the quiet, Nick heard his phone go off from the spot on the couch that he'd thrown it to when he walked in the door. It had to have been at least an hour since he left Jess's apartment. He briefly thought about calling her about the ticket, and then thought better of it with Julia standing right there.

"I really am sorry," he attempted, putting his arm on her shoulder. She shook her head sadly and retreated back into their room. She turned around at the last second, locking eyes with him.

"Can we at least agree to try a little harder?"

Nick nodded quickly, exhaling in relief. "Promise."

Julia smiled tightly and went back to their closet, presumably to change. She had recently started going to the gym weekend mornings while Nick preferred to sleep in.

Once she was out of sight, Nick went to pick up his phone from the couch, clicking through to his messages.

Two from Jess.

6:49 AM

_If there wasn't a cup of tea next to my bed, I would've killed you for waking us up this early. _

Then, sent a few minutes later… one that made him forget the conversation he just had with Julia.

6:51 AM

_And thank you. For everything. It meant the world to us… to me. _

The smile was hard to contain. It was even harder to wait until Julia left to call Jess about the plane tickets, and then send a call his Ma's way, as well. Even though she'd opened a whole new can of worms with him and Julia, he just couldn't help but be excited at bringing Aly to Chicago.

It would be like when he was a kid… Like a real family vacation. No doubt, they were a strange, dysfunctional, non-traditional kind of family… but they were a _family_ nonetheless.

* * *

**Newgirl78 was particularly helpful in this chapter, and the next few to come, so get excited for some Nick-Jess-Aly traveling! **

**As always, I am so amazed at the feedback from those of you that have continued reading. This week was hard on me, but I promise I'll catch up on review replies soon! I do read each and every one of them, even the ones I can't reply to. Can't wait to see what all of you have come up with for the Cabin fic day on Sunday! **


	14. Chapter 13

**I swear I'm alive! Haha, it's just been a busy few days. I'm also trying to finish my cabin story (even though it'll be ridiculously late... Oh well, it turned into more of a project than a one-shot...) I was bad about review replies this time around, too... Definitely going to try and get better with that. **

* * *

Chapter 13

Nick thought the next two weeks would drag on in his anticipation. However, the Friday that they were to leave came faster than he expected, and ended up catching him completely off guard.

"Are ya done yet?" Nick called from the door to Jess's apartment, anxiously checking the time on his watch.

It had apparently snuck up on Jess, too.

Jess popped her head out of her bedroom door. "I – uh, yeah, I think so. Just one more suitcase check."

"Suitcase… check?" He asked, skeptic. Aly came out of her room then, dragging a toddler-size suitcase behind her.

"It's so we don't forget our stuff," Aly explained. From somewhere in the other room, Nick heard Jess muttering off a list, presumably for the luggage. It sounded more like a survival kit than a suitcase for the weekend, but Nick didn't question it. This was one of those things that he would pass off as something that _Jess just knew_.

Finally, she trudged out of her room, Jess-approved bag in tow.

As Nick's luck would have it, though, they caught _every_ red light on the way to the airport, and were borderline close to missing the flight altogether by the time they arrived at the security check.

Luckily, the airlines seemed to be much more understanding when they noticed a three-year-old in tow, and the three were able to get through security in time to make the first boarding call.

"I like this whole 'kids go first' thing," Nick mused as they boarded the still-empty plane. He pushed a duffel bag into the overhead bin, still feeling almost breathless from the scramble that it took to get there. Maybe Julia was onto something about going to the gym...

Jess rolled her eyes. "You like it until they start throwing tantrums at thirty thousand feet."

Nick felt his throat constrict a little. His go-to solution from past experience – putting in earplugs and promptly going to sleep – probably wouldn't fly this time around. Aly wasn't in a bad mood, so at least he had that going for him.

Aly wiggled into her seat, right between him and Jess, her inquisitive eyes following each passenger as they started filling the aisles.

"Are we gonna go _really_ high?" She asked, almost apprehensively, her gaze flickering to the window.

Nick let his eyes grow wide. This would be a terrible time to find out his daughter was afraid of heights.

Jess was in to save the day, though. "It doesn't _feel_ really high," she assured, "It'll be just like the birds."

Aly let a small cry escape, and Nick put his arm around her as the flight attendant began her safety speech. In that moment, his arm just barely brushed Jess's.

At first, he felt like she was about to sink into his touch. He felt the little tingle that her skin left on him, wishing that it could stay there just a little longer. He could almost feel the pull.

Almost.

Too soon, though, she ever so slightly leaned away. Surely that meant she at least _noticed_ something between them. Nick glanced her way, not quite understanding why he so desperately wanted that to be the case.

However, her sights were still set straight ahead, like nothing had even happened.

He sighed, settling back into his seat. He tried not to be too disappointed, as his daughter was happily leaning against him. The flight attendants were starting to go over emergency procedures, and Nick started to tune back in, figuring that he actually had to listen to those now. He wasn't just responsible for himself anymore.

He had someone else that depended on him.

Maybe not a lot. Not yet.

But _one day_. One day she would.

* * *

Despite the initial apprehension, Aly's first flight went smoothly. As planned, she'd started in the seat between Jess and Nick – holding tightly to one of each of their hands as the plane took off – but ended up moving to Jess's lap once she realized that she could look out the window easier that way.

The first look had only been a peek – just to see what all the fuss was about – but once she saw out into the wide expanse of sky, she was sold.

"Look Nick! We're in a _cloud_!" She marveled, grabbing his sleeve with one hand and putting the other up to the window.

"Yeah, we are," he agreed, his eyes focused more of Aly and her childish wonder than on what was going on outside. Jess caught his eye and gave him a small, hopeful smile.

The moment caused a few goosebumps to travel up his arm.

Aly eventually settled back into her seat and started on Jess's pre-packed bag of travel activities. By the time they landed in Chicago, it was way past her bedtime, and she had grown quiet. She could barely muster up enough energy to lift her head to see out the window as the plane descended on the runway. She did, however, manage to crack a sleepy smile as the plane touched the ground.

Once they were given the all-clear from the flight attendants, Nick and Jess quietly got to work. She carefully picked Aly up, letting Nick pull their carry-ons down and lead them into the terminal. As they walked, Aly wasn't quite asleep, but her eyelids dropped menacingly every time Jess stood still for more than a few seconds. Nick kept on a few steps ahead, scoping out the crowds as they approached the luggage carousal.

His mother was waiting on the other side of the bag return, doing her best to peer past the people.

"Ma!" He called, waving her down. She spun around, her eyes briefly meeting Nick's before flitting over to Jess… To Aly.

She stopped in her tracks as they walked towards her, her eyes only for the now-sleeping form Jess was holding. Once they stopped, Jess readjusted her arms and turned so Bonnie Miller could get a better view of her granddaughter.

She approached quietly, as if the noise of all of the other travelers already wasn't enough to wake Aly up.

"Wow…" she muttered. Wordlessly, she reached out and ran a finger down Aly's cheek. Aly stirred, and Nick's mother immediately drew her hand back. Aly blinked a few times, looking groggily up at Jess before turning to Nick. She stared at him for a moment, then finally saw Nick's mom.

Nick didn't know why, but his heart was racing at the two locked eyes. Here it was, ten o'clock at night in the middle of the baggage claim of Chicago O'Haire, and two of the closest people to his heart were meeting for the first time.

"Aly, it's rude to stare," Jess chided, but Bonnie shook her head.

"Just doing the same thing I am," she chuckled. Aly still appeared too tired to speak, so Nick took his cue.

"Aly, this is my mom. Remember, she's your grand - "

"_Nana_," Aly corrected. Bonnie's head turned slightly, and she glanced at Nick, waiting for an explanation. He picked up the bags and began to lead the group out.

"She wants to call you Nana," he replied. Aly nodded.

"_Oh_," she smiled warmly, turning to her granddaughter as they made their way out. "Call me whatever you want, dear."

Aly smiled shyly back, and Jess let a small yawn escape.

"Thank you for the tickets, Mrs. Miller, I – "

"_Bonnie_," she corrected, a playfully stern look on her face. "I've known you for five years, Jess, please, call me Bonnie."

Nick snuck a glance as Jess, and they exchanged sideways smiles.

"I've set up an extra cot in Nick's old room," his mother began as they got in the car, "and I replaced the sheets, too, so Jess could take the bed. Nick, you'll be on the couch, since Jamie is home for the weekend."

"Ma!" Nick protested, while Jess tried to suppress a giggle. "I'm here from Los Angeles. Jamie is from across _town_. He's just too lazy to drive over in the morning!"

She shrugged. "It's still his room."

"Fine," Nick grumbled, rolling his eyes. No matter how old Jamie got, he was still the baby. Nick looked at Aly, then back at Jess. "It sucks being the oldest sometimes."

* * *

They packed up the picnic baskets and left bright and early the next morning, with swimsuits and towels in tow; their destination promising some form of Miller Family Memorial Day. They had wound their way through the suburbs, until they arrived at his oldest cousin's house – one of his favorite day-trip spots as a kid.

It wasn't anything fancy, and the older he got, the more he seemed to dread family weekends. Still, he'd always kept a little soft spot for this place.

It took coming back to see that he'd forgotten how much he really had missed it.

They had a pool, though it was only about four feet at it's deepest, and the backyard faced a pretty man-made pond, but you couldn't swim in that (not that he'd let Aly get within ten feet of it, anyway).

He sat perched back on his lawn chair, watching Aly and her cousins (plus the oversized kid in Bobby) run through the sprinklers. Jess sat closer to action on a towel, volunteering to take the first shift watching the kids. She had taken the Millers in stride, just like she had the last Christmas she spent with him, and his family was equally as happy to have Aly around. Aly had been a bit of an attraction for the first few minutes after they arrived, although her interest in socializing waned considerably once the swimsuits were broken out.

Most of his other family was still gathered around the grill, always arguing over how to cook a perfect burger.

"What are you going to do, Nick?" A voice floated to his ear, and his mother's form plopped down into the chair next to him.

"What do ya mean, Ma?" He leaned back, taking a sip of his beer.

"I mean," she sighed, "what are you going to do when Aly's too old to need Jess to come along?"

She was entirely too smug about that.

Nick shook his head. "It'll be a _long_ time before that happens."

"It's not as long as you think."

She pursed her lips, and Nick tried to ignore the implications in her voice. He hated it when she tried to get him to think.

"We'll cross that road when we get to it," he shrugged. He knew all-too-well where this conversation was heading.

Bonnie wasn't having his diversions. "I'm talking about _you_. What are _you_ going to do?"

He caught himself involuntarily smiling at Jess's form as she slid in the pool, trying to coax a very anxious Aly into the water. Aly dipped her toes nervously, like the pool was just waiting to swallow her all up. He'd learned on the plane ride that Aly loved to play in the water… Just not in the pool.

His mother's gaze, that smug little _I told you so _look that he had inherited, was getting on his nerves.

"We can be adults about things when it comes to Aly, Ma," he warned.

"I know," she quipped. His brow furrowed, and she continued, "I talked to her last night. She thinks you're doing a great job."

He nearly knocked his drink out of the cup holder at her comment.

"You _talked_ to her?" He groaned. "We haven't even been here 24 hours!"

"Calm down," she rolled her eyes. "I didn't hound her or anything. I just wanted to catch up!"

Jess had finally gotten Aly to sit on the step of the pool, and Aly cutely adjusted the two floaties on her arm, still gazing at the water like it was about to jump up at her. He hated that she'd inherited his aversion to anything new or adventurous… but it was still pretty adorable when dressed up like a mini-Jess.

"There's no _just talking_ with you," he grumbled. "You once tried to _just talk_ to me about dad and it ended with admitting to me how marriage was 'an awful institution' and to 'never get sucked into the appeal' before you're ready."

Bonnie shook her head. "It wasn't like that. And I _never_ said that. She just talked to me… You know, she's been through so much…"

Were those _tears_ in her eyes?

"You've forgiven her, haven't you?" Nick asked, this time getting to show the sly smile.

"Nicholas, I'm never going to agree with what she did, but – "

"You have totally, one-hundred percent forgiven her." Nick finished. She sighed they both watched Jess put her arm around Aly, still trying to tempt her further into the water that her cousins had already began playtime in. "It's okay," he continued, softer. "I've forgiven her, too."

He'd never actually admitted that one out loud.

They sat in silence for a moment, while the two of them watched the kids play, and Nick shouted a few words of encouragement to Aly. He knew how being in her shoes felt, all too well. He was that kid when he was little. He was the nervous one, the one that was always left behind because he couldn't get up the courage to do the things that seemed so crazy or scary to him at the time.

"Julia called me the other day," Bonnie started, an edge to her voice that Nick wasn't used to. He had a sinking feeling that nothing good could come out of that.

"Please tell me it was a good conversation," he leaned back, closing his eyes. Why in the world would Julia call her? Was she really that upset over the plane tickets?

"She just called to tell me that you'd finally set a date. For your _wedding_," she went on, her eyes boring into his side.

His heart jumped up into his throat.

_Great. _

This is just what he needed.

"I was going to tell you," he assured, his eyes still closed. "It's just… given everything…"

"So you proposed to her without telling your _family_?" She was clearly hurt over this.

"I technically didn't propose," he corrected, sitting up. "We just kinda decided to…"

"You're _joking_," she scoffed. "You just _decided_ to? Like it's some kind of legal agreement, the most important decision – "

"_Niiiiick!_" Aly called from the pool. Jess had finally gotten her off of the steps, and her little arms splashed happily around Jess's body. "Look at me!"

He took this moment to leave the chair, knowing full well that his conversation with his mother was far from over, but he had more important things to attend to at the moment.

As he approached the pool, he noticed that the other kids had tired of playing in the water. They had instead headed down by the lake to kick a ball around. Aly's smile, however, was radiant.

"I'm swimming! I'm swimming!" She giggled, and Jess had a smile to match.

"You are," Nick agreed. "Proud of ya, kid."

Aly beamed. "Come swim with us!"

Nick almost said no. Almost. The truth was, him and Jessica Day had a strange relationship with pools. It was where he'd let some stranger give him water therapy. It was where he'd brought Jess, hoping she'd find the same kind of comfort in it that he did. They'd fallen into one after trying to steal a kiss in the back at one of Jess's end-of-year teacher parties. On the very last date they had gone on, they'd sat in an old, abandoned empty one and counted down the New Year to the fireworks popping above them.

Now, they were teaching their daughter to swim in one, in the middle of suburban Chicago, caught in a limbo of their feelings.

He wasn't going to miss a moment.

"Why not?" He finally replied, pulling off his shirt and heading to the steps. He'd forgotten his own swim shorts back in LA, but he and Jamie still wore the same size and Jamie hadn't even noticed that Nick was wearing his swimsuit.

As he stepped down into the water, adjusting to the prickle of cold creeping up his legs, he saw a mischievous glint appear in one Jessica Day's eyes.

_What is she up to this time?_

Just as his feet touched the last step, he felt a hand pull on his arm. The last thing he saw before being pulled under was the satisfied grin plastered across Jess's face. When he came up, Aly's delighted giggles filled his ear. He chose to ignore Jess's smugness in light of Aly's happiness, so he swam over to the edge that Aly was holding on to, stopping just a few inches out of her reach.

Her arms grabbed for him, unsuccessfully, and she did quite a turtle-face in the process, but Nick wouldn't go further.

"C'Mon Aly, you gotta _swim_ to me," he bargained. Jess came up beside him, playing along.

"But I _can't_ swim!" she trembled, eying the space between them like it was the Grand Canyon.

"Aly, sweetheart, you were swimming earlier," Jess reasoned. Aly looked between her parents, biting her lip indecisively. Nick couldn't give in – she had to try it one day. He wasn't going to let her wait like he did. He didn't learn to swim until he was nearly ten, and only because he was tired of not being able to play with his cousins in the pool.

Finally, she conceded, and pushed off the wall with all of her strength.

Nick's arms were there to greet her as she glided into him, the puffs of air secured on her arms making a proper hug difficult. He settled for just holding her, and Jess came up from behind her to kiss her cheek.

It was nice, in that moment, with Jess and Aly at his side. Perfect, almost.

So, why then, was his brain choosing that moment to let his mother's words slip ominously back into his head?

_I mean, what are you going to do when Aly's too old to need Jess to come along?_

_It's not as long as you think. _

* * *

**These chapters were pretty fun to write. Thanks again Newgirl78 for the all-clear - couldn't have made it this far without her input. **

**Hopefully the next update will come faster! It's a ****_good_**** chapter, so if not, I promise it's worth the wait! **


	15. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! I promise the wait was worth it for this one... I've been waiting all week to post it and finally found some time tonight to go over it and make sure it was ready to go. **

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 14

"I can't believe you've been able to keep this from her all weekend."

Nick looked up from his spot on the ground, facing Jess as she spoke. They were laying out a blanket on the grass after another drive to the outskirts of Chicago. This adventure had led them to a community park on the side of a hill, just high enough to overlook the neighborhood below.

He laughed, watching Aly closely as she explored the park just out of earshot. "It helped that the whole family didn't come along."

"And how exactly did you manage that?" Jess asked, with a hint of honest curiosity. She put the cooler they had brought along on top of the quilt and took a seat. Nick joined her, taking in the setting sun.

"Well," Nick admitted, "they've never come to this."

"Really?" Jess turned to look at him, noticing for the first time how small of a crowd was actually at the park.

He nodded. "Me and Winston had some friends in high school that lived out here. We would come out here on Memorial Day to kick off the summer. Wasn't ever a Miller thing, really."

"Oh," Jess responded. "So is this like a neighborhood thing?"

"You could say that," Nick laughed. "Fireworks aren't exactly big on Memorial Day, but since everyone in Chicago goes to the big show in the city on July 4th, I guess these people wanted a reason to celebrate."

She smiled. His heart leapt.

"Whatever works, right?"

Nick caught her eye and couldn't help but return her smile. They sat there for a moment, their eyes flickering between each other's gaze and Aly, who seemed to take notice of their watching. She skipped over to them, taking her seat right in between them.

She had a stuffed cat in her lap, to which she had already christened Nick. He wasn't sure exactly how he felt about that, yet. Bonnie had found it in some of Nick's old possessions when Jess realized she hadn't packed Aly's usual favorite, Elvis, and a cranky toddler without her favorite stuffed animal threatened a meltdown. Luckily, Nick the cat did the trick.

Saturday had worn her out – she spent most of the afternoon in drastic need of a nap – so they took it easy the next morning, and just explored the city on their last full day in Chicago. She needed to be well rested for his big plans.

"Are we having a picnic? Is that the _surprise_?" Aly finally asked. She'd been hinted at a surprise all day, and was obviously quite anxious to get it.

He laughed and pulled out a few sandwiches from the basket. "Part of it, yes."

They ate while listening to Aly chatter about her stuffed animal's newest adventure, exchanging a few chuckles when Aly managed to smear mayonnaise across her face. When the sun finally set, and the little crowd gathered at the park had all turned their attention to the sky, Nick did the same.

When the first whistle sounded, Nick and Jess both turned to look at Aly as the flare went off, casting a red glow across her face and leaving smoky streaks in the night sky.

"_Fireworks_!" She squealed happily, clearly delighted. A few more _pops_ followed, and streams of sparklers lit up the sky in front of them.

It wasn't anything close to a Fourth of July bash – it could barely even be considered a show, as it only lasted about five minutes – but the smile plastered on Aly's face the rest of the night made the trek worthwhile.

Nick's eyes had been on Aly for most of the show, just watching her expressions change with every pop and flash. So many different expressions, wrapped up into one tiny face. There was joy, hope, and pure delight etched onto the outline of her face, a sprinkle of someone else in a face that he saw so much of himself in. She was exactly half of him and half of Jess.

Towards the end, Nick looked up just in time to see that Jess still wasn't watching the fireworks, either. Strangely enough, she also wasn't watching Aly.

Her eyes were set on him, a gentle smile playing at her lips.

When his gaze met hers, she looked down quickly. Nick wasn't sure if it was the glow of the fireworks, or the warm night air, but he could've sworn he saw the slight tinge of a blush creeping into her cheeks.

_What a night. _

* * *

Hours after all of the fireworks were over, and the sleepy almost-family finally crawled into their respective beds, Nick found himself jolted awake from his spot on the couch. In the early hours of the morning, it took awhile for his eyes to adjust to the dark living room. He wasn't exactly sure why he had woken, and started to settle back into his pillow, until he heard a cry.

It was quite unmistakably Aly.

He bolted upright, suddenly wide-awake, and bounded up the stairs. His heart was hammering inside of his chest, a million possible scenarios playing out in his head.

However, once he yanked open the door to his old bedroom, in the lamplight he saw his daughter pulled into the arms of Jess as she whispered words of comfort. One of Jess's flannel numbers had clear spots on them where Aly's tears had pooled. Jess's tired eyes fell on Nick, and she patted a spot on the cot next to them.

Nick sat down, calming down from his panic. He could've walked into worse situations.

"What happened?" he asked, taking Aly's face and swiping away a few tears with his thumb.

"The water monster," she sniffed. Nick threw a puzzled look Jess's way, and she looked up to mouth nightmare.

Poor girl.

"He got you, Daddy," she continued. "I was so scared."

_Daddy_. Had she really just said it?

She may have mumbled something else, but Nick only heard that one word - a word that he hadn't realized he was so desperate to hear. He had hoped it would happen eventually, but had started to resign to the fact that he may always be just _Nick_ to her. Jess had argued with his worry and told him that it would come; always so confident, even when he wasn't.

"I'm okay," he soothed, "I'm here, see?"

Aly finally seemed to realize that, and when she stuck a hand out to touch his face, he pulled her from Jess's lap and into his own. It was a final moment of acceptance, as if to reassure him that he wasn't just some guy that took care of her. She molded right into him, settling against his arm, like she had been made to be there.

She had called him _daddy_.

At her words, it was as if his lungs had released a breath of air that had been held in since he saw her at Jess's doorstep, and his head was spinning with the new sensation. True, he'd always been her father. There wasn't a moment in her life where that wasn't a fact, but over the span of three years and a less-than-ideal reunion, it had taken up until this moment for him to really feel like he was her dad. It was a term that he never truly thought would be associated with him, let alone an accepted idea.

Nick just wished, in that moment, that it wasn't because she was scared senseless.

He held her tighter, never wanting this feeling to end. Even though the hour was getting to him, and he felt his eyelids grow heavy, he couldn't leave. He just couldn't. Nick sat there, stroking her hair, until the hiccups subsided. She sniffed again, but it appeared that the tears had at least stopped.

"It wasn't real," Nick breathed, holding her head against him. "It was just a dream."

"What if it happens again?" Aly squeaked out. Jess took this moment to step in, and put a finger under her daughter's chin, gently pulling it up.

"Then we will be brave and fight him off, won't we?" Jess suggested. Aly looked back at her, nodding weakly. He adjusted so she could lie back down on her cot, pulling the blankets back around her. Nick and Jess slid off of the cot, their shoulders touching at the side of the bed. Then, quieter, "We're here for you, too."

"Will you stay?" She pleaded with the two of them.

"I'll be right up here, if you want to sleep in the big bed, and Nick will be right downstairs," Jess explained. It almost physically pained Nick to think he'd have to leave the room for the night.

_Not after what she said._

Aly, though, seemed to accept this and pulled her stuffed cat close.

It was almost like they moved together, and effortless balance, as they tucked Aly back in. Jess began to hum the tune that had become so familiar to him over the past few months, and he joined in at the chorus, thankful that Jess's voice was so much stronger than his own.

"So don't let me be, let me be, let me be lonely, tonight," she wiped a few more drops of moisture from Aly's face. They continued, "while we're young and alive. Take the keys to my car and the keys to my heart and just drive…"

Nick tucked the quilt closer around her, brushing the stray hairs out of her face in the process. She was asleep fairly quickly, and each of them took a turn giving her a kiss goodnight.

When Nick looked up this time, he was met by the same look that he'd seen from Jess earlier that night. The compassion in her eyes added too much emotion to what he was already experiencing. He smiled back at her weakly, starting out into the hallway before Jess stopped him.

"Nick," she whispered, "why don't I go downstairs, and you stay up here?"

He shook his head, and then motioned toward the door for Jess to follow. He didn't want to chance waking Aly up again… They had a long day of travel tomorrow.

"Just come get me if you need me," he replied once the door clicked shut. Jess slid to the floor, and Nick took the spot next to her.

"She was asking for _you_," Jess confessed. "I just… I didn't want to wake you up."

"Don't worry about that," he asserted. "You shouldn't have to stay up all night when I'm twenty feet away."

Jess leaned her head up against the door and closed her eyes. He could tell she was fighting a yawn. Then, a sly smirk appeared on her lips. Nick raised his eyebrows.

"It happened, didn't it?" She turned her gaze to him. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark, the blue of her irises was hard not to notice. How long had it been since he'd seen that much life in her?

He felt warmth start to fill his chest. "Yeah, I think so. She finally said it."

"She's always known it, though," Jess contested, putting a hand on his shoulder. "She loved you like a dad before she even knew."

"You think?" He smiled.

"I do," she confirmed. Against the door, it was hard to completely grasp how much they'd changed in the past few months – or even in the past few years – and he saw her just like he did when she'd moved into the loft.

He saw the sweet, quirky, almost naïve woman who had him wrapped up in her before he even knew he was falling.

He put an arm around her and she settled into him, just like old times. He'd spent so long reflecting on everything that had been wrong with them. He'd done nothing but be _angry_ about what had changed, about what he could have done differently.

But, sitting against his childhood bedroom door with Jess curled up to his side, he saw everything that had been _right_. He saw their first kiss, the look on her face after he'd stolen her away from Teddy. He remembered the feeling of driving away with her after Cece's not wedding. Most of all, he remembered her touch in the morning, how it was the first person awake's job to steal the morning kiss. He'd never been able to replicate that sensation.

The feeling of her lips against his was one he would never forget.

Still… It had been too long.

He looked down at her, while she adjusted to see him better. The emotions were raging; the thinking was not coming as quickly as Nick would've liked. He knew better, he really knew he did, but that still didn't stop him from lowering his head down to hers. He gave her time to back away. He lingered above her face for a split second, his eyes finding hers, waiting for permission.

She didn't back down, so neither did he.

The gap was so much smaller than he thought, tearing down all of the walls that had come with it. When their lips met, he was brought back to a fourth floor loft in the middle of LA, where a middle school teacher had moved in with a seemingly good-for-nothing bartender, and turned his entire world upside down.

It had been entirely too long.

He thought he had remembered. This… This had nothing on what he remembered.

Her lips moved with his, the arm that had been around her shoulders now encircling her waist. His free hand found her cheek, while her arms wound themselves around his neck. He adjusted himself on the floor, pulling her against the door.

Jess responded equally as eager, working her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. She pressed herself ever closer, and the flannel of her pajamas was such a familiar feeling against his skin… It was almost like coming home.

He could feel her heartbeat under his touch. The way it was fluttering as their intentions spiraled out of control was driving him absolutely _insane_.

They pushed against the door, and it creaked menacingly.

"Aly!" Jess squeaked against his lips, pushing Nick back. He froze. Her cheeks were flush, her eyes wide. She put a finger to her lips, and waited. Each passing second played out in slow motion, as if it was just waiting for reality to finally hit Nick.

When it was clear that they had not woken Aly, Jess got up and brushed herself off, all without looking Nick in the eye. The cold was settling back in, an uneasy end to such an unforgettable moment.

As she turned to open the door, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Jess – "

"I _can't_ do this, Nick," she hissed. He didn't pull away.

"Look, I know – "

"You have a fiancée!" She interrupted.

Oh.

_That_.

His insides twisted. He looked away, unable to deny that truth, and wishing he could more than ever. Nick felt the realization crash on him.

"I'm… I'm sorry," he replied, taking her hand off of her shoulder. She bit her lip, almost sadly, but nodded at his apology and slipped through the door, clicking it shut without another word.

He pulled his hand down his face.

Leave it to Nick Miller to recreate the most incredible kiss of his life, all while he had a fiancée some thousand miles away, waiting for him to return. Hell, he'd talked to her on the phone right before they had headed off to the fireworks.

How could he forget his life with her?

As he walked down the stairs, he felt even worse when he realized that such a question wasn't even the top on his mind.

As much as he hated himself to admit it, there was another that was consuming his entire thought process…

After that, how in the world could he forget his life with Jess?

* * *

**Apologies for any weird autocorrect that could have happened as I was editing this. I know that's what I get for doing this on my phone, but I really wanted to get this up ASAP!**

**Newgirl78, as usual, was a huge help. She's always ready to catch the little details that make these kind of chapters work.**

**I'm particularly excited to see what you guys thought of this chapter!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! Lets just saw I was _blown away _by the feedback from the last chapter. I'm so glad so many of you are still enjoying this story. It _may_ have made my day earlier this week with the tumblr shout-out... (okay, who am I kidding, it was definitely a fan-girl moment). **

**And, as a little surprise/thank you, Newgirl78 had some really amazing input for this chapter. So much so, that I decided to split this into two due to length. Hopefully this means that the next chapter will be up pretty soon. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

Chapter 15

The barest hint of sunlight was starting to edge against the horizon, bringing with it a warm summer breeze.

Nick let his hands graze against the grass as he leaned forward. The glow of a nearby streetlight made the words etched into the cold stone just barely visible in front of him. _Walter Miller_.

"Hey, Dad," Nick breathed. He didn't know why he was here – let alone at 6 AM – or what exactly he was expecting to come of it, but he'd sat up all night, restless, and this seemed like a logical place to go. The rest of the family wouldn't be up for a few hours, so he could steal away, though he'd left a note under his pillow if Jess (or Aly) came looking for him.

It was strange, in that moment, to feel like the person that had left him for so long growing up was the first person that came to mind when he needed to leave. The one person who, by some very strange twist, might be the one person that would know exactly how he was feeling.

When no subliminal sign came from his greeting, he kept going.

"I have a daughter," he admitted, the word catching in his throat. _Why was this so hard? _Was hearing the word out loud making him aware that he had accepted his role? He was father to not only the most amazing little girl, but a parent with the _only_ woman he figured would change his mind on the matter. It seemed funny how the world had given him exactly what he needed, in a way he never expected.

Nick touched his hand against the cool marble of the headstone once again before he continued. "She has the prettiest blue eyes, like Jess. I think you would've really liked her."

The breeze picked up, and Nick smiled slightly. He'd take it.

Closing his eyes, Nick began to wonder why he felt so compelled to open up about all of this. Maybe it was the universe's way of making good on all those times that his father _hadn't_ been there for him. The idea of feeling that someone was there after they had passed always creeped him out, but he felt oddly relaxed, and at peace, in the presence of his father's grave; not unlike how he had felt all those times when Tran had listened silently to his endless ramblings.

With his eyes still shut, he took a deep breath and felt the tears forming behind his eyelids. "She called me _daddy_ last night."

Opening his eyes slowly, he quickly brushed his hand over his cheek to catch the tears that had escaped. He let out a small laugh and nervously started to tug at the long pieces of grass growing along the base of the headstone.

"How can someone so small make you love them so much it hurts?" Nick shook his head. "I would do anything for her. Anything. And the thought of her spending even an afternoon away from me anymore, I..."

He felt an anger start to rise in his veins as he tore at the grass with a little more aggression than before. "Dad, I want to believe that you loved us, but _how_ could you have gone away all those times and not felt this? All I want to do is be the best dad I can and..." He looked up and took another deep breath, his voice quieter. "Why couldn't I get you to stay?"

He thought back to all the times Aly had simply _looked_ at him and his heart had melted. How she could touch his hand or simply smile at him and he wanted nothing more than to remain in those moments for as long as humanly possible. And now that she had called him daddy? He couldn't imagine a day going by that he wouldn't be there to greet her good morning or tuck her in at night. What if all those times he had left to go home, Aly had felt abandoned just like he had when Walt would disappear?

"I don't want it to be like that with her."

In the silence of the cemetery, his heart ached at the thought of leaving Chicago and returning to a life of only being her father from a distance. And what was even worse, was that he couldn't imagine living in a home without _both_ of his girls. Aly and Jess and Nick. It was as if this trip home had given him a taste of what it was like to be a family, and he desperately wished that it didn't have to end.

Sadly, there was a lot more to it than just being _Nick and Jess_ again.

If she hadn't walked out that day, did he think that he would have stayed for her? If he was being honest with himself, the most likely answer was no. With the way things had been at the end, could they have really built a family out of that? It had already taken losing Jess to realize what he had been missing in the first place; he couldn't imagine having to learn that same lesson with Aly again, except in a way that leaving would have been _his_ choice.

Suddenly the pull to be with Jess made him resent the fact that Julia had convinced him to move forward with their engagement. As wrong as he knew the thoughts were, he couldn't help but wonder if he could have had everything he wanted, if he had only had better resolve when Julia had pushed the idea of marriage.

_What if Ma is right?_

It was awful to think, knowing that Julia had done so much for him in the years he'd been away from Jess, that he didn't want to prepare for a time when it wouldn't be appropriate for Jess to come along. He wanted to be a family, and that image didn't seem to leave much room for Julia. It was true that he loved her, but where did that love end?

Would it end at the discussion of having children? Did it include dressing up in family-coordinated Halloween costumes with Aly? Could it be enough to replace the wine tasting events with trips to Disneyland? Just four months ago, he had been so content without facing those kind of questions, because that was simply not his and Julia's relationship.

Now, though, having Aly around appeared to have raised his capacity to love, and everything else seemed to pale in comparison.

Nick squeezed a blade of grass between his fingers, rolling the single strand around as he tried to form together words. As if Walt was sitting beside him, he looked up. "I don't know if you ever felt like this with us, but... I _never_ imagined it could be like this."

The wind that had been tugging at his hair started to die down with his revelation, and Nick frowned again.

"I guess you know what's coming next." He sucked in a gulp of air. "Jess was pretty incredible, too," he croaked. "I told myself I wouldn't be like you and do something like run away from Julia just because all of this happened, but I can't just ignore this with Jess. I want to be a family. I want it for Aly, because it's what I never had, but... I also want it for me, Dad. I want to come home to my wife and my little girl every night. I want to love them and take care of them and... I feel like I want everything I can't have, all because I messed up. I can't ever get back my baby girl's first years because of me. All the stupid things that I said." He took a deep breath. "I should have fought for Jess. I should have gone after her..."

He trailed off, aware that he was rambling.

Gazing up again, Nick watched the sky turn a pinkish orange as the sun began it's slow ascent above the horizon. Somehow the soft colors helped to ease the regret that had taken over his heart. Turning back to the ground, he took took another deep breath, the air almost completely still now.

"Aly asked about you the other day… Wanting to know if I was like you."

He chuckled to himself darkly. All she wanted to know was why her Nana didn't have a Grandpa to go with her, like Jess's parents. Aly's innocent stare, after Jess had helped gently break the subject of death to her, prompting her next question: _"Did your dad love you?"_

_"_She asked if you loved me. I told her that, in your own way, I think you did," Nick began again, running a hand through his hair, his heart finally settling down. "Then she asked if _I_ loved her." He paused, remembering the sinking sensation in his stomach. He hadn't been lucky enough growing up to hear that from his dad. "I knew the answer was yes. I _knew_ it. I wanted _her_ to know, too, so I told her so. It was so easy to say..." Nick's voice trailed off as he smiled at the memory of Aly's smile, already so close to his own.

With one last sigh, he stood up and looked to the horizon. The breeze was starting to come back. "Maybe it's good to know how it feels to always wonder about what it would have been like with us, because I'm never going to let her down like that, Dad. I can't." Nick slowly stood up, brushing the broken blades of grass off his legs and breathing in the warm summer air. He nodded his head. "Thanks for listening".

He started to turn around before he paused, a lump in his throat. Before taking a step, he nodded his head with a quiet reverence. "Love ya, Dad. No matter what."

With that, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and made his way back to his mother's car, which she'd be expecting back soon. Part of him wished he was still the Nick that could simply miss his flight and choose to stay here with Jess and Aly forever.

As he slid into the driver's seat, he wondered if maybe this feeling was why Jess had stayed away for as long as she did - as a way to avoid the pain she'd have to face if she had come back to LA, the same pain he saw ahead of them when their imaginary world here in Chicago would disappear. The pain of knowing how desperately you wanted someone to love you, and how the decisions that you had made meant that it was no longer possible.

* * *

"You have a beautiful family."

The old woman smiled kindly down at Jess as she got up from her spot across the aisle, getting ready for the boarding call in the adjacent terminal. They'd been at the airport for less than an hour, and Jess wasn't quite expecting someone to comment on their habits so early in the morning, let alone while Jess was by herself.

Nick had taken Aly on his shoulders across the terminal to the food court – Aly's crop of dark hair was just visible above the crowd. Jess had been watching them since they walked off, remembering the happy giggles from her daughter as Nick pulled her up to his shoulders after mentioning that her feet hurt.

_You didn't see us going through security, _Jess thought at the woman's comments. What a nightmare _that_ had almost been. Outside, though, she returned the gesture with a genuine smile.

They _did_ have their moments.

"Thank you," she replied as earnestly as she could muster. "Though, I'll admit, she was pretty cranky on the way over here."

The woman only chuckled as she turned to walk away. "Oh, dear, it's an airport. Aren't we all?"

Jess could understand this. Aly hadn't gotten a lot of sleep – hence the near-meltdown as she was told that she'd have to walk through the metal detectors by herself – and Jess couldn't say that she'd gotten much, either. Hers, though, was mainly because she'd spent most of the night desperately trying to deny that she'd fallen right back into Nick Miller's arms.

She could have stopped herself, in that split second that he'd lingered above her, but she had _chosen_ not to. She had let him kiss her and she had responded with just as much fervor. She knew it would happen. Hell, if she was being completely honest, she _wanted_ it to happen. Just not like this, not when she knew that nothing would ever come of it. She knew the moment that she had returned and found out about Julia that it just wasn't going to ever be 'Nick and Jess' again. How could she have let down her guard and be vulnerable to those emotions again, _knowing_ that they would never be together? What was wrong with her?

She had come back to _fix_ her mistakes, to right the wrongs that had plagued her for almost four years, not create new ones.

What was even worse, was that it _broke her heart_ to think that she had, through her actions, given Aly a glimmer of hope that they could be a real family. She had promised herself, _promised_, that when they came back here she would be careful. Careful not to fall back in love with him. She was here for Aly, nothing more. But then Nick would look at her, or smile at her, or do something, _anything_, hinting that he was truly _thinking_ about her, and all that love she had had for him came rushing back.

Why did it feel so _good_? Why couldn't she will herself to accept that he was marrying another woman? This wasn't _love_ he was feeling for her, he was simply being kind to the mother of his child. He momentarily got carried away, she momentarily got carried away. He was doing all of this for Aly too, right?

Still, it had been nice, as Nick had kissed her, to not feel like just _Aly's mom_. In his arms, she'd felt desirable and dangerously unstoppable.

Furthermore, Jess had forgotten just how ridiculously attracted she was to him. She had never forgotten how she had loved him… No, that had been hard enough to get over. Rather, she'd just discovered a love that had overshadowed that in his absence, and had blocked out everything else. Somewhere in between sleepless newborn nights and energetic toddler theatrics she had somehow let her love for Aly allow her to forget the love she still had for him. The love she would always have for Nick Miller, justified or not.

Yet, here she sat, in the hustle and bustle of Chicago O'Haire, just as hopelessly torn as she had ever been with Nick.

Had there been an empty room nearby last night, she probably would've followed him right in there, and done things she'd both revel in and regret. She was so disappointed in herself at how easily she could become the other woman. That wasn't her.

Then, there was the whole thing with his _mother_.

"_Knock knock!"_

_Jess had nearly jumped out of her skin as she was unpacking, Aly's extra set of pajamas falling out of hands as she spun around._

_Bonnie Miller stood at the door to Nick's – or, temporarily, Jess and Aly's – room. Jess quickly bent down to pick up the clothing, her wide-eyed stare flickering between Bonnie and the suitcase._

"_Aly's with Nick downstairs," Jess replied quickly, "he's getting her ready for bed, if you want to help."_

_Bonnie only cracked a half smile, then came to sit on the bed. "No, Jess, I just wanted to come see how you were doing."_

"_How… I'm doing?" Jess repeated._

"_Yes," Bonnie confirmed with a matter-of-fact nod. "So, Jess, how are you doing?"_

_Jess took a deep breath. There could be a lot of ways to answer that._

"_I'm… I'm doing," she replied, just as lamely and awkwardly as she had intended _not_ to reply. Bonnie didn't miss a beat._

"_You know, Nick really does care about you."_

_Jess winced. She wasn't going to act like she wasn't catching on, but she was certainly not going to be encouraging it. She had an example to set for Aly now. This wasn't just about her and Nick anymore... They were parents, not two loft mates battling it out on who could feel more (or less, depending on the situation). _

_She had already made such a huge mistake where Aly was concerned, she was becoming conscious as to how Bonnie was perceiving her ability to be a good mother. She had been much more nervous about coming here than she had let on. She still wanted so desperately for Bonnie to like her, especially now that she was raising her granddaughter._

_Bonnie continued her neutral stare, beckoning a response. __In the time that Jess had been with Nick, Bonnie had always been so good at reading her. Too good. Stares like this had the potential to freak her out._

"_He's been really good for Aly," Jess averted. Bonnie tried to speak, or protest, but Jess held up her hand, pulling together every ounce of confidence she could muster. "Bonnie, I know this whole thing has been hard… And I don't know how to say I'm sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long, but I just want to make sure you know I didn't ever want to hurt any of you. Aly adores Nick and he's a fantastic father."_

"_I understand, Jess," Bonnie nodded, much to Jess's relief. "Nick told me what happened before you left. We may never see eye-to-eye on it, but who does when it comes to their kids?"_

_Jess chuckled, feeling a weight slowly lifting off her shoulders. She was cautiously starting to feel that maybe she_ hadn't_ ruined her connection with Bonnie. There were things she didn't even agree with her own mother on regarding Aly. "You're being awfully nice to me over all of this. If I'm being honest, I was scared to come here. Your kindness means the world to me and well..." She took a deep breath, "I've missed being part of your family."_

_Bonnie smiled as a laugh escaped her lips. It was a deep laugh, one that both relieved and terrified Jess. She really had missed this woman._

"_Jess, dear, the family loved having you around before, and now that you're associated with Aly… Well, let's just say they're ecstatic," Bonnie put her hand on Jess's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze._

"_My days when Aly needs me here are numbered," Jess countered sadly, shaking her head. "Nick has Julia, and I can only think that in a few years they'll be bringing Aly here together."_

_Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Do you honestly think he'll follow through with marrying her?"_

_Jess felt a drop in her stomach. Bonnie wasn't supposed to know, she knew that for sure. With wide eyes, she tried to put together a sentence. "Nick told you?"_

"_Oh, heavens, no!" Bonnie waved her off. "_She_ called me."_

_The way Bonnie wouldn't say Julia's name gave Jess an idea on exactly how Bonnie felt about _that_. Jess shook her head again, closing her eyes for a brief second. She couldn't get into this debate right now, especially with Nick's mother. Bonnie would see right through her. Jess knew she could never say anything that would convince Bonnie that she liked the idea of Nick and Julia getting married._

_No. Nope. Not at all. Bonnie was way too observant, especially when she had a vested interest in something._

_Bonnie looked at her then, her expression softening. Jess felt a blow to her willpower._

"_Can you just tell me, Jess," she pleaded, "do you really think it's a good idea for him to marry Julia?"_

_There were a lot of things that Jess could've said. She could've said that it was good, because he was going to give Aly a chance to be with two parents, despite how much she wanted to be the first to give that to Aly. She could've said that it was exactly why she left. She could've said that he was finally growing up and that she was happy he had found someone._

_However, she knew the raging jealousy, slowly eating at her resolve, made none of these reasons true._

_So, for the first time, she uttered the words that she'd kept held up inside since the moment she'd found out about Julia. Unable to look Bonnie in the eye, she quietly said it out loud._

"_No," she confirmed, letting another gulp of air of her lungs, "I don't think it's a good idea."_

Jess leaned her head back against the glass, closing her eyes and remembering how relieved she had been to finally say it, then how terrible she felt for admitting to _Nick's mother_, of all people, that she didn't want Nick to marry Julia. She never thought that these feelings would come back the second she returned.

She couldn't let herself feel this way about him. He had moved on. She was _trying_ to move on. He _was _marrying Julia, and it was too late for them. But why was it so hard to accept? She couldn't do this to Aly. She couldn't pretend that it would ever be just the three of them and that they could be a real family. She had to stop this before it went too far. She couldn't let Aly spend her childhood holding out hope for something that simply couldn't be, Jess knew all too well how that felt.

She had been so careful not to let her guard down, but then she had turned around a few nights later and kissed Nick back like neither of them were in the process of moving on, like they were picking up right where they left off.

Jess exhaled again. She'd been cordial, but distant, to him ever since. It was just best for Aly. And... possibly best for her? All too soon they would be back in LA and Jess and Aly would be alone in their apartment, and Nick would be with Julia. As much as she wanted to hold onto what they had here in Chicago, it simply would never be. She had wanted this... right? This is why she had left in the first place, because they just weren't good for each other.

Just as she thought this, she felt a warm body slide into the seat next to her. She turned to meet Nick's shy smile, who then glanced down at Aly.

"Momma, we got ya something," Aly began, holding up a Styrofoam cup with a lid.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Jess replied earnestly, taking the cup. She took a careful sip to discover it was her favorite blend of chai tea. _Oh, man, good stuff._

At Jess's approving smile, Aly beamed. "Daddy said you'd like it."

Jess _really_ tried not to spit it back into her cup out of surprise. She frantically looked at Nick, who offered her up another innocent smile. However, flustered Jess was hard to overcome, so she opted to look down at her feet, with fleeting glances to her daughter in between breaths. How did he _always _know exactly what she needed to feel better? After all these years, how could all these tiny gestures still make her feel so loved? Why was he so good at taking care of her, even now?

_Damn him. Why did he have to make this so hard?_

She took strategic sips when Aly, and only Aly, was watching, until their boarding call came in just late enough to make the whole situation awkward.

_Good going, Jessica._

* * *

**Again, Newgirl78 went above and beyond the whole beta title with this chapter. HUGE thank you to her for her suggestions here, and in the next two following.  
**

**I've been terrible with review replies as of late. Hoping to change that this go-around. For all you guest reviewers - you don't have to write to create an account on here! We have this really cool forum called 'The Writer's Loft' where you guys can go and post suggestions and just chat (and, well, if you ever get the urge... write!). **

**Anyway. Thanks again everyone, hope this chapter was a suitable follow-up to that last one! **


	17. Chapter 16

**Found some time tonight to update! This chapter is shorter than the last, but I can think of a _few_ people who will be very happy with the ending of this one... **

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Chapter 16

It seemed that the sight of Jess sitting in the airport terminal, struggling to even look at him, erased all of the progress that Nick had been oh-so confidant that he made that morning in the cemetery. Upon waiting for their boarding call, the magnitude of his situation with Jess and Julia was finally starting to crash into him. He couldn't tell his left from his right when it came to the two of them.

Aly was as cute as ever in handing her mother the tea, but then again, when was she not?

"Daddy said you'd like it," was all Aly had to say before Jess's stare was right back to her feet. Nick fought the urge to reach out to her, settling the churning in his stomach. _He_ had caused this whole mess, and the more he thought about their predicament, the more he felt an invisible weight pressing down on his shoulders. He _knew_ what was right, but he also knew what his heart wanted. This gave him no further comfort (or resolution) in his dilemma.

Consequently, once their boarding call resonated through the terminal, he began the long plane-ride home mentally kicking himself for all the wrong reasons.

He should feel awful because he had a fiancée. It should be because he felt bad about betraying said fiancée's trust. It should be because he could've just ruined what he had with the girl who picked up the broken life that Jess had left him with.

Yet, all he could seem to feel bad about was the way that Jess wouldn't look him in the eye; the distance she had kept from him. The longing he had for just one more kiss, one more touch. It was taking all his willpower not to just reach out and hold her hand, something that he had probably done a thousand times without a second thought. But now? Now he was ashamed at how much he had taken their time together for granted. The memories of every time he had shied away from her touch were moments that he could never get back. If only he'd _known_ then what he knew now...

He shook his head.

She hadn't even looked at him once at breakfast that morning. It was like an arm's length at all times, which was fairly impressive when sharing a toddler who had to be carried through most of the airport.

The tea thing had only seemed to make matters worse, as the awkward balance of "speak only when necessary" extended all the way through the flight, into the baggage claim, and finally to the car.

They made the drive to Jess's apartment in ominous silence. Aly seemed to be oblivious to this fact, though, as she worried on their way home on how Elvis would react to her new cat friend Nick. It would've been cute if either parent had been paying more attention. Nick could only manage smiles in the rear view mirror, while Jess nodded and reassured Aly as they pulled into the parking lot that Elvis was _not_ the jealous type of bear.

Lucky for Nick (the human), once they had Aly all settled in back home, the stuffed animal introductions went fast and the only input he needed was "uh-huhs" and the occasional nod.

Then came time to say goodbye.

He bent down to Aly in the doorway, and she fell right into his embrace.

"Are you coming back tomorrow?" She asked into his ear.

He hugged her closer, his heart dropping at the sadness in her voice. "As long as your mom says it's okay," he replied.

Jess's lips were forming a thin line when they both looked to her. Nick sighed, and watched Aly retreat. Apparently, she knew the look, too.

"Here, sweetie, you can go watch your movie while I say goodbye to Daddy," Jess replied, handing her a DVD. Nick recognized it as the one Cece had returned the other day. Aly took it happily, waving one final goodbye to Nick.

Nick smiled inadvertently as he watched her skip away. "Night sweetheart."

He started to walk to the door by himself, and was surprised to notice that Jess was following him. She was behind him straight out the door, and once they were outside of the apartment, she shut the door behind her.

They stood there for a moment, locked in limbo. Nick had no clue how to read the neutral expression on her face.

Finally, she sighed. "I can't do this, Nick."

His heart sank. He should've known that Jess didn't like to leave things unsaid.

"What do you mean 'you can't do this?'"

"I just… I can't – "

"Look, Jess," he looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry. I am. I don't know how to say anything else without making it sound like I regret it."

She blinked. "You don't regret it?"

"I've learned to never regret things like that," he shrugged. Nick saw her gaze soften as the corners of Jess's mouth try to pull up at a certain parking-spot memory, but she quickly recovered.

"I _can't_ be that girl," Jess shook her head. "I know what it feels like… I'm not going to do that to Julia… To you."

She bit her lip and Nick looked straight at her.

"I'm not asking you to be," he admitted, finally, "but there are things that I've still got to sort out and – "

"I have a date this week," she blurted.

Nick felt an invisible weight crash into him.

_Wow_.

He wasn't ready for that. Nick felt the air _whoosh_ out of his lungs, like a blow straight to the heart.

"With _who_?" He questioned, more out of curiosity for how Jess met someone when most of their time off was spent together.

She seemed to take it as an insult. "For your _information_," she glared, "his name is Dylan. He's divorced and had two kids at the same daycare that Aly went to in Portland. He comes down to LA for business a lot. We met a few times for coffee before picking the kids up."

The mental images of Jess with another man simply _infuriated_ him. He had no rational reason to think this way, to feel as if he should be putting up a defense, but after all that they had been through the past few days, her revelation stung like the worst form of betrayal.

"_Just_ what you need," he retorted, unable to control the sarcasm, "more complications."

"You're one to talk!" Jess countered, apparently close losing her cool as well.

Nick held up his hands. "Fine, whatever, go out with Mr. Skeletons in His Closet. I'm going to go home, and – "

"You're seriously going to go there?" She rolled her eyes. "If we want to go back to middle school name-calling, Nick, let's talk about _your_ relationship. You can't even admit that you're engaged, let alone go through with – "

"For your _information_," he repeated, almost mocking her. "We have a date set. Oh, and Aly is going to be the flower girl. Hope you're _okay_ with that."

He didn't expect for her eyes to fall the way they did… He didn't expect to see the same heartbreak he'd seen four years ago play out before him. He hadn't meant to hurt her _like that_.

Yet, somehow, his words had done it.

Pulling further away from him, she did her best to not let him see how much his words had stung. "Well, she's your daughter, too. I can't stop that anymore."

Jess turned to walk back inside, looking at him one last time before she closed the door. He hadn't gotten that privilege last time he lost her – though, he wasn't sure he would call this _losing_, as he never actually _had_ her this time.

In his silence, Jess just shook her head.

And with the soft click of the door, she was gone.

* * *

Nick didn't know how to feel on the way home. So many different emotions coursed through his being… Anger. Disappointment. Fear.

There was guilt in there, too, but not nearly as much as it should be while driving home to face Julia. She didn't know anything that had happened – he hadn't even thought about telling her, he'd been so wrapped up in Jess's latest emotional roller coaster.

He knew he'd have to come clean. He wouldn't go into this relationship without being honest. How had he not seen that back in Chicago? Jess had obviously been keeping things from him, and the last thing he needed was to have that with Julia, too.

However, he reached his house before he could come up with a good way to talk to her about it. He didn't want to come home, say _"How was my weekend, you ask? Great! Jess and I made-out, got in a fight, and now I'm close to an emotional breakdown. Oh, but Aly can be our flower girl" _and then proceed talks about the wedding.

Nick opened the door, keeping his head down, and threw his keys on the table.

Well, _attempted_ to throw his keys on the table.

They actually clattered onto the floor, sliding into the empty space that once was home to their table.

_What the…_

"You're home."

Nick spun around, seeing Julia's small frame in the doorway to their bedroom.

"Uh… Where's the table?" He asked, starting to realize other subtle things, like Julia's DVD stand, were also missing.

She looked at him, biting her lip. "Not here," she finished, awkwardly.

"Obviously," Nick shook his head. An heavy silence loomed. "Seriously, Julia, what's going on?"

Julia then leaned up against the wall, and Nick noticed she was still wearing a pantsuit from work. He wondered if it was new; it'd been a long time since he noticed she'd worn anything new.

The silence blanketed them. It began to sink in what was coming, as much as Nick didn't want to admit it. He'd been worried about a fallout, sure… but this?

"Are you…?" His voice was hesitant, waiting.

Julia nodded, sadly. "I signed a lease for a new place while you were in Chicago."

"But… _why_?"

She didn't bite her lip this time. Instead, she inhaled, like she was about to give a eulogy instead of an explanation.

"I've been taking stuff out of the apartment for a month now," she confessed. Nick's eyes grew wide… Really? Julia continued, "You didn't even notice. I was being spontaneous and took an entire day off, and you didn't think it was the bit strange that I didn't go to work before you that day. I called your mom, and found out that you still can't admit that we were ever – "

"_Were_?" His voice was shaking.

"Well where else did you think this was going?" Silence. She closed her eyes. "That's exactly what I mean. I was never the jealous type, but I _can't do this_. I can't share you, Nick, not with another girl."

Suddenly angry, Nick fired back, "If you think that Aly is some sort of _problem_ – "

She cut him off.

"It's not Aly I'm talking about."

Jess.

"It's Jess…" He mumbled, trying to hide the emotion in his voice. The memories, the worry, were all coming back. _Not the time, Miller. Not the time._

"I knew the second that she came back that we were over," she admitted, folding her arms across her chest. "It wasn't just Aly. It was everything. I told Jess years ago that we all knew you were going to run back to her anyway…"

"I'm still figuring things out," he argued, "who says I'm just running back to Jess? She's seeing someone, Julia. It's not like that, and I can't just take her out of my life, we have a kid!"

She shook her head. "That may be the case now, Nick… But just wait a few months, a few years."

"Yeah right," he rolled his eyes. "So if you always knew I'd go running back to her, why did you even want to date me again in the first place?"

This seemed to take Julia by surprise. Nick wasn't expecting the chuckle that escaped her lips. She had a pretty smile, and Nick knew he'd taken it for granted. Could it be possible that she deserved better than this? Or, rather, something _different_. Maybe they both had settled.

"Sorry," she corrected, straightening back up. "It's just… I ran into Schmidt when I was out for a drink one night a couple years ago. He was _drunk_."

Despite the circumstances, Nick felt himself laugh. Heaven help anyone that ran into a drunk Schmidt.

"Anyway," Julia continued, "he was going on and on about some 'Caramel Goddess,' which I think is how he talks about Cece." She shrugged. "I guess I'll never understand how the man speaks. So, he was going on about how she'd been depressed because her best friend left without a word, and how you had been doing nothing but work for the past six months and how he just _hated_ how he couldn't be happy…"

She was rambling, but she was still smiling at the memory. "I… I guess when I realized that Jess was gone, _really_ gone, I felt like I needed to do something. I was ready for something committed. I got put on a huge case the next day, and so it took me almost another six months to actually go find you… but I did."

"And here we are," Nick finished, desperately trying to get a hold of his emotions.

"Here we are," Julia repeated.

They stood in another moment of silence, Nick balancing his back against the kitchen counter, and Julia still standing in the doorway, her eyes flickering to the front door every now and then.

Nick didn't really know how he wanted this to end. Would he have had the courage to do this, had Jess taken to his advances? Or would he have ducked out like a child?

Finally, Nick broke down and let his heart do some of the talking. "I really did care about you, Julia."

"I know," she said, her gaze softening. "But can you look me in the eyes and say that nothing was happening with Jess?"

He didn't mean to look down, but it was almost automatic, and he was sure the gesture spoke volumes more than what he intended to confess. Julia sighed – not angrily, not completely unhappily, maybe not even disappointed. It felt like she was moving on, leaving Nick in the middle of a painfully empty kitchen.

Slowly, Julia walked towards him, and placed a careful kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Nick," she whispered, her hand resting on his shoulder. He reached up and found it, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Goodbye, Julia."

Her hand slid out from under his, lingering on his arm for a split second before pulling away. She turned around, picked up her purse, and walked straight out the door… out of this life.

This time, when the door clicked shut, Nick knew it was final. It didn't hurt as much as he'd expected, either. The house was empty, sure, though he was starting to realize that it had felt empty for months. Tonight was no different, even though he felt the loss of both Jess and Julia fresh on his heart. He knew that there was no turning back… But maybe, just maybe, there was a silver lining.

He found it as he settled into bed, thankful that at least the mattress was his, and that he'd kept his old sheets from the loft.

There was no lamp anymore, but among the various books now piled on the floor, he spotted the coloring book page that he had colored with Aly over a month ago.

_Had it already been that long?_

His fingers traced the markings on the page – from his questionably dressed character (was he even a prince?), to the still unfinished princess on his left. Nick knew what she looked like, knew that he should have been able to at least finish _this_... Until he realized, for the very first time, why he'd never finished it.

He bolted out of bed, digging around for some stray markers, crayons… anything. He found some old colored pencils, probably for labels or something, and got to work.

Whether she would ever _truly_ be his or not didn't seem to matter, because Nick knew exactly what his princess should look like.

* * *

**Once again, I have to give a shout-out to Newgirl78. She's done so much more than any beta reader I've had before, and her input into this story is invaluable.  
**

**And what did I say about the end? Hope all you Julia-haters enjoyed it! Still a lot more to come... Obviously, things with Nick and Jess are never quite that easily resolved ;) **


	18. Chapter 17

**Another quick update before the week starts. I may have squealed like a teenage girl when I saw the tumblr shout-outs! You guys are awesome! **

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Chapter 17

_Well there's nothing to hide and nothing to prove  
Give me all that you are  
You've got nothing to lose  
Just don't let me be lonely  
No, don't let me be lonely_

"So you're telling me," Schmidt drawled on, "that you broke up an engagement last night, and now say you're _fine_? Nicholas Miller – the name synonymous with 'psycho break-up protocol' – has called off his engagement and is _fine_."

Nick took a sip of his beer, letting the glass clank softly on the table. He smiled up at his friend, enjoying a long-overdue after-work guy's night. He glanced over at Winston, who was giving Nick a smug look of understanding. They'd spent the past hour just catching up – Nick explaining Chicago (minus the kiss), Jess's date, and, most shockingly, Julia.

"Man," Winston followed up by clapping Schmidt on the shoulder, "I think that's called progress!"

Raising his glass, the three looked around their circle and held up their drinks together. Who cares if they were well over 30 and toasting like they did in college – they weren't at Nick's bar (as he knew the new manager would be pestering him endlessly with questions) and Schmidt seemed to be in one of the best moods Nick had ever witnessed.

The truth was, Nick really was okay. He wouldn't call it progress – he was still hurting – but he still had Aly, and part of Jess, whether she liked to admit it or not. It wasn't a terrible place to be.

"Gentlemen," Schmidt began, and the other two quieted down. Winston gave Nick a knowing look. _This should be good. _"As you may have guessed, I have a rather _exciting_ announcement to make."

They waited, blinking at Schmidt while he composed his words. He had that guilty, child-with-a-secret look on his face… A look that brought Nick relief. They'd seen Schmidt through some pretty tough times recently.

"Cecelia and I – "

"I swear, Schmidt, if this is another 'sexual discovery' –"

Winston swatted Nick at his comment, already drawn into Schmidt's story, and Nick shut his mouth.

"No," Schmidt snapped with an eye-roll, "and if you're done rudely interrupting, I was about to announce that Cece and I were approved through an adoption agency today."

Nick and Winston instantly jumped.

"Congrats, man," they chorused, sending another round of drinks their way.

It was destined to be a good night.

"So how long are you looking at?" Winston asked with another gulp from his glass.

Schmidt thought about this. "It could take awhile, but after two years, my cultured lady is ready for it."

"The question is - are _you_ ready for it, Schmidt?" Nick questioned, casually.

"Well," he shrugged, "I still don't think _you're_ ready and you seem to be doing fine."

Winston tried to hold back his laughter, until Nick gave in and chuckled. There _were_ things that he still wasn't ready for, things that he didn't even want to think about. So, Schmidt had a point.

"How's that going, by the way?" Winston looked back at Nick.

"It's good," Nick admitted, grinning. "I'm picking up Aly tomorrow when Jess goes out. She could've stayed the night, but I wasn't gonna push it with Jess."

"Smart man," Schmidt commented, tipping his glass Nick's way.

Nick nodded, but didn't know what to say. He didn't feel smart, that was for sure. Still, he continued on, changing the subject back to Schmidt's adoption plans, at least for the time being.

It felt weird to be talking about kids like they were, but the fact was, he and Schmidt weren't college roommates anymore. He and Winston weren't just childhood friends. They were adults, with lives and women and kids all coming at them at once.

Maybe it had been like that for awhile… it just took Aly coming into his life for him to finally see that.

* * *

Nick waited as long as possible the night he was to go pick Aly up. Not that he didn't want to see Aly… He just had other reasons.

He knew it was stupid of him. He knew that it was probably pretty childish, too. But he _had_ to see the guy that thought he could just take Jess out when he was _just stopping through_.

Who the hell did he think he was? Nobody is ever _just stopping through_ between LA and Portland.

His hands gripped the steering wheel that much tighter as he pulled up to Jess's apartment building. He checked the time – 7:10. Just a few minutes late, and pretty close to the 7:15 pick-up that Jess had mentioned.

When he got to the door, he half-expected to see Jess frazzled and half-put-together, much like their old date preparations had gone. In living together, they'd learned entirely too much about each other's pre-date routine (or in Nick's case, lack thereof).

Instead, though, his favorite three-year-old opened the door, cracking into a grin when she realized who she was looking at.

"_Daddy_!" She squealed, climbing into his embrace. He didn't think that word would ever grow old.

As he carried Aly in, he heard Jess's voice coming from the bathroom.

"You're _late_."

She didn't exactly sound amused. Nick didn't expect her to, anyway, so he just laughed.

"Traffic," he said lamely, and turned put Aly back down. "So," he asked her, "what all is on our agenda tonight?"

Aly considered this for a second, then scampered into her room. She returned with a little green suitcase, the one Jess had told her was too much trouble to take to Chicago last weekend. Nick had begrudgingly agreed, even though she looked pretty darn cute carrying it.

"I've got lotsa colors and a movie," Aly suggested, reaching for the zipper.

"Oh, no you don't," Jess appeared from behind. Aly looked sheepishly back up at Nick. She guided Aly's hand away from the zipper.

"Momma packed it with everything I need."

"Yes, Momma did," Jess responded, raising her eyebrows with a smirk and crossing her arms in front of her. "And you're not gonna take it all out again, are you?"

Although he could hear the firmness in her voice, there was still a little hint of a smile. Aly caught on pretty quick, and nodded, holding back a giggle.

Nick let his gaze fall on Jess for the first time, and couldn't force back the grin that pulled at his lips.

She was in another red number; it's material shining slightly in the light. Her hair was piled up loosely on the back of her head. Dark, wavy strands hung against her shoulders and framed her delicate features. The skirt flared in usual Jess fashion, and Nick let himself marvel at the way it hung from her hips. Jess looked over at him for a moment and caught his eyes. She tilted her head slightly, a tender look he used to know so well, and the corners of her mouth curled up before she bit her lip.

He smiled back, and nodded. "You look really bea..."

There was a knock at the door, startling both of them back to reality.

Jess glanced nervously at him again, a warning look in her eye, and went to answer it. Aly appeared back at Nick's side, so he picked her and her suitcase up, ready to get out as soon as he got a good look at David-something-or-other.

"Ready to go?" A man's voice sounded.

The man stood in the shadow for a second, until Nick approached the door, feeling bolder than usual with a toddler in his arms.

"Oh, hello there," the man greeted as soon as he saw Nick.

Nick gave him the once-over, seeing a man that was half-Paul, half-Russell, standing before him. _What is with Jess and her ex boyfriends?_ He was scrawny, with dark hair, and in Nick's bartending days, was one of the guys Nick would usually have to call a cab for because they couldn't handle their liquor very well. _Bet he's such a lightweight._

"Dylan," Jess addressed, "this is Nick. I told you about him back in Portland. Nick, Dylan."

_I told you about him back in Portland? _What kind of explanation was that? He was Aly's dad - _that's_ who he is.

Dylan held out his hand, and Nick shook it with his free hand. Nick was suddenly glad that men didn't bother with small-talk… This was awkward enough. Aly gripped Nick's neck just a little tighter.

"Well, hi there, Aly!" Dylan quipped, clearly expecting a response. Aly buried her face into Nick's shoulder. Nick couldn't tell if she was tired or shy, but it was still satisfying to show Mr. Daycare who Aly's father _really _was.

"Sweetheart, remember Dylan?" Jess coaxed gently. He could feel Aly peek over at him, but that's about all she did. "He's Bailey's dad."

She nodded, still not moving.

"Another time," Dylan added, still too happy about the whole thing. He looked at Jess and smiled. "You look nice tonight."

Nick could see the blush creep up on Jess's cheeks. His arms tightened around Aly.

"We better get goin' then," Nick interjected, taking the opportunity to walk into the space directly between them. "Bye, Jess! Aly, say bye!"

"Bye Momma," Aly waved as they walked off. Jess mumbled a goodbye to Nick avoiding eye contact, and blew a few kisses at Aly. Nick shook his head, unable to get the jealousy to subside.

Maybe it had been a bad idea to get a look at the clown.

Or not. He was just looking out for the mother of his child.

Definitely not a bad idea.

* * *

It was two hours later, and Aly was bathed, dressed, and ready for bed. Nick wasn't sure if Aly didn't understand that Jess was coming to pick her up, or if she was hinting at something, but it made Nick feel a little bit more confident about his single parenting skills when she snuggled up on the sofa like she'd be there all night.

"Can we watch a movie?" She asked after finishing yet another page in her coloring book. The lone piece of furniture left in his living room, aside from the TV and the TV stand, was the couch. Aly was currently perched against an armrest, unsuccessfully trying to keep her crayons from rolling off the edges.

Nick chuckled and picked a few up off of the floor for her.

"What did you have in mind?"

Her eyes lit up and she dug around in her suitcase, producing the worn case of a DVD Nick had grown familiar with… _Tangled_. "This one is my fav-_er_-ite," Aly continued, drawing out her syllables. He'd read her a story before bed just a week before, and when the word came up, she was instantly curious of Nick's slight Chicago accent.

It amused him to no end that she was trying to imitate it.

Aly's waiting stare sent his thoughts back to her present request. Movie or no movie?

He knew it was late, and he knew Jess would flip out on him if she knew Aly was staying up past her bedtime, but what could it hurt? After all, he was going to be the _fun_ parent.

Well, except for boys. No fun with those.

He shuddered at the thought.

When he finished putting the movie in, he found Aly perched on a pillow, curling up under a blanket she'd produced from her bag. He involuntarily smiled. "Good idea," he nodded, going into his own room to grab a blanket.

He returned and settled into an opposite end of the couch. He impatiently clicked through the previews – he'd show those stupid Hollywood tycoons – and finally made it to the home menu. He was far too excited about this movie for an adult male, but he just couldn't help it. It was one of Aly's favorite things; one of the few he hadn't shared with her yet.

He had high hopes… hopes that were quickly dashed upon his press of the 'play' button.

The beginning was unsettling enough – _for real, kidnapping? This is a kid's movie! _– though the plot picked up fairly quickly after that. By the time Rapunzel, or whoever she was, was begging for time out of the castle, tower, _whatever it was_, Aly had crawled over to Nick.

Instead of staying on the other side of the couch, she dragged her pillow over to his side, placing the pillow across the armrest (and, consequently, his arm), then curled up under his blanket.

"You're just like your mom," he mused, chuckling. "She liked to steal blankets, too."

Except when she was fully clothed... But that didn't happen very often when it was just him and Jess, and he certainly wasn't going to tell Aly _that_.

Aly giggled, then _shushed_ him. The prince – or, rather, the _thief_ – that was on the page Nick helped Aly color appeared on-screen, his high-speed chase through the woods ending in Rapunzel's very tower.

Nick didn't quite expect the way the future hero sauntered into the room, and yet another giggle escaped Aly's frame.

"Daddy, it's you!"

He couldn't help but laugh. Aside from the whole thief thing (hey, he'd been called worse), Aly may be onto something. So he watched, taking in this strange new character, wondering if that's what Aly thought of when she first saw him. _Huh, weird. _They_ were_ pretty alike.

Because of this, Nick became entirely too engrossed in the movie. The similarities were just striking…

The guy showed a disdain for all random singing, had a clear lack of enthusiasm for strange situations, and yet, still found himself entranced in this bubbly, innocent, little princess.

Before long, after a series of wood chases and river rushes, the characters were on the lake, it was raining flowers…

There was a knock at the door.

Nick jolted, feeling Aly's weight on his legs. He glanced down at her, peacefully sleeping on him. He couldn't disturb that.

"It's open!" He called, hoping that it was not some serial killer at his door… But really, what kind of serial killer would knock?

"Glad I'm not a robber or something," a very feminine voice muttered from the outside, reiterating Nick's thoughts.

The front door then squeaked open, and the outline of Jess's thin frame appeared. Jess fumbled around for a light, finding the switch in the glow of the TV. As the room lit up, Nick squeezed his eyes shut from the sudden contrast. Aly rolled over in similar response, burying her face in the pillow.

"Nicholas Miller!" She scoffed, glancing at the movie. "It's almost eleven, and you're letting her _watch a movie_?"

He rolled his eyes, lowering his voice. "She fell asleep like fifteen minutes in!"

"Well, at least _you_ don't have to deal with a sleepy, grumpy toddler in the morning," she grumbled, packing up the objects strewn on the couch back into Aly's bag. Nick sat there, hoping the sleeping little girl on his lap was a good enough excuse not to move. He thought he caught the glimpse of a smile on her face as she glanced up and shook her head at them. If only she knew how much he _wanted _to "deal" with Aly in the mornings, grumpy or not.

"Have a nice date?" He retorted. It wasn't intentionally snide, but Nick found it hard to keep his cool at the word 'date.'

"Very," she snapped. "Now, I'll let you get back to Julia." Her voice softened slightly, a distinct hitch as her words spilled out. "I'm sure she'll want you back all to herself."

Jess held out her arms, waiting for Nick to hand Aly over, and he sighed. He could tell her Julia was gone. He could come clean about everything.

Yet, here he was, chickening out.

He gathered his daughter in his arms, gently untangling her from the blanket he had brought out. She whimpered just a little bit from the cold, so he shifted her head to his shoulder so Jess could cover her with the blanket she'd brought.

Just as Jess's hands found Aly's side, she held onto Nick tighter, giving the two of them a small cry. Nick was trying to ignore the electricity that still hummed between him and Jess, as her fingers worked to pry Aly from his chest.

"Aly, sweetheart, we have to go home," Jess explained softly in her ear, only to be met by a louder cry. _Why did this have to be so hard? She finally has her daddy and here I am having to be the one to tear her away. Why would it always Aly that was going to punished in all of this?_

"I don't wanna go," she protested, pulling closer to Nick. He was not doing a very good job hiding his smugness. Jess closed her eyes, trying to ignoring the nagging guilt in her gut.

"You need sleep," Nick spoke up, trying to convince Aly to let go. He didn't want her to go, but he also wanted what was best for her.

"Why can't you come with us?" She whined and gave him a frown so turtle-like that Nick had to resist hugging her back to him.

"Because Nick lives _here_," Jess explained. Aly's grip had loosened, so Jess took the opportunity to take her from Nick. Choking on her words, she held onto Aly tightly. "He doesn't live with us, sweetie."

"Why _doesn't_ he?" She pouted, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

Her question caught the two of them off-guard. How exactly do you tell a toddler why her parents don't live together? Nick was partially relieved to see that Jess appeared just as lost as he did. Jess averted her gaze from Nick's piercing glance, so afraid that she would break down at any moment. She took a deep breath, willing away the tears just a little while longer.

"It's just the way it is. But it doesn't mean I won't be thinking about you." Nick gently stroked Aly's back, unable to push away the realization at how similar the feel of her hair was to Jess' soft curls against the palm of his hand. He leaned over and kissed Aly's forehead, lingering momentarily to breath in the all too familiar scent of Jess' perfume. "Goodnight, baby," he whispered.

This seemed to calm her down, just a little bit.

Jess sighed, shooting him a look that showed gratitude and exhaustion.

"Night, Jess," he casually waved his arm as she turned.

"Night, Nick," she replied, almost awkwardly, and turned to leave, Aly now resting comfortably against her shoulder. She paused for a moment and spun slowly on her heels. "Nick?" He glanced up surprised, watching her bright blue eyes carefully. She smiled, "Thank you for tonight. I just wanted a night to feel like I was more than just Aly's mom, you know?"

Nick felt his breath catch in his throat. _More than just Aly's mom? Was that all she thought she was to him? _He started to say something when she spoke again.

"I know you think this is what I wanted, and I accepted my choice a long time ago. But, it doesn't mean that I'm not lonely sometimes. I just miss..." Her voice quieted to almost a whisper, filled with genuine sadness. "You're really lucky that you found Julia. I just wanted you to know that."

Before he could even catch his breath, she had quickly opened the front door and was gone.

When the door closed, Nick tried to not let his emotions get the better of him. Jess' admission had caught him completely off guard. Lonely? For the first time, he realized how much Jess' sacrifices would have been at the sake of her own happiness. Sure, she had Aly all these years, to which he could admit generated jealousy deep within him from time to time. But what if she wasn't really _happy? _

Was that why she picked that song all those years ago to sing to their baby girl? Because she really _did _miss him all that time? He had spent so much time being angry and trying to push away the resentment he felt over her running away, that he had forgotten that while she had spent her days and nights worrying and taking care of their child, he had had the opportunity to find love again.

A love that didn't even matter to him.

A love that had never been real to begin with, because Julia wasn't Jess.

Why hadn't he told Jess that Julia was gone? Was he afraid that even with Julia gone, Jess had moved on long enough to not be willing to give them a second chance?

He folded the blanket in his hands and brought it to his face. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to inhale the smell of Aly's shampoo.

He missed her already.

He had discovered how much his heart ached when Aly was with Jess. Sure, he was exhausted. Sure, toddlers weren't the easiest people to please, but there was something missing the moment she was gone. No matter how difficult being a father was, it didn't mean he didn't enjoy every second of it. He thought back to how amazing it had been in Chicago when they were all together, and how he started to imagine what it would be like to have both of them here with him all the time.

In the new silence filling the house, he realized that the movie was still playing.

Nick had half a mind to take it out of the player and return it tonight… But then, he remembered that they'd never finished it. He still didn't know if Rapunzel would pick the grumpy, half-hearted thief, or leave him behind.

He had to admit, he was rooting for the guy.

So, Nick took the opportunity to settle back into the couch, right where Aly had fallen asleep against him, and began to rewind. He found the spot where they'd been before Jess had knocked on the door, with full intentions on finishing the movie that night.

He hoped Aly wouldn't miss it too much.

* * *

**As per usual - Newgirl78 added some _extremely_ useful passages to this chapter, and her input has been invaluable to this story. Can't ask for a better beta than that, can I?  
**

**Thank you all again for the continued support! It is truly amazing! **


	19. Chapter 18

**So, I have some (hopefully) good news for everyone - the addition of this chapter, thanks to some requests and a surge of inspiration this weekend, has made this story just a little bit longer! MayaLala pretty much convinced me to do it, so thank her, too :P **

**I reached kind of a huge milestone last chapter (for me at least) - over 387 reviews! Which officially passes an older story of mine, and puts this one ahead of the rest, which is pretty darn exciting. **

**Thanks again for all of the amazing support! I hope you guys enjoy this bit of comic relief :) **

* * *

Chapter 18

The next Monday, Jess checked her phone at lunch only to find three missed calls, two voicemails, and a various text messages from the few people she'd brought back into her life. She scrolled through the numbers, quietly thankful that they were the type of calls the delivered good news, not bad.

There were some texts from Cece, asking about her plans for later in the week, and also Dylan, which caused her to sigh. She'd deal with _that_ later. There was also one from Nick, with whom she'd had a strictly professional relationship since the night she'd almost had to pry Aly from his arms. He had messaged to reminder her that kept forgetting to return the movie that she'd left at his place in her panicked exit with Aly that night.

_Don't think about it. Don't think about it._

She hadn't bothered to ask about the empty living room, because Nick had mentioned a few weeks before that he and Julia would need a bigger place if Aly were to stay with him on a regular basis. Obviously, they had found a new house, and she just hadn't been in the mood to listen to them talk about moving on.

Furthermore, Jess had spent the entire weekend feeling awful about the painful way that she had to take Aly away, and the way she was letting Nick affect her emotions. Her ability to flex around his fleeting advances was wearing thin. But parenthood had given her a relatively tough skin in it's wake, and she woke up Monday morning with full intentions of accepting all of the things life had thrown at her. It was simply time to grow up.

She _almost_ responded to Nick, then saw that the final point on her list was a Los Angeles phone number that she didn't instantly recognize. They'd left a voicemail, too. Curious, she pressed play.

_"Hi Jessica, I'm with the the West Pediatric Clinic, and we're calling to confirm the appointment for Allison at four..."_

Jess nearly smacked her palm across her forehead. She had to stay late on Mondays, as it was her turn for hall duty, and there was _no way_ she could make it out by four. She'd been trying to get Aly in for a physical on their new insurance for almost two months, and _of course_ she'd forget to set time aside the one day that she actually needed to.

The whole thing with Nick had thrown her so off-balance, she was letting it go to her head.

"You can fix this," she muttered, begrudgingly acknowledging that Nick was perfectly capable of doing a simple thing like going to a doctor's appointment. She'd already had to cancel Aly's first appointment because of how busy their move had made them, and the last time she'd been sick, they had just run to the nearest minor emergency clinic.

Jess knew that one day she would have to suck it up and admit to Nick that she'd made a mistake. Her goal, though, had been to put it off as long as possible, because Nick was simply irritating when he had the upper-hand.

She shook all of the frustrations out of her head as she dialed Nick's number. He picked up in a few rings.

"Hello?"

It took her a second to swallow down the feelings that kept bubbling to the surface every time she heard his voice, and his voice grew worried from her silence.

"Jess? Are you there?"

"No, I'm here. Sorry," she shook her head, even though he couldn't see that. "I'm at lunch, but I just got a call and realized that Aly has a doctor's appointment today at four."

There was a pause. "Okay?"

"And I... I can't make it at four," Jess said, this time slower. Would he think less of her because she'd forgotten something so simple?

Nick didn't take long to respond.

"Oh! Do you need me to take her?"

"Would you?" She pleaded, somewhat relieved that his tone was amiable.

"Sure," he agreed, but then seemed to be fighting some hesitance. "Uh... This isn't one where she needs any... uh... _vaccines_... is it?"

Jess rolled her eyes. Leave it to Nick to need the reassurances... And he'd get it back ten fold this afternoon when Aly realized where they were going.

"No, this is just a consultation and physical, just to get her set up here in LA. She doesn't need anything until next month when she turns four."_ I'll be the one to take her to that_, Jess thought glumly, "And do _not_, Nick, under _any_ circumstances, say the word 'shots' to her. She will _not_ walk into the clinic with you if you say that word, even if you said it to tell her she's not getting any."

Jess could hear Nick's gulp from her end of the phone.

"So what do I do? She'll know it's the doctor's!"

Shaking her head again, Jess sighed. Parenting over the phone was not her specialty.

"Just don't act like it's a big deal when you pick her up. She's going to be crabby when she sees where she is, I can't stop that, but she has to go. Don't let her play with any of those toys, either, because they're _covered_ in germs. And don't panic if she freaks out, okay? Can you do that?"

Nick sighed, and Jess could almost hear him counting the list of commands she's given him. "Yeah, I can."

"I'm not convinced."

"What do you want me to say, Jess? I'll try my best."

Jess gripped her phone tighter at his words. Truthfully, she didn't know _what_ she wanted Nick to say. She just wanted him to make her feel better about them going to a doctor's appointment without her. It took her too long to realize that there was nothing that would make her feel better about forgetting about it, and subsequently getting Nick to save the day.

"Jess? You still there?"

"Yeah," she breathed. "I am. I'll make sure everything they need is faxed over to the office, and I'll send you the address and the insurance card. Get her there by three-thirty. I'll call the daycare and make sure they know you're picking her up early."

"I can call them, Jess," Nick responded. "I _can_ do that, right?"

His words took Jess by surprise. He could do that. He was listed as her father, and he could pick her up whenever he wanted when it came to the daycare. _Weird_, she thought, trying to soak in the idea that she _could_ just let Nick do it, and the world may not actually fall apart.

"Yeah... Yeah, you can."

* * *

Nick was certain that his original fears, and Jess, had been overreacting about Aly's whole aversion to the doctor's office. That is, until they actually arrived at the building. She couldn't read, but was apparently observant enough to know what the building of a clinic looked like.

Her little eyes grew wide in her car seat, and Nick tried to swallow his apprehension as he pulled open the door to the backseat.

"Where are we?" She frowned. He told her back at the daycare that they'd be making a quick stop before they took her home, and the answer had been good enough at the time.

"We're..." Nick hesitated. Was it too soon to tell her? "We're just going to go inside for a little bit, okay?"

He gently pulled at the buckles on her car seat. She was clearly doubtful, but didn't fight him, and let Nick pick her up. She clung tightly to his neck all the way across the parking lot, and let a cry escape as the automatic doors slid open.

"It's okay," He soothed, not unlike that night in Chicago, and tried to pick up her spirits. Why, all of a sudden, did he feel like he was betraying her trust? "They just want to make sure you're healthy."

She pushed against his chest, like she was trying to get away and had somewhere to go, but he held on tight. Obviously, she was not convinced of his assurances. Her squirming became more of a problem once the receptionist handed him a clipboard, and he needed to sit down and look at his phone to fill it out. He carefully sat down into a chair in the waiting room, placing the clipboard in an adjacent seat when his grip on Aly started to falter.

"Hey," he chuckled, trying to be good-natured about it, "what in the world are you in such a hurry to get to?"

"I'm not getting a shot, am I?"

There it was. The word he wasn't supposed to say. The word that wasn't supposed to freak _him_ out.

"You're not, I _promise_," he coaxed. What in the world was he going to do when the answer was different?

She frowned again, and it was like Nick was looking in a mirror. For now, though, his answer seemed to be good enough, as she crawled out of his lap and into the seat next to him. She picked up the clipboard and handed it to him.

"Momma always takes me to stuff like this," she commented. Nick wasn't prepared for how her comment would cause a dip in his stomach. However innocent it may have sounded, was there a reason to worry that she didn't trust him? Jess had always done the big stuff, from doctor's appointments to picking out her clothes, and Nick was even further reminded of this as he glanced at his phone for all the answers to the questions on the sheet.

"Well, you're stuck with _me_ this time," he joked, trying to push all of the doubts out of his head. Aly cracked a small smile at his assertion, but it wasn't a very convincing one. He knew that she was nervous... Would having Jess there make it any easier?

Once he double checked the numbers on the form, he returned it to the receptionist's desk. On his way back, he picked up a picture book from the very bottom of the pile - surely there weren't _that_ many germs on it - and handed it to Aly as he took a seat next to her. She shook her head quickly when he offered it to her.

Nick sighed. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

She turtle-faced again.

"Hmm..." He tried to keep his tone light, and not worried, at her rejection. "I _think_ the big blue bunny wants me to read it to you." He held up the ridiculous cartoonish rabbit-faced book cover up to his face. Aly let another, more genuine, giggle escape her lips. _Finally more at ease._

Just as Nick flipped the book open, though, a nurse opened the door into the waiting room. "Allison?"

Aly gave Nick a suddenly nervous gaze. He gave her the best reassuring smile that he could muster, offering her his hand. Her small fingers slipped into his palm, and they followed the waiting nurse into the hallway.

As they made their way past the nurse's station, Nick remembered exactly why he never trusted doctors. The hallway was adorned with pictures of cartoons and cars and butterflies, but, what always waited for him behind those doors as a kid was usually less than pleasant. Aly kept a tight hold on his hand, and he only let go when they had to take her weight and measurements.

The nurse was cheerful enough, scribbling down all of the numbers that she rattled off, all while asking Aly questions about school and her favorite toys. Aly was slowly becoming more trusting, and even let the nurse in on her and Elvis's latest adventure. It was when they reached the room that the doctor would see them that Aly hedged back.

She whimpered a little bit as Nick picked her up and put her on the table, but he held her hand the entire time the nurse took her temperature and confirmed the information that Nick had just written on the medical form.

"And I think that's it!" She finished with a bright smile. "The doctor will head over in just a sec!"

Aly squeezed Nick's hand as the woman left.

"Are you _sure_ I'm not getting shots?"

"Have I ever lied to you?" He asked her, softly. She bit her lip, so much like Jess did, and started to relax again. "I promise, they just wanna make sure that - "

The door was pushed open then, and the doctor came into the room almost back-first.

"Well Ms. Allison, I - "

As the man spoke, Nick's breath caught in his throat so fast that it actually made him start coughing. It wasn't because the man was entirely too good-looking for a pediatrician, or because he sounded like an overaged frat guy, it was simply because they had stumbled across yet another one of Jess's ex-boyfriends.

And it just so happened to be Dr. Sam, the man that Nick had actually been the _cause_ of his and Jess's break-up.

_When would this whole thing end?_

"Oh, uh, hello, Sam!" Nick sputtered, still trying to control his gasping for air. "Or, I guess Doctor..."

"Sweeney." Sam finished, blinking at Nick. _Oh_. Nick had never bothered to learn Sam's last name, figuring that wasn't something he really needed to know at the time. It wasn't like he needed to know the name of his roommate's boyfriend, who happened to be a pediatrician.

Funny how time had a way of changing things.

Nick could also feel Aly's eyes on him, and so he squeezed her hand as he watch Sam take his first sideways look at Aly. He wasn't sure how to read the neutral expression on his face, but Nick was smart enough to know that Sam was seeing Jess in her. He also didn't miss Sam's short glance at the medical history that the nurse had handed down to him. _Yes, her name is Allison Day._ Because of the last name situation, Nick could only assume that Sam was looking at her birthday, too, given that the timeline of Sam and Jess's relationship really wasn't that far off from Aly's age, either.

There was absolutely no way that Nick could have asked for a more awkward situation.

He couldn't exactly say _"don't worry about that, she's mine" _while Sam took a painfully long time to do the math in his head, because Aly was sitting _right there _and Nick was not about to have that conversation with her. _Good God_ _Sam_, Nick thought,_ you went through medical school! Surely you can count back faster than that! _

In that instant, Aly turned to look straight-on at Sam for the first time, only to give her most impressive turtle-face to date.

This did wonders to relieve the tension in Sam's body. He broke into a wide smile for Aly, crouching just slightly so he could be eye-level with her.

"Why the long face, sweetheart?" He asked, and the kid-friendly tone surprised Nick.

Aly leaned away from his stare. Friendly or not, she obviously hadn't missed the uneasy vibe that had just resonated in the room.

Sam only laughed. "Has anyone ever told you that you look _just_ like your daddy when you do that?"

She shook her head, though Nick knew that she was lying. Jess had commented on it with her in the room at least a dozen times, and his family in Chicago talked about it nonstop.

"But don't worry," Sam reassured, "I bet you look just like your mommy when you smile. And she's a lot prettier than Daddy, huh?"

This time, Nick could feel the deep scowl pull at his face. _Careful there, Dr. Sam..._

He would've scowled a little longer, had Aly not looked to the side and burst out laughing at Nick's response. He sighed in resignation.

"You don't know what my momma looks like," Aly contested, still giggling at Nick's expense. Sam chuckled.

"Oh, but I do. We go way back, before you were born."

"You do?" Aly's eyes widened. Nick wondered if Sam realized that her irises were the exact shade of blue as Jess's.

"We were all _friends_," Nick interjected, though he wasn't exactly sure why he was feeling defensive over the whole thing. After all, he had been the reason that Jess and Sam had ended. Aly's eyes flickered between the two men and Sam took the opportunity to pull out his stethoscope and change the subject. _How oddly professional._

"So have you ever heard your heartbeat through one of these?"

Aly shook her head quickly, instantly curious. Sam began to bargain with her, promising to let her take a listen once he was done. As he started to get on with the appointment, Sam cast a sideways glance and smirked at Nick.

Nick tried his best not to respond, simply because Sam wasn't really easy to read. On one count, he hadn't heard from Sam in years, and while he was certain that Sam wasn't terribly bitter about the break-up, he also knew that they hadn't exactly ended on great terms.

As he watched Sam interact with his daughter, he became lost in the what-ifs. What if this had happened between Jess and Sam? What if he had been subject to the ups and downs of this type of situation, but with him sitting on the outside? Would Sam have accepted the idea? Would Jess have still run away?

And, what would _he_ have done? Would he have just let her go like that?

He swallowed back those thoughts, and the likely answers, feeling overwhelmingly thankful for the time that he had gotten to call Jess _his_, however short-lived. If nothing else, he had gotten one of the most amazing gifts that life could offer out of their relationship. It was something that he could never have imagined the night he kissed her in the hallway, with Sam sleeping in the other room, but now he couldn't seem to _want_ it any other way.

The feeling of lightness that filled his body carried through her entire appointment, and in no time, Sam was helping Aly off of the table and she was pulling Nick to the door.

"Everything looks good, Aly," Sam said, more for Nick than for Aly, as he gave her a high-five. The three of them shuffled out of the room, and Aly's eyes fell on the jar of candy that sat on top of the nurse's station. Sam picked it up. "And I think good patients deserve a _special_ prize, don't you think?"

"Can I have a purple one?" Aly asked, bouncing up and down while surveying the bowl candy.

Sam smiled and picked up her preferred purple candy, placing it gently in her hands. Nick looked at it hesitantly.

"I thought they said all this sugar and food coloring was bad for them," Nick commented, trying to say _Jess will have my head for giving her sugar_ without actually having to talk about Jess.

Sam just shrugged, clearly not understanding the implications in Nick's voice. "I'm a pediatrician, not a dentist. I mean, don't eat a whole jar of them, but..." He glanced at Aly, happily putting her hard-earned prize to use, and chuckled again. "She's a good kid. It's good to see you and Jess worked out."

Nick only smiled tightly, then nodded. Sam didn't seem to miss this, as his eyes made a clear glance to Nick's hands, as if looking for a ring. Despite the consequences of letting the assumptions settle, Nick just didn't seem to have it in him to correct Sam. He'd leave _that_ conversation to Jess.

On their way out of the office, though, he had been reminded of a comment Jess made on his first night with Aly, and he figured the doctor would be a good person to clarify it with.

"Can I ask you a question?" Nick turned to Sam, while Aly happily went to work on her candy. "About Aly, that is."

Sam leaned against the nurse's station. "What's on your mind?"

"We think Aly is allergic to something, but she's never eaten it... Jess said that her skin just breaks out if it's in lotion." Nick looked down at Aly. After Jess had told him that, he'd gone home done some research online about allergic reactions, and it had scared him enough to have a nagging feeling about it over the past few weeks.

"Well, it could be a number of things," Sam shrugged. "Some kids have sensitive skin, and that's normal. But I can make a note of it and have the receptionist give you some numbers to get her tested, if you want. I can even have her call Jess and leave my personal number."

_My personal number._

Nick shook his head so fast that his neck popped. He tried his best to recover.

"I can get the numbers, thanks" Nick replied coolly. "Thanks, Sam - or, er, Dr. Sweeney."

Sam gave him a small nod, while Nick waved one final goodbye before pulling Aly gently out of the office. Even as the nurse handed him a few numbers for allergy doctors in the area, Nick couldn't help but reflect upon the entire visit. He found himself repeating a phrase that he'd said more often than not over the past few months.

_Well, it could've gone a lot worse._

* * *

Jess arrived back at her apartment just as her phone rang. Nick's name flashed across the screen, and she tried to ignore the way her heart picked up.

"Hello? Nick?" She answered. Her voice wasn't as steady as she would've liked, but Nick didn't seem to catch it, as he wasted no time in replying.

"Jess, do you know what the name of Aly's pediatrician is?"

Nick's tone wasn't accusatory, but since he wasn't standing right in front of her, Jess couldn't really tell what he was trying to imply. It also occurred to her that she _didn't_ know the man's name. She'd just called the first place that the insurance company had listed. She remembered that there were multiple names listed under that clinic, and she had just asked the receptionist to put Aly in at the first available time.

"Um, no, was he bad?"

"No, but I didn't exactly expect to run into Dr. Sweeney again."

"Dr. Swee - "

_Dammit Nick!_

Okay, it _really_ wasn't Nick's fault, but Jess couldn't hold back the shock as it sunk in that she had sent Nick to the office of her ex-boyfriend. Not only that, she'd sent him with a daughter that he was still getting to know, and the man that was going to be seeing them was who she had been with at the beginning of her and Nick's disastrous attempt at a relationship.

"Nick, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean - "

He laughed. "Don't worry about it. Everything looks good with Aly. I even got some numbers for allergists in the area."

"Really?" Jess blinked, and her stomach did another flop. Aly really did need to go see one, and leave it to Nick of all people to remember to get the ball rolling on it. "I guess I'll call later this week and see what we can do."

"Sure thing. I'll have her home in a few minutes."

"Oh, okay, see you soon."

Jess hung up the phone, pushing the whole allergy thing out of her head. Her thoughts then drifted to the appointment as a while, as she tried to imagine what in the world could've been said once Sam realized that Aly was her and Nick's daughter. Sam, the guy who she'd given a coloring book to in order to entertain before sex, was now the guy she was going to be looking to for medical advice.

_Great._

Nick was clueless enough as it was, and Sam was all they needed to make things more dysfunctional.

It was nice, though, as she sunk down into the couch, knowing that it wasn't _her_ that had to sit in that office, alone, with Sam and the product of her relationship with Nick. She let that thought sit just a little longer, before letting out a long overdue laugh.

Her and Nick may not be on the best terms, but she could at least appreciate the humor in the whole thing.

* * *

**Once again, thank you all for such a great response! And especially thanks to Newgirl78 for looking over this chapter and getting her feedback back to me in record time! Seriously, guys, she's got some truly amazing ideas. Couldn't make this story the way it is without her help. **

**Until next time!  
**


	20. Chapter 19

**And now back to your regularly scheduled programming... Haha, just a quick update before I head off on a crazy week! Before we get started though, another thank you to Newgirl78 for all of the help she has given me with this story, even more so in these last few chapters!  
**

* * *

Chapter 19

The odd balance of professionalism and friendship continued between Nick and Jess for the remainder of the week. Nick didn't want to think that there might come a day where Jess would only tolerate him because of Aly, but he was treading a fine line with their relationship. The times Aly wasn't with him – which was surprisingly minimal, with Jess out every other night – provided ample time to think about how terribly this could end.

So, Nick decided that he needed a distraction.

After Aly had so adamantly resisted going home that night last week, he decided that he would make his extra bedroom into Aly's bedroom. He didn't see any use for it, other than an office, but he'd recently realized that he wasn't the kind of guy for a desk. He'd once dreamed of being the guy in charge – but now that he (kind of) was, it just felt _wrong_. It wasn't who he was. Even at work, he preferred to do the paperwork from the couch in the back.

At least, that was his excuse. It didn't help that he'd been unusually excited about this prospect since she'd started being left in his care on a regular basis. He had a chance to really do something special and surprise her.

He thought that the hardest part of his idea would be the actual labor. Painting a room, putting together furniture… All those little hobbies that required careful attention were just what he needed to get his mind off of everything. However, once he got to the hardware store, he quickly realized that he was in over his head.

The simple act of picking out the paint _color_ presented itself as a nightmare.

Between the swatches of playfully bright hues, brochure upon brochure of project ideas reminded him of exactly how difficult this could be; how utterly creative that he was _not_.

There was even a room with a slide coming out of a deck-like bed. A _deck_ and a _slide_.

Then came the bedroom complete with a tree house and forest mural. Nick could put a dresser together, sure, no problem, but building a tree house _and_ painting a mural was a stretch for his home improvement abilities. What did they take him for, an _Extreme Makeover_ intern?

Each packet came with instructions for no less than fifteen colors and countless pieces of furniture. Well, maybe not fifteen exactly, but it was pretty damn close.

He quickly snapped a picture of a princess-castle themed room and, without thinking about how it would be received, sent it to Jess.

_How do normal people pick out paint colors? Because this is beyond me. _He tagged along with it.

He figured she was at lunch, as it didn't take her long to reply.

_Used to be like that, then thought about how a 16 year old would feel about a castle in her bedroom. _

Nick chuckled at the thought, and his phone buzzed again.

_Not to mention, she'd hate to have friends over._

At sixteen, he probably would've still used a tree house, but he decided against letting Jess know that. He didn't have to think too hard about his reaction to Aly's part, though.

_Whatever it takes to keep the boys away. _

It took Jess a little longer to respond this time, and it was a conversation-ending _Haha_.

This type of project shouldn't have him thinking about his daughter and boys. Yet, it did. For everything that he and Jess disagreed on, he hoped that their daughter's eventual social life would not be one of them. _He_ was a teenage boy once, he knew exactly what those guys would think of Aly. If she was anything like her mother, anyway, Nick had a pretty good reason to be skeptical. Jess had a way of getting him to do really stupid things when he was thirty; he couldn't imagine what it would've been like had he met her as a teenager.

He shook his head. He had at least ten years before anything like _that_ became an issue.

Hopefully.

Who was he kidding? She wasn't dating until she was thirty.

_Done_.

"Can I help you?" A woman asked from behind, and Nick turned to see a woman in a paint-stained apron smiling up at him. Her apron had a little badge that read _Jill_. Her friendly smile gave Nick the impression that she ran into panic-stricken parents a lot.

He sighed. "That obvious, huh?"

"Yeah," she chuckled, eying one of the brochures in his hand. "I'm assuming you're looking for a little girl's room?"

He nodded. Jill then turned to a few shades on the pastel side, pulling out some pinks and another palette with complimenting colors.

"I wouldn't go for the display rooms, or anything really bright," she began, "for a baby, you don't want to go overboard, it's – "

"Oh, no! She's not a baby," He laughed. "She's three. Well, almost four."

Jill gave him a look, and he understood why. He should have seen that coming, anyway. She had assumed first-time kid's room decorating meant he was looking for a baby. That's how normal people did things, anyway. Fell in love, got married, bought a house, decorated a baby's room…

Nick tried not to think about how much he wished he could've done it that way. A big, crazy room wouldn't ever make up for the time he lost with Aly.

Yet, here he was, shopping for his three-year-old daughter who he'd known for almost three months. He was minus the plus one, minus the whole 'decide this together' thing.

His face must've read hurt.

"Sorry," she recovered, shaking her head. "I just assumed…"

Nick let his expression soften. _No turtle faces in public._

"It's complicated," Nick explained. It wasn't exactly uneasy; he'd been explaining the situation long enough not to be embarrassed about it. The hardware store just wasn't the place to get into that conversation.

Jill shrugged. "I've heard weirder."

Nick took some comfort in this. He and Jess were pretty twisted, so it was good to know that there were crazier people in the world.

As Nick took in all of the implications, Jill rearranged some of her swatches, pulling out a larger selection of colors. He spied some greens, more pastel purples and yellows, and even some neutral cream colors.

"My suggestion is to start off with a color you like. Try a few on the wall, see which one you like best, and then pick a palette from that." She handed him a couple more swatches and even a sheet that gave furniture matches to the lighter colors. "Oh, and keep the furniture in mind."

He nodded, rifling through a few of the booklets. This made it seem a little easier.

Jill also took him around to a few more brands of paint. He was vaguely listening to her as she explained the difference between eggshell and high-gloss… It hit him then that the last time he had done anything like this was when Jess had asked him to paint her room in the loft. The memory happened at that very store… In that very aisle.

"_Ooh, Nick! Look at this one!" Jess skipped over to the section of blues, picking out a threateningly dark navy. "I think it'll match my bedspread." _

"_I dunno, Jess," he shook his head, "seems really dark for you." _

_She frowned. "But this is the big thing in all those magazines!"_

"_Yeah, but they don't live in a loft," he countered, still smiling at her enthusiasm. _

"_You're such a party-pooper," Jess shook her head, then flitted over to a bright green. "I like this one, too."_

"_Jess," Nick grabbed her shoulder, "way too bright! You'll wake up with a headache every morning."_

_Grumbling, Jess put the swatch back. She pulled out another color, this time a middle-of-the-line blue. She presented it to Nick, who shook his head again with a smug smile. _

"_You've _got_ to be kidding me! Is there anything you think is right?" _

"_No," he laughed, "I mean, there is. But these shades will dry so much darker than what that shows."_

"_And that's a problem because…?" Jess tilted her head, her wide eyes just daring him to answer. _

_Oh how he loved getting her riled up like that. _

"_Because you'll just have a harder time painting over it when you move out." He defended. Painting over that stupid mural in Schmidt's old room was hard enough. Two layers of primer and the outline of the monster was still visible if you looked at it just right…_

_Jess mumbled something about him being right, then stopped in her tracks. _

"_You planning on me moving out anytime soon, Miller?" She arched an eyebrow, putting those little hands on her hips, staring him down in the middle of a hardware store. _

_He had to laugh. "Only if it's across the hall," he replied coolly. Since when had flirting become so effortless?_

"_Welllll," she drawled, taking his had, "_I_ say that _you_ move across the hall."_

_That just wouldn't do. He couldn't just leave his bedroom! He'd been there for so long already!_

"_Well, my room's bigger!" _

"_My room's better!" _

"_You keep leftover food under your bed!"_

"_You have shoes under yours that you can't even remember buying!"_

_Jess narrowed her eyes at him. Nick's lips tugged downward. _

_They continued to stare at each other, clearly making no progress towards a decision. It occurred to him that they were having this heated debate in the middle of a home improvement store, but his pride in front of Jess was worth more than that of the public eye. _

"_So… Decide on a color yet?" he started._

_Jess stuck her tongue out at him, then turned back to the wall of colors. Wordlessly, he watched her pick and choose at each possibility, her curls bouncing at each excited hop. He knew that she wouldn't listen to him about a paint color until she actually saw it on the wall, though it would make the afternoon's arguments that much more fun. _

_It was a pretty good day to be Nick Miller. _

"Sir?"

Jill's question was enough to pull him out of his little daydream. The paint in front of him came back into focus.

"Oh, sorry," he shook his head. "Just… reading all these labels…"

_Way to be weird. _

By now, Nick assumed Jill thought he was crazy. If she did, though, she didn't show it. With a smile and a nod, she continued on her explanation of paint finishes. Nick didn't quite want to break it to her that he knew most of it already – mostly because the last time he'd done this kind of project was for the mother of the child he was shopping for. This time, though, he hoped the occupant would stick around long enough to enjoy it.

"So have you thought about any colors?" She asked, noticing that Nick was favoring one of the swatches.

"I really like this yellow," he explained, producing a very light pastel on the swatch. "It's not too much, is it?"

Jill shook her head. "I think it really fits. It's a color she can grow up into, you know?"

"Yeah," Nick agreed, quite proud of his reasoning skills. Take that, parenthood. "And I think almost any furniture color would go with it."

In the end, Nick settled on three different color samples – the yellow he liked, another pastel yellow, but in a darker shade, and a lavender shade. Purple (even in it's lightest form) was a stretch, yes, but he couldn't help but try to match her favorite teddy bear.

The paint samples in his hand, Nick also grabbed a few paintbrushes and buckets to start, with a promise to return when he decided on a color. An image of his daughter's room was coming into focus. He couldn't say he'd ever been as excited about painting as he was now. Even standing in the check-out line, he had a huge smile plastered on his face.

_Do people whistle when they're happy like this? _

He really wasn't that good at whistling, but it felt like a fitting thing to do on the drive home.

Once Nick reached his house, supplies in hand, he pushed some of the leftover boxes out of the spare bedroom and started to set up to paint some of the colors. He laid a small tarp in the empty corner, picking up his first choice. He began to tear open the pouch for the brighter yellow, but pulled it just a _little_ too hard.

With a sickening squirt, the paint was forced out of the packet and left a stream right across his shirt.

"Ugh!" he groaned, dragging a finger across the line. It was a nice color, just not on his shirt. "Guess it's not gonna be _you_."

He tossed the packet down on the tarp, then proceeded to his bedroom to change.

Halfway there, though, he heard the buzz of his phone. He had to wipe the paint-covered finger on his jeans before he reached for the phone. When he finally picked it up, he not only noticed that it was an unfamiliar number, but that it had called him _four_ times in the past fifteen minutes.

Nothing good ever came out of calls like that.

Quickly, he pressed the button to answer.

"Hello?"

"Nick?" A frantic woman's voice on the other end asked. Where had he heard that before?

"Yes…" He confirmed, his heart hammering. Nothing good was going to come out of this; he could feel that much.

"This is Liz. Aly's teacher? We've been trying to get a hold of you and Jess for twenty minutes," she sighed, _almost_ sounding relieved. Almost. "Aly had an allergic reaction to something… Her hands got swollen… She didn't have any medicine with her, so we called an ambulance."

An _ambulance_? With _hospitals_ and _sick people_?

Nick had taken a lot in his life. A lot. _This_, though. Time started to slow, and the beat of his own heart rang in his ears. His insides were twisting menacingly. His hand gripped his phone tighter.

"Where is she?" He questioned, already halfway out the door.

"I'm with her. We're on our way to the hospital."

Nick was already in his car.

"I'll be there in ten."

* * *

**I know, I know, everyone hates a cliffhanger. BUT, you guys get the season premier tomorrow, so think about that and don't be too mad at me :)  
**

**Four more chapters to go! **


	21. Chapter 20

**So how about that premier guys? I need a gif with someone fainting that just says "I'M DONE," because that was my brain after I watched that episode. **

**I know I've said before that chapter 20 is my favorite... But it's actually 21. There's been a chapter added since I wrote that... :)**

* * *

Chapter 20  


Nick had to be thankful for his daughter's preschool teacher. She rattled out the hospital details before he had the chance to hang up in his panic, and he was halfway certain that he made it to his car in less than three steps. The drive was a blur; he was on edge of his seat for the first few minutes, clinging desperately to the steering wheel and resisting the urge to bear down even more on the accelerator.

There were even a few moments where he wasn't even sure that he was feeling or thinking _anything_. Nick didn't want to think about what he was about to walk in to... he _couldn't_ let himself think of how much could be wrong with her. Until he was out of the driver's seat, his eyes were locked on the road, channeling every ounce of strength that he had to get to the hospital safely.

He also tried to call Jess once he calmed down, but his attempts were halted unceremoniously. He knew that the school policy was to keep all phones left off and in desks, but Jess had never listened to that rule before she had moved out on him, so Nick could only assume her compliance was because she was still new in the district. In his haste, his next option worked.

She picked up in two rings.

"Nick?"

"Cece," he said quickly, "I really need you to get a hold of Jess, I -"

"What's wrong?" She then asked, the panic in his voice now leaking into hers.

"It's Aly," Nick responded, barely able to spit out her name. His next sentence came out so rushed, it was a wonder Cece managed to understand it. "She's had an allergic reaction, and they're taking her to the hospital and..."

"Nick. Calm down. Is Jess still at work?"

Cece was suddenly serious, her tone all business. It did wonders to slow the pounding in Nick's chest.

"Yeah, she won't pick up her phone."

Nick turned on his blinker, pulling his car into the parking lot marked for the ER.

"Then I'll take care of Jess," Cece suggested, "_You_ need to go take care of Aly."

Nick sighed. _I'm t__rying my best here._ "I'll try. Thanks, Cece."

She hung up without any further commentary. He didn't know exactly what Cece was going to do, but he trusted her. Not to mention, he wasn't finished with his phone just yet. Work was his next call, which was less of an issue as he crossed the parking lot. He was the owner, after all – he didn't exactly need to ask permission to take the night off for something like this.

Even if he wasn't the owner, he would refuse to take _no_ for an answer.

The call ended up going to voicemail, so he left an appropriate message and hung up as he clamored up to the entrance.

Once the glass doors slid open in their most painfully slow manner, he bounded up to the first receptionist he laid eyes on, ignoring the odd stares he received from a few of the people waiting in the lobby. Strangely enough, it appeared to be the same place that he'd gone to pick up Schmidt after his little jellyfish incident. The receptionist appeared just as unimpressed.

Nick wasn't going to take that this time around.

"My daughter was just brought in," he panted. "Her name's Allison Day and she's had – "

"Identification?" The woman asked, too calmly for Nick's liking.

He fumbled for his wallet, to get his driver's license, before coming to the heart-stopping conclusion that he'd left it at home. The blood drained from his face. _How could you be so stupid?_ In his rush, he'd just grabbed his keys and left.

The receptionist eyed his paint-stained shirt skeptically. "Sir, it's policy – "

"Just let me see her!" He groaned, curling his toes like Jess had taught him to do so long ago. "She looks like me," he pleaded, then motioned to right above his knees. "She's about this tall, dark hair, and the bluest eyes… But she frowns like _this_."

He pointed to his face. The receptionist wasn't having it. Just then, a voice piped up behind them.

"There you are!"

Liz appeared from a curtained off room towards the back. She motioned for Nick to follow, and he ignored the receptionist's attempts to stop him.

"He's okay, he's her father, and I can do the paperwork," Liz assured behind him as Nick made his way through the curtain.

Aly was propped up on a bed that was entirely too large for her, the stark white adult pillow almost swallowing her up. The cold metal railing of the temporary bed didn't do much to alleviate his worry, nor did the machines set up next to her. She was in a kid's hospital gown, and Nick found nothing happy about the knock-off Mickey Mouse smiling from the front.

She looked up at him, sniffing, and what he saw twisted his heart in a tight spiral.

Her hands were swollen past their typical toddler characteristic, her cheeks tinged red and her lips looked heavy and, in parts, bruised. He didn't know if the red eyes were from crying or from the allergy. At this point, he didn't care. They just _had_ to make it better.

Nick rushed to her side and smoothed back her hair. "What happened, sweetheart?" He asked softly. The seat beside her bed was far too cold.

"I ate a cookie," she lisped, sadly. Her answer, however weak, was laced with the kind of disappointment only a bad cookie could cause a toddler. He _did_ feel a slight lift of relief, given that she was awake and talking.

"You scared me," he replied, trying to pull her closer without disturbing the IV. She sniffled again, then gripped his hand a little tighter. "Does anything hurt?"

She frowned, poking her face with her free hand. "No. It just got tingly. But this did," she held out the little gauze patch taped on her hand where an IV ran under her skin.

"You're so brave," he responded, kissing the top of her hand, just above where the gauze ended.

A hand pulled the curtain back, and a nurse entered the room with tray. Nick had never liked needles, and the look of this tray made him relatively uncomfortable, even though he wasn't going to be the recipient.

He'd take it, though, if it meant Aly didn't have to.

"Looks like we're feeling better," the nurse smiled down at Aly, and she whimpered at the sight of the syringe.

"Just some more anti-inflammatory medicine," she explained. "It just goes in here," she held up a thicker part of the line where the IV led to the bag. "So no poking."

Still, Aly gripped Nick's hand as the nurse administered the liquid. Aly was looking away, clearly unconvinced that it wouldn't hurt.

"All done," the nurse coaxed gently, then looked at Nick. "The swelling should go down soon. She's got quite an allergy there. You're lucky that they caught it at the rash, and before her tongue or throat started swelling."

_Her throat could swell? _The thought caused Nick's own throat to constrict. Why hadn't they taken this more seriously? He'd read all the stuff online, he just never believed that it would happen to her so _soon_.

He wiped his forehead with his hand. "Do you know what could have caused it?"

The nurse shook her head; "I usually see this in peanut allergies. But if she were allergic, I would assume she would've had an episode before now."

"Hazelnuts," Nick breathed, reminded of Jess's warning on his very first night with Aly, and his recent conversation with Sam. _She's allergic to_ _hazelnuts_.

She'd never eaten one.

"I'm sorry?" The nurse asked.

"Hazelnuts," He repeated, then looked at Aly, "Did you not tell Miss Liz that you're allergic?"

Aly stared at him, wide-eyed. "Momma told me not to eat them. I didn't eat one!"

"I think the doctor will be able to help you more," the nurse explained, taking her chance to leave. "It's different with every child. It looks like she touched her face after she had it in her hands, and that would explain the swelling."

Nick sighed, and looked back at Aly. "Are you sure you didn't eat one? Did the cookie maybe have nuts in it?"

"No, Daddy, it didn't!" She shook her head, tears starting to form in her eyes. "It was just chocolate, but it was really spicy and it made my throat tingle…"

Nick delicately put an arm around her to calm her down.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, I'm not mad at you," he soothed. She whimpered a few more times, still too afraid of getting into trouble. They stayed that way momentarily, while Nick tried to hold back the fear of what she could have had such a reaction to. He never wanted to see her like that again.

The medication was helping her hands. Her fingers were starting back to their usual toddler thickness, but still maintained patches of red. Nick knew that her face would take a little longer to get the redness out of… And he'd take that. She was breathing, talking… So much better than what could've been.

There was a rustle on the other side of the curtain, this time producing a very official looking doctor, complete with white coat and clipboard in hand. He looked at Aly and gave her a warm smile.

"How're we feeling now, Aly?"

She looked up shyly. "Lots better."

"Good!" he exclaimed, tapping his pen on the sheet. He then looked at Nick. "Mr. Day?"

"Miller," Nick corrected. "But just call me Nick."

"Ah," the doctor nodded, "my mistake. I'm Dr. Fisher, I usually work up in pediatrics, but she had a severe enough reaction for them to call me down."

Before Nick could ask what this guy knew about Aly's reaction, the curtain was yanked back.

Time seemed to slow down for Nick as Jess stumbled into the room, her hair thrown up haphazardly and her purse swinging violently at her side. Her eyes were twice as large as he was used to seeing. It was apparent that she'd also been crying.

He stared at her carefully. Nick had long been familiar with Jess being upset, even when he wasn't the cause of it. He knew exactly how she liked to be comforted: an arm firmly around her waist, curled up by his side and his free hand resting on the soft curve of her cheek. This time around, though, everything was different.

Jess wasn't his, yet he knew that his heart would allow no one but Jess to settle it's shaken confidence.

"Aly," she sighed finally, relief washing over her features as she took in her daughter, awake. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, baby, I can't have my phone in class and…"

Jess looked between the doctor and Nick, exhaling the rest of the wind she'd built up. Nick noticed her shaking hands, so he stood up from his spot next to Aly's bed and motioned Jess over. He pulled up his own chair next to that.

She smiled weakly at him, before turning to Aly. She stroked Aly's hair back, tucking thin little strands behind her ears. When she was satisfied, Jess took a seat and pulled Aly's hand into her own. Nick shouldn't have noticed the way she also reached for his hand with her free hand, but he did for all the wrong reasons. Her small fingers slid between his and held on tight.

Four years hadn't changed the way their hands fit together.

"Sorry to interrupt," she told the doctor, snapping Nick back from his thoughts. "Do you have any information? Is she okay?"

Dr. Fisher waved off her apology, giving her a reassuring smile. "Aly's going to be fine. I think we need to do some allergy testing, to narrow down the – "

Liz took the chance to pop her head around the curtain. "One of the parents just called me. It was a _Nutella_ cookie!"

Jess's eyes widened, Nick let out a sigh, and Aly looked straight at her teacher.

"What's Nu-ella?" She tilted her head sideways.

"Hazlenuts," Nick muttered again. Dr. Fisher glanced at him and nodded.

"It's like chocolate peanut butter," Liz continued, explaining to Aly, "but instead of having peanuts, it has hazelnuts."

"_Oooh_!" Aly registered. Nick looked at Jess and gave her a weak smile. Her hands were still shaking, and she was still gripping his tightly.

"Well, that certainly helps my job," the doctor joked. Nick wasn't quite in the mood to laugh, but he smiled because he knew Jess was nowhere near that. Liz slid back out of the room, giving the group a bit more privacy.

"So," Dr. Fisher continued, "I would suggest we get her in with a specialist right away. They can get you two some information, do some tests, and have an official diagnosis out. We also need to narrow down exactly what she reacts to. She needs an EpiPen, at the very least."

Jess took a deep, shaky breath. "How bad was her reaction?"

"I've seen worse," he assured, "but it was still pretty severe for someone her age. There's a high likelihood that she could grow out of it. I can't make any promises, but we'll make sure to keep an eye on it as she grows up. For the time being, I would check the ingredients in the food you currently keep around the house. Keep anything with nuts - hazelnuts, peanuts, all of them - in it out of her reach... Just to be safe."

Nick shook his head, realizing that he didn't even know what was in the pantry at his house, let alone if it had any nuts in it. He knew for sure that he never even bothered to check what was in the things that he cooked. How close had they really come for this happening at home? Would he have even recognized what was happening? He didn't have much time to dwell on his own uncertainties, though, as he could still feel the tension Jess was holding onto. The least he could do was be strong for _her_.

"Will the swelling go down soon?" He asked, glancing at Aly. Her eyelids were clearly heavy, and he could tell by her quietness that she was fighting sleep. He caught Dr. Fisher's eye, and he nodded.

"Probably in a few hours. We'll keep her until it does, just to make sure we get it all flushed out of her system," he confirmed. "The medicine will probably leave her sleepy, too. So take it easy, and I'll keep checking in until we're sure she is good to go home."

Nick nodded, giving the doctor a quick thank you before he slipped out the door. Jess was still frozen in her seat when Liz came back in. Jess let go of Aly's hand as Liz bent down to hug her. Stuck oddly aside from the two women, Nick was keenly aware of how Jess was still gripping his hand, like she was trying to hold onto something stable. He could see that her eyes were glassy, staring straight ahead as Liz pulled away. Her face hadn't quite gotten its color back, either. Nick tried to give her hand a reassuring squeeze, but seemed to only make matters worse, as she abruptly let go and stood up.

Nick's heart sank as Jess's form continued to sink back into a cold hardness, as she took a moment to compose herself.

It clearly was not going very well.

"I need…" She said finally, her eyes flickering from Nick to Liz to Aly's sleeping form, frantically searching for words. "I just need to go to the bathroom."

Before the others had a chance to reply, she hustled out of the room. Nick was _sure_ he saw a tear slide down her cheek before she had turned away.

The curtain was still swaying from Jess's departure as Liz looked at Nick, wide-eyed and worried. He stood up, determined.

"Liz, I – "

"Go make sure she's okay," Liz spoke, walking to take the seat next to Aly. "I can hold down the fort for a little while."

"I don't want Aly to be – "

"Nick, I have your phone number. I will call if she needs anything, I _promise_." Liz looked at him straight in the eye, taking one of Aly's hands in her own. Aly then turned on her pillow, her eyelids fluttering open just so.

"Go get Momma," Aly mumbled, "I'm a…" she yawned. "…big girl... I'm not… _scared_…" She rolled over again, this time sighing contently as she closed her eyes.

Nick didn't need any further reassurances.

With a full heart from the most admirable three-year-old he knew, he grabbed his phone and left Aly with a lingering kiss on the forehead. He started out of the room, mindlessly taking a look in both directions. He _thought_ he saw the curtain swing right, so he darted down the hall in that direction. He wasn't going to let her go this time.

_Surely she hasn't gotten very far._

With the way they'd been acting lately, though, Nick didn't have much confidence that he'd feel closer to her even if she were sitting right next to him.

* * *

**Nick _actually_ going after Jess? What is this madness? **


	22. Chapter 21

**Here it is - my favorite chapter!**

**Newgirl78 (hopefully) already knows how awesome she is, because she's probably the best beta. Ever.**

**And, without further ado...**

* * *

Chapter 21

_When you're young, life's a dream  
It's a beautiful and a burning thing  
We grow up  
And then it's gone  
But the memory goes on and on and on and on…_

Jess didn't know where she was going when she left her daughter's makeshift hospital room, but it didn't take long for her to realize that she probably wouldn't make it there anyway.

When she rounded that last corner, all she really wanted was a bathroom for her to let the tears fall. She had just left her _child_ for her own stupid, selfish reasons, and _by_ _God_ she was going to find a place where nobody would judge her for it.

Not her parents, not Cece, not the doctor who told her things that she already _knew_ and had ignored for so long, and certainly not Nick Miller.

She bit down on her lip hard at his name.

It was then she spotted a door, where she made out the shadow of a tree branch through the tinted window.

_Well, that's about as good as it's gonna get._

She pushed with all of her might, her bleary eyes squeezing shut at the intense sunlight that greeted her face. From somewhere else in the garden, Jess heard the soft trickle of a fountain. When she collapsed onto the nearest bench, she could make out the inscriptions of a 'Memorial Garden' on the stone path snaking around the shrubbery.

People came to Memorial Gardens to cry, right?

_Too late._

She hugged her knees to her chest, pressing her face into the dark little crevice that she had created and just let go. The sobs came with merciless fury, letting out four years' worth of anxiety, stress and _guilt_.

_She_ had done this. What else had she expected when she came back to LA? Had she _really_ hoped that Nick would be a terrible father, if only to justify her actions? Even worse, why had she started hoping that the _second _she found out about Julia?

She had been so consumed with fear after she'd received the call from the school secretary that she hadn't even thought of Nick until she clamored into the hospital, only to see _him_ sitting at Aly's side, holding her hand and making it all better.

How long he had been there, she didn't know, but the sight was enough to realize exactly what she had been keeping from her daughter.

Nick was there when she _couldn't_ be.

"You've really messed this one up, Jess," she cried to herself.

The wind picked up and dried some of the moisture on her face, leaving sticky, salty trails in its wake.

"What have you messed up, Jess?" A masculine voice floated to her ears. She looked up, only to jump aside when she found a brown-eyed stare and realized that Nick was sitting right next to her.

When had he gotten there?

She sucked in a breath of air, shaking her head tightly. His eyes narrowed.

_Not now, Nick, not now. _She pleaded in her head.

"Go get back to Aly," she warned, pushing him away and trying to clear her throat. "She needs someone with her."

"She told me to come find you," Nick answered evenly... Annoyingly. "And, frankly, we're pretty worried about you."

Great, so she _had_ let Aly slip into her personal issues.

Life: 34,267, Jessica Day: 0.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," she replied finally, with as much self-control as she could muster. However, it still wasn't enough, and she felt the hot sting of tears prickle at her eyes. She tried to speak again, but it came out as some sort of pathetic squeak.

As embarrassed as she was, she bitterly remembered through her tears that Nick hated this kind of stuff, so if it got him to just _go away_, then she could finish her breakdown with a little bit of dignity.

"Yes, Jess," he rolled his eyes, "we _all_ know you don't want to talk to me. Cece knows, Aly's daycare teacher knows, and I'm pretty sure the _receptionist_ out there knows, but, by all means, keep - "

"Why can't you just listen to me for once?!" She cried, throwing her head back against the bench. "How can you be _so bad_ at that, and _still_ be better than me with Aly? I don't get it!"

"Jess, I listen to – " He froze. Jess was sure she heard something _click_ inside of his head. "Did you just say I was _better_ than you with Aly?"

His gaze was incredulous.

Jess squeezed her eyes shut, but couldn't block out the fresh wave of emotion pulling deep down in her heart. _Surely_ Nick knew. Surely Nick saw how Aly looked at him, how she loved him and looked up to him at every new moment. Surely… Surely he knew how Aly had asked for _him_ that night in Chicago, crying until the second that she was secure in her father's arms.

This time, the cries that bubbled from Jess's lips resonated throughout her entire body. She hated that she had to admit it. She hated that the first time she said it out loud, it was to _Nick_ of all people.

Then, to her utter surprise, she felt the warmth of Nick's arm press against her back as he pulled her entire form into his chest. As the smell of his cologne overpowered her stuffy nose, he put a hand against the back of her head, stroking her hair. The other arm stayed locked at her waist.

Her heart may have fluttered, too, but that only seemed to make matters worse.

What business did she have loving a man that was engaged? After all, _she_ had left _him_.

"Shh, Jess, it's okay…" He whispered. "Please, don't cry, Aly's okay, you shouldn't be upset…"

She looked up at him then, her stomach churning in anguish, and shook her head. "I _am_ upset, Nick," she breathed, but Nick didn't seem to hear that. He took his hand from the back of her head and cupped her cheek with it, wiping away the trails of each tear with his thumb. She continued, "You've been right all along. _I_ did this to both of you, and then this happens and you come to _save the day_ – "

"Whoa there," he chuckled, a little mirth twinkling in his eyes. "I wouldn't call my rush to the hospital 'saving the day.'"

She glared at him. "You know what I mean. You were here when I couldn't be, and I've kept her from that her entire life! I can't even imagine if this had happened in Portland…"

She squeaked out another cry then.

No, she definitely didn't want to think about that.

"But it didn't," Nick countered, tipping her chin back up so she could meet his stare. "And you're here now, so what does it matter?"

"Don't you see?" She pleaded, giving an unsuccessful attempt at pulling away. "I thought for all these years that I was doing you and Aly a favor, but that isn't the case. Not at _all_."

His eyes fell at her words, and she saw the longing that he had been trying to hide from her since she had come back. Because, she knew he'd give anything to relive those precious first years of Aly's life.

She closed her eyes, letting her confessions settle out once more. All of these secrets she'd kept for so long, and she felt like letting them out little by little would alleviate the ache that had settled into her heart. However, it seemed like the magnitude of this one was just too much for her weathered spirit to handle.

Nick recovered pretty quickly, clearing his throat. His palm was still softly holding her cheek, and she resisted the urge to sink into his grasp.

"Who said I would've been ready for that?" He spoke, an unnerving edge to his voice.

"You _love_ her, Nick," Jess replied, the air finally starting to fill her lungs again. "And she thinks the _world_ of you."

"I _do_ love her," he agreed quietly, with a gentle smile. Jess's heartbeat picked up at his gaze. "But I was barely better than a teenager four years ago. I know what I have to lose now, because I know what it's like to _not _have her around… But I just don't think I was _ready_…"

Jess chuckled darkly at this. "Neither was I, and Aly didn't turn out that screwed up. Well, not that I know of, anyway."

"I do remember," Nick mused, trying to keep the conversation light. "there was a time when you were _so_ concerned that all you had left in you were serial killers."

"I was, wasn't I?" She smiled weakly, picking at her happier memories where the two of them could simply joke about having children together. Had that really been four years ago? "If I remember right, you were more concerned over your burrito than my children."

"Hey," he held his hands up in defense, "One, that was before it was _mine_, and two, I did talk you out of letting Schmidt or Winston do the honors."

"_That_ didn't take much convincing," Jess snorted. She tried not to think of the time she almost slept with Schmidt. She winced.

_Gross_.

"No?" Nick asked, misinterpreting her wince. He tried to suppress a laugh. "I mean, I know I wasn't top of the list…"

He attempted to crack a smile, but Jess could only manage a bite down on her bottom lip. She shook her head in reassurance.

Out of all the mistakes that she had made, out of everything that she wished she could change about her days with Nick, she would never say that she regretted being with him. Even if she _knew_ she could go back and wait a little longer and still get Aly, she wasn't sure if she'd take it.

Her silence only seemed to worry him. "Jess, look, I do wish I hadn't missed out on all of that. It hurts… It hurts a lot. I think about it a lot. But – "

"I'm really sorry, Nick, you have to believe me," she interrupted, his confession causing her to blink back more tears. "I was so scared of losing her back then, so scared that she would no longer be mine. And then I find out your engaged and – "

"Jess."

" – so I went out on a date because I was _jealous_ enough that I wasn't going to give Aly the one thing I always wanted and – "

"Julia left, Jess."

" – I just didn't want to lose you like that."

There was an honest second on confusion as Jess saw a smirk play at Nick's lips.

_Why is he…_

And then his words hit her.

_Julia left, Jess._

Her head spun at those three words, like she was trying to lock in the sound so she could remember it forever and ever. She should have felt guilty. She should have been worried, but…

Julia was gone.

Which meant, Nick was…

She didn't even let herself finish the thought. She stared back at him, wide-eyed. Why was her heart racing?

He was still smirking. "You were… _Jealous_? Of _me_?"

Instantly, the heat that filled her cheeks should've been warning sign number one that she was in serious trouble. It was hard to maintain such a composer under the course of his gaze, even after knowing him for so long. If possible, the knowledge that he knew her _so well_ probably made the intention of her blush even _worse_.

But she also knew that there was a more pressing matter on the table.

"It was because of me," she replied, her voice a raw whisper. She didn't intend for it to be a question. There really wasn't much to ask in that regard.

He shrugged, answering anyway. "If by that, you mean that she left because of what happened in Chicago, then no."

That still didn't mean she was all clear, but he didn't have to say that. She knew.

"I'm sorry, Nick," she replied, like a reflex.

"Don't be, I'm okay." he smiled slowly. "I didn't love her, Jess. Not really." He gently tugged at her hair as he brushed it over her shoulder. "I've only ever truly been in love with one woman...and she's sitting next to me."

_Sitting next to him..._

She_ was sitting next to him. _

Jess blinked hard, trying to think of all the reasons why this might be a bad idea. After all, somewhere in the back of her mind, there was a lengthy list of why she had left in the first place. All she could think of in that moment, though, were the reasons why she had never stopped loving him.

"I'm the mother of your child Nick, you _have_ to - "

"Stop _right there_, Jess," he took her face in his hands, shutting up any response she could have mustered. "I can't even _begin_ tell you how much I love that little girl. How amazed I am _every single day_ that she's ours. But Aly is _not_ the only reason I want to be with you."

He brushed his thumb gently across her cheek, his fingers curling around into her hair. Somewhere along the way, cold, hard-hearted Nick Miller had learned to look at her with the most gentle of stares.

How could he still look at her like that, after all that they had been through?

His lips curled into a smile, and his voice came back lower than before.

"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met."

She laughed nervously and shook her head, almost forcing him to drop his hands. "I made so many mistakes, Nick. Mistakes I can't take back. I wish I could, I really, _really_ do... But I can't," She swallowed her, squeezing her eyelids closed as she willed the tears not to fall. "I just can't do this, knowing that we could be dragging Aly into something that is already broken, because I messed it up a long time ago."

"Jess," Nick placed a hand under her chin, coaxing her to raise her eyes to his. She took a deep breath as her eyelids fluttered open, finding his dark brown eyes staring into hers. How could so many years have separated them, yet the way he looked at her made her feel like they were back in the loft. Back to a time when everything seemed to make sense. "We both made mistakes. But that doesn't mean they haven't been forgiven... right?"

_Forgiven_. Could it really be that simple?

Heart still fluttering, she nodded slowly, and a smile broke across his face. They sat in that silence for a moment, the gentle breeze swirling around them as they both wondered how they had ended up like this. The tension had eased with Nick's words. Jess, even, felt the corners of her mouth tug up when Nick let out a low chuckle.

"So...I'm still _really_ curious about your, ah, _confession_," he smirked. "Jealous of me, huh? Care to elaborate on that?"

Jess felt herself quite visibly wince.

"Not right now," she muttered. She knew better than to use words like that around Nick. There was a chance he'd never forget that, either.

"Date left you wanting… _more_?"

If possible, the annoying grin broadened as the words left his lips.

She pushed away from him, but found it rather difficult to escape his grasp, as his arms were still locked tightly around her. Was he actually _enjoying_ this?

Her heart was having a hard time handling the warmth of his gaze.

"He just wasn't what I was looking for, okay?" She averted her eyes, pleading with him to talk about anything else. It wasn't exactly her proudest moment, that was for sure.

"Oh, come on, Jess, he's _totally_ up your alley," Nick joked. "You've dated doctors and businessmen and educators…"

"None of them were _you_," she replied before she could think about it.

Nick's eyes widened as her words sunk in. She knew that they sounded strange to him, because she was fully aware of how Nick viewed himself. Nick had spent the last half of his life thinking that he wasn't good enough for a lot of things, despite how Jess had tried so hard those last few months to change that.

He tilted his head to the side, his questioning gaze lingering on her face. The heat on her cheeks became almost unbearable.

"I mean," she corrected, hesitant to put all of her emotional baggage on the table, "all he wanted to talk about was how his ex wife was causing trouble and I think he thought I would have the same issues. But I _don't_, Nick. I don't have to worry about Aly when she's with you. He wasn't what I was looking for and I knew that before – "

She was cut off by the sensation of his lips crashing into hers.

He had pulled her forward, apparently throwing caution to the wind, and was kissing her in the broad daylight of a hospital garden. As his lips moved against hers, gently testing the waters, her hands found their way to his neck, where they had always fit just so.

She still knew right where she fit against him, too, remembering just how his stubble tickled her chin, or how he would break away every once in awhile to kiss her nose or the corners of her mouth. One of his hands fell to the small of her back, as the other pressed firmly against her cheek. He continued to guide her lips with his, and for the very first time in so long, she allowed herself to enjoy the taste of him.

Just as he took a deep, satisfied breath, Jess ran her hand down his shirt, stopping dead when she found a path of scratchy material.

She pulled away, only to notice her hand was now resting on a splatter of yellow across the center of his chest.

She gave him a look.

"Accident, didn't have time to change," he chuckled, leaning in to plant one of his soft, lingering kisses on her lips. "I'll explain later."

She chuckled, lightly leaning into his kiss. That was such a typical Nick thing to say.

"We should probably get back," Jess reminded, trying to hide ridiculous smile that wanted to pull across her face. "We've got a pretty incredible three-year-old to get back to."

At Aly's mention, Nick's gaze softened, giving Jess's stomach a reason to let loose about fifteen hundred butterflies. He let her untangle herself from his lap, and surprised her in the best way possible by offering his hand as she stood up. _When did Nick become so gentlemanly?_

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked, his arm still outstretched. With a content sigh, Jess nodded. She gladly took it, letting him lead her back to the emergency area. She didn't bother asking where their feelings were going to take them. She didn't think about it, because they had a lifetime to figure that out.

She'd taken all of the time that she needed to get herself together. Right now, she had a little girl to attend to.

* * *

They'd only been gone about twenty minutes, and Aly was (thankfully) still sleeping soundly when Nick opened the curtain for Jess to enter.

She saw Liz – her hero of the day – rifling a few stacks of paper at one of the chairs beside Aly's bed.

When she spotted them, she immediately got up and ushered the pair to their chair.

"Here's some more of the insurance forms," Liz said, handing Jess the stack. "I didn't have all of the information with me, so there's still some parts that need to be filled out."

"Thank you," Jess replied, honestly. "She's lucky to have such a great teacher."

Nick nodded in agreement.

"Oh, it's my job," Liz shook off with a wave of her hand. "And I expect her back on Monday, ready to start a _fantastic_ week of show and tell."

Jess chuckled, but felt the need to pull the woman into a hug, because everyone deserved a hug every now and then, _especially_ a particularly awesome teacher who put up with fifteen three-year-olds on a daily basis.

"We really can't thank you enough," Jess spoke, unsure how to say a thank you that reflected how truly grateful she was. "Do you need a ride home?"

Liz pulled away and shook her head. "My husband's outside, so I'll be heading out."

"Really, Liz, _thank you_," Jess stressed. The woman only chuckled, waving her hand like it was _no big deal_ as she made her way out the door. Jess shook her head, returning to the seat next to Nick as soon as they were alone.

She looked at Aly's face, which had started to return to its usual skin tone. Her mouth was slightly ajar – the sign of a very nice rest ahead – and Jess brushed a few strands of fine hair behind her ear. She felt Nick's hand find her arm and gave her a few reassuring strokes.

"She looks like you when you sleep," he whispered with a chuckle as she took a sheet and wiped a bit of slobber from the corners of Aly's mouth.

She swatted him. "She is knocked out on some intense antihistamines right now. And, for the record, I do _not_ sleep with my mouth open."

His smile was genuinely irritating. And, what was worse, Jess knew somewhere inside of her that he was _right_.

"Oh, I'd beg to differ, Ms. Day," Nick quipped with his annoyingly certain tone.

"Shut up, Nick!" She replied in a hushed voice, pushing him back. His response was just to pull her closer and press his lips gently to her forehead.

"Mmhmm, whatever you say," he prompted, lingering above her for just a second.

She glared up at him.

There was a small giggle from down below.

Jess snapped out of her trance, kneeling down to see Aly's eyes fluttering open. A weak smile played on her features, sending a wave of relief through Jess.

Aly swallowed a few times, yawning only once, staring between Jess and Nick as she gained her voice back, her smile still evident. Jess pulled a small cup of water from beside her bed and held it to her so she could take a few controlled sips.

Jess didn't bother to ask Aly any questions, knowing that she still must be groggy, and felt it was best not to push her on the talking. Nick's arm wound around Jess's waist as he wordlessly watched the scene.

"So…" Aly began, looking at Nick, her voice stronger than it had been before she went to sleep, "does this mean you're not gonna marry Julia anymore?"

Jess could feel her eyes go wide, and tried to decide how to tell her daughter not to be so _forward_, but as gently as possible, as the poor girl had already endured a pretty rough day.

Nick, however, didn't seem fazed this time around. "No, sweetheart," he smiled down, "I'm not."

Even though Aly still had a little bit of swelling to go down, and even though she was still dressed in an awfully grim looking hospital gown, her smile became absolutely radiant as Nick pulled Jess closer to his side. Jess could almost feel her heart constrict at the girl's unabashed _joy_.

What was even worse was that Jess knew _exactly_ how she felt. Or, she had a pretty good idea, anyway. She'd spent the better part of her twenties wishing for that moment with her very own parents.

Jess took Aly's hand and leaned in closer to Nick.

For now, this was enough.

* * *

**Two more chapters, guys!**


	23. Chapter 22

**The delay in updating was my fault completely. I _may_ have had three tests this week, and celebrated a little _too_ hard on Friday night. Whoops. **

**How is it possible that this is my next to last update? Crazy, I tell you. Thank you all for the fabulous support - I will surely cry before I post the next (and last) chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 22

Aly was released from the hospital late that night, with a prescription for some additional allergy medication and an appointment with a specialist the following Wednesday. Per the policy, they wanted Aly to leave in a wheelchair. She wouldn't go alone, so Jess ended up sitting down and holding her in her lap while they were wheeled out to the car.

While Aly had been in and out of sleep while the nurses kept tabs on her, Nick found it harder and harder in those quiet moments to push the feel of Jess's lips on his out of his head. A few bashful glances and shared smiles with Jess indicated that she, too, was processing what they had just done.

Watching Jess hold Aly as the nurse wheeled them to the car had it's own melting effect on Nick's heart.

"You're a lot bigger now than the last time I did this," Jess chuckled, holding Aly close to her chest. "And _I'm_ a lot less sore." Nick put a hand on her shoulder, walking casually by their side.

"I guess it's never too late to play catch-up," he joked, and Jess smiled. Aly was still too groggy to say much as they all piled into Jess's car. Nick took the opportunity to drive, since Cece and Schmidt had offered to get Nick's car home while they waited for Aly's release.

They'd also returned to the hospital with an overnight bag of Nick's clothes – so he wouldn't have to leave _his girls_ tonight – then left Aly with a balloon with a card that promised a frozen yogurt run when she was feeling better. He'd never been more thankful for his friends than in that moment. After everything that their two closest friends had been through over the years, they still found time to treat Aly like she was family.

The drive home from the hospital was silent, but not awkwardly so. Jess was situated in the back, as close to Aly as the child's carseat would allow. Nick could see the exhaustion in her body, from the way her free hand hung limply on her lap, to the way her eyelids fell as the car slid to a stop. Nick was sure he didn't look much different.

Still, as they reached her apartment, he was able to get a weak smile out of Jess when he offered to carry Aly up the stairs.

He had never really noticed how small their daughter felt in his arms. Even wrapped up in her favorite fleece blanket, she was weightless to him, fitting perfectly in his arms. Her face was almost back to normal, despite a lasting purple hue under her right eye. One of the nurses said she must have rubbed it with cookie crumbs still on her hand.

"I hope that doesn't turn into a black eye," Jess whispered as they got to the door. Nick shrugged.

"Leave it to our daughter to get a black eye from a cookie."

Jess gave him a tired – yet very satisfying – laugh, and they proceeded to tuck Aly back into bed. Although Aly's school clothes had been returned before they left the hospital, they instead decided to put her in an extra pair of pajamas that Jess kept in her car.

With very little effort, they had their toddler snuggled between the sheets and off to sleep with a few hummed chords of her favorite lullaby. It took a few minutes for the pair to will themselves to move, and when Jess finally turned around, she didn't go very far.

"Jess, go to _your_ bed," Nick warned quietly as he spied Jess cozy up on the floor, right against Aly's nightstand.

"She's going to wake up and get scared," Jess whispered, "and I'm _not_ going to be in the other room when that happens."

Nick sighed in defeat, resigning to the fact that Jess was right. He got up to get a change of clothes, and once he was done, grabbed some pillows and a quilt for Jess. No way was she sleeping against a wall all night. Not while he was around, anyway. He slipped back into Aly's room with the bedding, and was also able to convince Jess to go change into pajamas. No reason to wear her teacher clothes to bed.

By the time she returned, he'd set up a little corner for them. He sat against a pillow and the dresser, laying another pillow across his chest, right where she belonged. Jess, too tired to argue, gladly took her spot.

Nick pulled the blanket above the two of them, letting his hands run slowly down her pajamas until they settled at the curve of her waist. She sighed, content, burrowing deeper into his embrace. He could smell the perfume that still lingered on her skin.

He allowed himself a sleepy smile.

They didn't talk about what exactly they were doing or where their relationship was going. That would come later. Right then, they were there to be Aly's parents, and whatever that entailed for the night. It seemed they had come to that mutual understanding as they drifted off to sleep. Nick did, however, pull Jess just that much closer before he closed his eyes.

* * *

True to Jess's word, Aly did wake up a few times, asking for things like a glass of water, or just close company. Nick and Jess took turns, finding their rhythm around six AM. This continued for a few more hours; just until they were both convinced she was strong enough to get up (she started getting antsy for it by ten).

A lazy Saturday filled with cartoon watching and napping seemed to loom ahead, and they spent their first few hours indulging in cereal and a healthy dose of morning TV.

There was a knock at the door shortly after lunch. Nick went to answer it, as Jess had taken the opportunity to take a shower while Aly napped on the couch. It floored him how simply domestic everything already was.

Nick pulled open the door.

His immediate impression of the couple that stood on the doorstep was that of typical American suburb-dwellers – the woman was young and brunette, wearing a summer dress with a headband in her hair and holding a casserole dish. The man, also young, wore a polo and a pair of cargo shorts, glancing nervously between Nick and the number on the door.

"Hello?" Nick asked, curious as to who such visitors could be and why exactly they were at Jess's apartment, of all places.

"Is this where Aly lives?"

Nick immediately glanced down at the sound of a child's voice, to meet the worried stare of a little boy around Aly's age. He couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, she's here," he told the boy, thinking of her snoring form on the couch, "but she had a pretty rough day yesterday and – "

"That's why we're here," the woman spoke up. Nick looked back at her, surprised to see genuine worry etched in her face. "Our son is in Aly's class… And I think he shared his snack with her yesterday." Her eyes were downcast… guilty.

Nick opened his mouth to reply – although with what, he wasn't sure – only to be shut out.

"Melissa?"

Nick whipped around to find Jess standing in the living room, her dripping hair piled on top of her head. It looked like she'd thrown on a t-shirt and some shorts when she realized people were at the door.

"Oh, Jess," the woman (Melissa, Nick assumed) replied, much more at ease, "I'm so sorry about this, I feel _awful_ – "

Nick moved out of the way, beckoning the family in as Jess assured Melissa that it was not her fault. Nick tried to follow the blabbering that ensued, but found himself awkwardly standing by the man that he decided was the boy's father and, presumably, Melissa's husband. He tried not to make that assumption, though, as he and Jess had been _far_ from that fact until just last night.

"From what I gather," the man said to Nick, "Aly ate part of the cookie that my son brought for snack yesterday. He's on a gluten-free diet, so we usually pack his own snack. My wife bakes cookies for him on Friday, and the only thing that makes gluten-free cookies taste good for him is Nutella."

"Oh," Nick replied, not exactly sure how to respond. The irony was definitely there. As a business owner, though, he found a good go-to, holding out his hand. "I'm Nick, by the way. Aly's dad."

It felt pretty good to say that.

_No big deal, I'm only Aly's dad._

"Daniel," the man replied, taking the handshake. "Noah's dad."

Before they could get another word out, Melissa seemed to notice that the little boy, Noah, was climbing onto the couch next to Aly. Nick hadn't noticed this before, but he was holding a book that he sat gently next to Aly before shaking her awake.

"Noah, don't wake her up!" Melissa chided, but it was too late. Aly's eyes slowly opened, focusing first on the crowd huddled by the doorway, then glancing over to her friend.

"I'm sorry my cookie made you sick," Noah apologized, with the kind of sincere concern that Nick would've been impressed with coming from an adult.

"It's okay," Aly replied, pulling the book close. "I got an ouchie, though." She stuck out her hand, bandaged where the IV hand been put in.

Melissa took this chance to go over to the couch and give Aly a hug, assuring her that she was so brave for going through all of that. Daniel joined them a second later, leaving Nick and Jess stand off to the side while Aly recounted her suddenly long (and quite embellished) hospital story.

They weren't going to correct her this time. She deserved a little bit of extra attention from what she had been through, and it was encouraging to see her in such high spirits.

Jess sighed.

"I met Melissa at meet the teacher a few weeks back," she began, her lips close to Nick's ear. "She said that Aly has really helped Noah come out of his shell."

Nick chuckled, leaning down to her ear. "Sounds like a familiar story."

Jess's eyes flickered to his briefly, sparking a smile. If only she _knew_ how her sunlight was just what his cloudy day needed all those years ago.

Feeling forward, Nick put his arm around her waist. She sunk into his grip, and Nick was allowed to momentarily enjoy how her curves fit perfectly against him. However, the moment was short-lived, as the smile on her face as she watched the toddlers interact was entirely too insinuating for Nick's comfort zone.

"Please don't tell me," he began, keeping his voice low "that you actually _like_ the idea of our daughter – who, might I remind you, is barely turning four in July – being friends with a boy who basically gave her a poisonous cookie."

This time, Nick was prepared Jess's scoff. "It was an honest mistake, and look at how _cute_ they are! I've been thinking about setting up a play date for _weeks_ – "

"There will be no use of the word 'date,'" Nick looked at her, "around here until the time she is thirty. And even then…"

Jess swatted his arm. "Nicholas Miller! Their names are _Aly_ and _Noah_. Can you ask for a better match?"

"I don't want to know where you're going with this," he groaned, his suspicions from the hardware store almost confirmed. Their daughter was _three years old_, and Jess was here entertaining the idea of a life-long romance…

"All I'm saying," she continued, "is that they are already good friends. With the names shared by one of the _greatest_ love stories ever – "

This time, Nick's groan was loud. He had finally made the connection to a certain cry-your-eyes-out movie, and it made him even _less_ comfortable thinking about the situation.

Melissa and Daniel looked up from their spot on the couch, concerned by Nick's sudden outburst. Jess muffled a giggle, lightening the mood. The distraction was just long enough that, by the time they all turned their attention back to Aly, she was dozing off again on the arm of the couch.

The family took this chance to get up, prying Noah away with promises to arrange some play _time_ (Nick refused to associate the word _date_ with it) later that week. The little boy said a shy goodbye to Nick, with hugs, another apology, and a final handshake coming from his parents. The casserole dish was stuffed with homemade (Nutella free) chocolate chip cookies.

Aly barely made it through the goodbyes before she was curled back up against the arm of the couch, hugging the new picture book to her chest. Jess wordlessly went to the TV and put a nearby DVD in, then returned to Aly to whisper something in her ear. Aly smiled groggily up at her. Nick took in the entire scene, his heart swelling more and more with each passing second, until he felt Jess lightly grasp his arm and pull him back into her room.

He raised his eyebrows as she shut the door, half of him hoping that her mind was going right along with his, and the other half still riding the high of the wild ride he had endured over the past 24 hours.

Nick's eyes continued to follow Jess until she casually took a seat on the edge of her bed, patting the spot right next to her. Out of sheer curiosity, Nick played along and took a seat, almost identical to the night she'd brought him there to tell him about Aly for the first time.

_Man, how things changed since then. _

"Before she wakes up again," Jess started, "and before anyone else drops by, I just wanted to really thank you for everything, now that we're almost out of the clear," her smiled widened. "You know, a proper thank you."

"Uh, you're welcome?" Nick replied, only to be silenced by Jess's lips pressing quickly into his. She pressed the length of her chest against him, pulling for more. Although unexpected, he responded in a way that echoed her forward manner, his hands sliding from the exposed skin of her neck to the slight curve around her ear.

"Whoa," he muttered, pulling away, his laugh reverberating from somewhere deep in his chest. "Where is _this_ coming from?"

Those crazy wide blue eyes looked back up at him. Her breath tickled his skin.

"From the Jess that hasn't been kissed like that in a _long_ time," she teased, tugging at the front of his shirt, beckoning his response. He felt the top button come open as her skillful fingers worked their magic, and Nick was finding it difficult to resist pulling at the hem of her t-shirt. The scent of her shampoo, still clinging to her damp hair, was difficult to resist.

"Should we really be doing this with Aly in the other room?" Nick hesitated, instantly annoyed at his own concern. Here he was with _Jess_, sitting in front of him, _pulling_ at him, and he chose this very opportunity to _think_?

She sighed dramatically and shook her head. "Nicholas, you will soon learn to never question the quiet time bought by a movie and a sleepy kid."

He could feel himself laugh, following her as they flopped back on the bed. His free hand traced a path down her waist. The way her eyes widened, combined with the irresistible pull of her smile, gave Nick little need for any further convincing.

"How long do we have?"

Jess giggled. "Well, the movie is an hour and forty-seven minutes long, and with previews, we - "

He cut her off by grabbing her hand and kissing her with every ounce of pent-up desire that he'd held back the past few months. He pushed a few curls back from her cheek, running his nose along her jaw until he reached her ear. She gripped the front of his shirt a little tighter as he breathed in to whisper into it.

"I can work with that."

* * *

For one hour and thirty-eight minutes, they allowed themselves to rediscover exactly what made them Nick and Jess. Where their relationship had started in a flurry of passion and simply not thinking about the consequences, they seemed to recognize that they had so much more to lose this time.

So, they took their time, savoring every precious moment.

Nick knew, though, that their time alone was coming to a halt when he noticed between kisses that Jess was humming along to the end credits of the movie. He kissed her for one last, fleeting second.

This assurance didn't stop Jess from groaning loudly when Nick got up to retrieve his clothes, but unlike four years ago, she released him to go. Nick smirked as he tossed her shirt back at her. She stuck her tongue out at him. If his heart wasn't still beating madly from her touch, he would've probably done the same back to her.

They didn't need to say a lot. Their time together said more than Nick could ever muster, anyway.

Beneath all of the changes, and around all of the things that had pulled them apart, he knew nothing would really ever change how Jessica Day could make him feel like he was on top of the world. He watched as Jess started to get dressed again, sifting through the pile they'd left at the end of the bed for her things. He felt her sneak a few gazes at him as he finished pulling on his undershirt. He reached for the spot where his shirt was, only to discover that it had already been taken.

"Hey!" He complained, leaning back into her as she buttoned the last button. "You already have a shirt."

She only smirked again, her eyes bright, then ran a finger across his undershirt. "Well, so do you."

"But that's my shirt."

"And if you want it so bad, come get it."

Nick tried to manage a turtle face, but didn't get very far before chuckling. A few bunches of fabric rested at her elbows, reminding him of the thin layers that now separated their bodies. Did she know what the sight of her in his shirt did to him?

"Nah, keep it. It looks good on ya."

She pouted. Clearly, that's not what she wanted him to do. When had _he_ suddenly become the mature, time-conscious one?

"Hey," he said, this time much softer, stretching out next to her, "we've got plenty of time for that. Promise."

"Do we?" She replied, a small hint of doubt lacing her voice. She flopped back onto the pillows. "This isn't just some weird dream where I'll wake up by myself to a screaming newborn?"

He chuckled, leaning down on his elbow. "Not unless I'm dreaming, too."

Jess turned her head to him then, drawing her hand slowly to comb through his hair. He closed his eyes at her touch, enjoying a feeling that hadn't been there in far too long.

"What are we going to do, Nick?" Jess then questioned as Nick opened his eyes, her own eyes wide with concern. "What if we end up like last time?"

He would've laughed at how it was a _little too late_ for that kind of question, but the seriousness in her eyes was enough to give him a reason not to.

"That won't happen," he assured, rolling to put his arm around her waist. She relaxed into his grip, her fingers still tracing circles in his hair. He very gently touched his lips to hers. "Not like that, anyway."

"But what if we come out of this hating each other?"

He considered this, then laughed. "We already hate each other half of the time. Otherwise, why can't we act like adults? _I_ think we've done a pretty good job with Aly so far."

"Aly," Jess breathed, her eyes distant. "She's a pretty amazing kid."

"She's got some pretty amazing genetics."

They shared a quiet laugh at this, content where they were, despite the dynamic energy still humming between their bodies. Nick pulled her against him, hugging her like he never wanted to let go.

"It's good to have you back, Jess," he murmured. His body had chosen that this was a nice time to remind him that he was running off of two-hour sleep intervals. Jess was apparently feeling the same, as her breathing came to a content sigh.

"Back for what?" She asked lazily.

"With me." Nick knew she couldn't see it, but he was smiling anyway.

"Am I?" She pulled back to meet his gaze, "Back with you, that is."

"Only if you'll have me."

Her smile was dazzling, not requiring an answer. He brought his lips down to hers, much softer this time, and she relaxed into his chest. If Nick weren't running off of such little rest, he would've laid back and simply savored such a moment with her. However, as it was, they were starting to nod off again.

"We'll go slow this time," Jess tried to explain through a yawn. "No funny business… We'll ease the idea on Aly… Take a few months to… you know…" another yawn, "plan things out."

"Yeah, yeah," Nick agreed, only half listening through his own yawn. "Slow. Easy. Got it."

Jess chuckled into his chest one last time before becoming silent, Nick's body not far behind. As his muscles relaxed into the throes of sleep, the bedroom door creaked slowly open. Things were too hazy for Nick to respond, so as a small weight wiggled its way in between them, his body automatically adjusted to fit her, like she belonged in the little spot between him and Jess.

Maybe their relationship _had_ been missing something before, just not in the way they expected.

Four months ago, he had been determined to marry someone who had to be considered such a steal for a guy like him. By the time he'd been given a second shot at her, though, he'd already had a small taste of what love really was, and in the same relationship merely _settled_ for what he thought was good for him.

Then, a little girl by the name of Allison Cora Day came along and changed the entire game plan, showing him what true, unwavering love really was. She'd even led him back to a certain blue-eyed princess in the short time that he had known her. How could two people, so small in their very own ways, hold so much of his heart?

As sleep finally began to overtake Nick, the words to a tried and true lullaby very close to his heart played in the back of his mind. _Take the keys to my car and the keys to my heart, and just drive..._ He hugged his girls closer.

He and Jess may not have it all figured out just yet. They may not always set the best examples for Aly. They may even truly hate each other sometimes. There were plenty of things that they still had to learn.

But they had a lot going for them, and it would all come back with time.

It always did.

* * *

**Of course, Newgirl78 deserves another HUGE round of applause for her contributions to this chapter! I don't know where this story would have ended up without her help. And, if you're itching for a good read, check out her newest story "A Rolling Die." It's gonna be a good one!  
**

**Thanks again everyone, and I'll be posting the Epilogue sometime during the next week! **


	24. Epilogue

**...How about that college football scoreboard this weekend? Crazy, I tell you. **

**Definitely bittersweet to get to this point - and I would like to thank a second to thank EVERYONE for their tremendous support over this story. It's been a great ride, and I can't believe that when I posted this in June, I was just hoping to get a few people who were willing to critique it. **

**This story wouldn't be half of what it is without the wonderful help of Newgirl78. She is far and away the best beta that I have ever worked with, and she's a pretty amazing writer. Cannot thank her enough! **

**So, here we go... The last one! Enjoy! (virtual cookies to whoever gets what New Girl episode a certain boy's name is referenced in)  
**

* * *

Epilogue - _Twelve Years Later_

"_Allison Miller!"_

The words flew out of his mouth in the most parental fashion that Nick Miller could muster. A few faces on the sidewalk gave him a sideways glance, along with some on the nearby beach, but otherwise ignored his calling. The late-afternoon sun beat down on the back of his neck and he shaded his eyes as he glanced around the boardwalk.

None of them were faces he was looking for, though, so he continued on.

_How big could this beach be, anyway?_

There was a time when he would've looked at parents doing the exact same thing with a shake of his head, hugging his well-behaved little girl close. Always conscious of getting in trouble, Aly was never the one to be late or otherwise devious. However, that all had changed as of late, in what appeared to be her attempts at being a teenager.

"She's around here somewhere."

A delicate hand fell upon his shoulder, and bright blue eyes found his as he turned around. Twelve years together, and those eyes still had a way of turning his willpower to putty.

"I have a feeling she's ignoring me," he complained.

His wife only smiled. "Maybe she forgot that's her name again?"

"That has been her name for nearly three times as long as Allison Day was," he rolled his eyes. Though, it was hard to fight the smile at the memory.

When his four-year-old had discovered that her mother's name would change upon marriage, she had decided that she was _not_ going to be the odd one out. Her forwardness had been so cute at the time.

Now, as a teenager, it had a tendency to be downright irritating.

It had taken the better part of a year to make her new name official, but it did change, and Allison Miller was legally her name. Last week, however, she had pulled a similar disappearing act at the mall and in a moment of 'caught-off-guard' excuse generating, had decided that forgetting her last name had changed was a good one.

It probably had something to do with the fact that she was both a teenager and the child of the worst liar on the planet.

"Nick, she is sixteen years old today," Jess replied, her hand finding his. "She doesn't have to meet us, you know."

Sixteen.

There was no way his little Aly was _sixteen_.

"Jess, this has been a _family thing_ since you guys came back," he sighed, setting the beach bag down on an empty patch of sand. "Just a little hard to give up."

"I know," Jess answered simply, spreading a few towels out and pulling Nick down with her when she was done. He dropped their cooler in the center to hold the towels down. "But it's her birthday, and – "

"Aly!"

Just as Jess was finishing, Nick spotted a familiar bundle of curls, bouncing down the beach in…

_Well, then. _

What in the _world_ was she wearing?

The girl turned around, where blue eyes met brown, and she instantly ducked behind her friend. He could see her adjust her sunglasses from behind the other girl, and Nick had half a mind to go snatch her up before anyone else _saw_ her in that.

"Don't embarrass her, Nick," Jess warned, placing a hand on his arm.

"You can't seriously be okay with this!" Nick pulled against her, watching their daughter reluctantly trudge to them, a towel now wrapped around her body.

She was taller than Jess, but only by an inch or so. She had grown out of the baby face and chubby limbs, which had been replaced with the slim figure of her mother after a few years as an awkward preteen. As she got older, though, Nick saw a lot of himself in her face.

Especially now, as her glare borderlined a turtle-face.

"I told you I'd call when we were done playing volleyball," she began, throwing an arm out for more dramatic effect. "You don't have to call me out in front of the whole beach!"

"You sure looked done to me," Nick commented, eying the group she was with, while Jess elbowed him. "And who exactly gave you permission to wear that swimsuit? You may be sixteen, but you're _not_ old enough for that."

She stiffened, hugging her towel close. He could still see ties for the top tied around her neck, his eyes narrowing. After a moment, though, Aly looked at Jess (who had remained remarkably quiet), then back at Nick.

"Mom told me it looked _fine_."

Nick snapped his head over to his wife, a sheepish smile playing at her lips. "It looks cute, Nick. Teal is a nice color on her."

"That's asking every boy on the beach to look her way!" He gaped.

"It's not _that_ bad!" Aly defended, still clutching tightly to her towel.

"Is the strap three fingers thick?"

"That's a stupid rule!"

Nick looked at Jess for some guidance, but she only shrugged. "It _is_ kind of impossible to find swimsuits with a strap like that."

He buried his head in his hands, defeated. When he pictured it again, he knew that it could be worse. There were no string-y strings involved, and he had to be thankful for that. Grumbling, he looked up to find Aly's gaze.

"Fine, go have fun," he muttered. Aly, however, just stood there, biting her lip. Nick shook his head. "Are you going to give me time to change my mind?"

Her eyes widened, flickering between her parents. Jess laughed.

"I wouldn't test his patience."

Finally, Aly broke into a wide grin and threw her arms around Nick's neck.

"I promise I'll be careful!" She ensured, hugging him closer. He reciprocated, taking in the salty scent that lingered in her hair. The days with hugs like this were numbered… and he couldn't let a single one escape him.

The moment ended entirely too quickly, and she pulled away with another grin. Jess handed her a bottle of water, and Nick watched as mother and daughter shared a quick, but knowing, smile.

Somehow, he knew that Jess had assured Aly that he would concede to her choice of swimwear.

She knew him entirely too well.

"No funny business!" He called as Aly started to run off, and she turned only to check and make sure none of her friends were close by.

"_Dad_!" She shook her head, and continued to track down the beach to a group of teenagers. He recognized the light hair and lanky figure of one of those waiting and he groaned.

"Noah will keep her in line," Jess assured, running a hand down his arm. "He's always been the voice of reason."

"He's one of the one's I'm concerned about as of late," his eyes narrowed again as the group walked out of sight. Aly's closest friend had been oddly formal to him lately, and Nick knew that there were very, _very_ few things that it could mean.

"You worry too much," Jess chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. Nick tried to respond, but Jess stood up abruptly and ran off somewhere behind him. He assumed she'd seen a student's family or something, and Nick tried to avoid those kind of situations as much as he could.

"Guess I'm gonna end up alone tonight," he grumbled, grabbing a handful of sand.

"No, you won't!"

A solid body knocked into his side, throwing him slightly off balance, and Nick felt a small smile tug at his lips.

"Oh, I guess you're here to change that, huh, Mason?" He raised an eyebrow to stare back into another pair of brown eyes.

The boy snickered. "Yup, Dad!"

"So how was practice?" He asked, and Mason launched into his personal form of ten-year-old storytelling. He was usually better at listening in, but over the years, Nick's attention span had waned, and he had all but given up on trying to learn soccer lingo. It just didn't seem like it was meant for him to understand it. Not to mention, Jess had always been the better listener.

Nick glanced at the soccer ball tucked beneath Mason's arm, then craned his neck to stare in the direction Jess had run off to. Closer to the water, he caught Schmidt and Cece's setup. They usually went all out for these kind of things – the umbrella, beach chairs and the tanning oil.

There was a point in time where Nick would've prided himself with having the best _alcohol_, but he'd had to clean up some stuff in recent years to set a good example for a certain blue-eyed teenager. It was a difficult feat, considering his income came from the one thing that he was trying to keep Aly (and eventually Mason) away from as long as possible.

Nick's eyes flickered back to his wife.

Jess was still over by Schmidt and Cece, chatting happily with her oldest friend. Schmidt caught Nick's eye and sent him a knowing smile. Nick nodded in response as Schmidt put his arm around a tan fourteen-year-old, still dressed in her soccer uniform. Mason usually got rides from Schmidt and Cece on days when he or Jess couldn't make it, and they did likewise with Eden, Cece and Schmidt's daughter.

She wasn't their biological daughter, but nobody ever knew. Schmidt had never seemed to care, anyway. In every way but blood, she was Cece and Schmidt's. Their families did a lot together – as they had been through a lot together – but the Fourth of July was a holiday usually reserved for family time on both sides.

The Fourth had little significance to Cece and Schmidt, but they needed their alone time, too. Twelve years ago, they'd gotten a call on Thanksgiving about a foster child in desperate need of placement. The social worker didn't want the little girl to get stuck in the system, because she was at a delicate age where most couples would turn her away because she wasn't a baby.

They'd agreed to take her conditionally, as they were in no way prepared to take on a girl that was nearly two. Eden, however, fell asleep in Schmidt's arms her very first night there, and the rest was history.

"… and I _scored_, can you _believe_… _DAD_!"

A hand waved in front of his face. He turned back to see Mason frowning at him.

"Are you not listening _again_?"

Nick smiled sheepishly, seeing Jess approach out of the corner of his eye. "What can I say, your mother is so _gorgeous_, I can't focus sometimes."

Mason snorted. "Gross, Dad. Ew."

"What about me?" Jess asked, taking a seat on Mason's other side. "Is your father trying to suck up again?"

"Is it working?" Nick asked, his voice low.

Jess leaned over Mason's head and pressed her lips to Nick's. He responded with gentle pressure, knowing that the older he (and his kids) got, the less appropriate it was to fully respond like he wanted to in public.

"_Ughh_!" Mason groaned, falling back onto the towels and covering his eyes with his hands.

"One day," Nick murmured, his face still inches from Jess's, "you'll understand _why_ I do this."

"Doubtful," Mason replied, and Jess gave Nick one last longing look before turning to help her son up. He looked at her skeptically as she pulled on his shoulders, muttering something along the lines of _"only if you guys are done."_

The sun was starting to set, and Nick took a sip from his ever-so disappointing soda. Jess had her arm around Mason, and was humming a tune that Nick couldn't quite make out. He took another drink, putting on a sour face when he knew Jess was looking.

"Oh!" She replied with a laugh, reaching for the cooler, "Schmidt brought something for you and I completely forgot to give it to you."

She dug around in the ice, then pulled out a plastic bottle filled with more soda. The label was torn off, and clearly opened, giving Nick the urge to make a face. She handed it to him and he gave her another questioning look as his fingers curled around the sides.

"Just trust him," Jess laughed into his ear.

Nick unscrewed the cap, keenly aware of Mason's curious eyes on him. He took a hesitant sip, as there was a time where he would never have trusted Schmidt to make him a mysterious drink, and was pleasantly surprised.

_Oh. _

_Rum and Coke. _

Classic.

He chuckled and sent another glance Schmidt's way. As if on cue, Schmidt turned just in time. Nick tipped the bottle towards his friend, and Schmidt responded with a laugh.

"Is that Schmidt Juice?"

Nick's head shot around to Mason, looking as innocent as his question was probably supposed to sound. However, Nick snorted so hard, he felt the unpleasant sensation of fizz and alcohol shoot up his nose. Jess didn't even bother to contain her giggles.

"_What_ did you just call it?" Nick sputtered.

"_Schmidt Juice_," Mason confirmed, apparently proud for remembering. "He said he was gonna give you some of his special juice when we were in the car."

Leave it to Schmidt to give his ten-year-old a phrase that could be taken in many different ways. It was even more suspicious considering that the source was _Schmidt_.

"I'm going to need more of this stuff if you're going to keep saying that," Nick groaned, leaning up against the cooler. Mason hardly had enough time to get a word out before Nick spotted a familiar body running towards them. Her sundress bounced shadows across the sand, and for the first time, Nick noticed how much more populated the beach had gotten in the past thirty minutes.

"Well, look who it is," Nick commented, his voice dripping sarcasm. "To what do we owe this honor?"

She plopped down right next to him. "Very funny, Dad."

"I mean, you've been sixteen not even a _day_ and you act like we don't even _exist_…"

"Aly's not quite sixteen yet," Jess winked, settling in next to Mason. He smiled at his sister, and she responded likewise. They'd been so concerned when Mason was born that the age difference would be too big, but it seemed to work for them. Aly was a pretty jealous type, not unlike Nick, and when Mason came along, Nick was glad she was old enough to at least _understand_ why they weren't going to be giving her all the attention.

"Actually, Mom," Aly quipped, interrupting Nick's thoughts, "My _driver's license_ says – "

"It's still a learner's permit until the DMV opens tomorrow," Nick defended. Aly glared at him. There were many perks of having a birthday on a national holiday - like having both parents always off of work - though this was not one of them.

"Gee, thanks for raining on my parade."

"Anytime," he smiled innocently. Mason giggled from Nick's other side, clearly enjoying the teasing his sister was getting. "But I am glad you made it back in time."

This time, he got a genuine smile out of her. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"_Shhhh_!" Jess commanded, just as all eyes on the beach began to look up into the darkness. A high-pitched whine followed a tiny little streak in the sky, until reaching the very top of their few. The flare let off its glow and expanded into a burst of colors.

The resounding _pop_ sent a chorus of _oohs_ and _ahs_ through the crowd gathered on the beach. Mason gleefully pointed up as more flashes went off, this time with glittering trails that lingered on the horizon. He tugged at Nick's sleeve in various intervals, and Nick nodded dutifully.

Jess and Aly, however, remained quiet.

He knew Jess was miles away. As she stared up at the fireworks, he knew that her mind was back to that very day sixteen years ago. Whatever pain, whatever sacrifices that she had made to get there always lingered when Aly's birthday came around.

At first, Nick had longed to share that memory with her. Aly's birthday always came with a mixed bag of emotions, for both of them. But, as the years progressed, as they really _learned_ how to raise a child together – especially after Mason was born – he started to realize that there were no guarantees that there would've been a happy ending had Jess stayed that night.

Their fights were still epic. They were still too stubborn for their own good. They still got on each other's last nerve. There were periods of time where he thought his head would explode from frustration.

But, despite everything, they were still Nick and Jess, and they would always be in a state of learning how to deal with each other. Even after a span of over sixteen years.

Jess caught his gaze and he could spot the gleam of a tear forming in the corners of her eyes. Nick reached behind Mason and covered Jess's hand with his own. Her smooth skin was a welcome contrast to the scratchy sand around it.

The fireworks illuminated her face as they went off and cast dark shadows in their absence. Nick smiled at her knowingly.

The show continued on for a few more minutes, before the grand finale surely illuminated the skies for miles around. Nick closed his eyes as he knew the last ones were going off, trying to hold onto the moment for as long as he could.

Life had been entirely too kind to him, and he'd started to realize that more and more over the past few years.

Before he could get much into that thought, though, Jess got up and pulled her purse out from behind the cooler. Nick smiled as he watched her pull out a neatly wrapped box from the outside pocket.

She knelt down in front of Aly, holding the box out in front of her.

"Happy birthday, Allison," she whispered.

Aly's eyes went wide, gingerly taking the box from her mom. Her eyes flickered between Nick and Jess, evidently surprised.

"I thought you said that the car was enough to be my only – "

"Well, we lied," Nick laughed, but Aly still looked disbelieving. "Seriously, open it."

She pulled the ribbon off the top and pulled at the tape on the wrapping paper, so much like Jess opened presents. Christmas morning was always interesting at their house, as he and Mason were more of the types to just _rip_ everything open.

Once she had coaxed the paper off, she pulled the top off of the little box. She gasped.

"Mom… It's so _pretty_…"

She pulled out the pendant, the moonlight catching the smooth edges of the silver. It was shaped a butterfly, dangling carefully from one wing. It wasn't an intricate design. In fact, when Jess had pointed it out, Nick had thought it was beautiful in it's simplicity. It was like someone had taken a single brushstroke to draw the butterfly, and then it was put into silver.

Jess helped Aly get the chain around her neck, and before Aly could look down to see how it looked, she pulled her mother into a tight hug.

"Thank you, thank you, _thank you_!" She squealed. "I _love_ it!"

"Don't just thank me, you're father helped," Jess replied, hugging her just a little tighter.

Aly let go and leaned over to Nick. He opened his arms and she fell into them.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he whispered.

"Thank you, Daddy," she breathed into his shoulder. He held her close again, amazed. Two hugs in one day? Good stuff.

"_Hey!" _ Nick heard Mason yell from behind them. "I helped _too_!"

Aly pulled away, smirking back at Nick, then her attention turned to her little brother. "Oh you did, did you?"

"_Duh_," Mason drawled, starting into another story, and Aly stood up to follow him as he inched away. Jess an Aly exchanged glances, in what Nick could only assume was a female-only conversation that consisted of _'meet back at the car?'_ kind of things.

He watched his kids walk away, Mason's story keeping Aly laughing until they disappeared into the crowd leaving the beach.

Nick began rolling up towels, stuffing them back into the beach bag in an effort that Jess chose not to watch. He never knew how women could get so many things to fit into such small bags, and it tended to annoy Jess when he didn't even bother to attempt to figure it out.

Once he was done, though, he stood up and felt her delicate hand slip into his.

"We've had a good run, haven't we?" She commented as they started back to the car.

He chuckled. "Well, that's one way to sound ominous, I'll give you that."

"Not what I meant!" Jess laughed, the sparkle still clear in her eyes, even in the dark. "It's just… This whole thing turned out better than I ever imagined."

Nick knew the warmth he felt surround him wasn't from the California summer anymore.

"It has," he agreed, squeezing her hand. "And I've loved every minute of it. Including you."

"If you're trying to tell me that you love me," Jess smirked, "then I love you, too."

Nick stopped then, pulling Jess back from the crowd. She gave him a look, but didn't resist. He put down the beach bag on the sand and took the cooler from her grasp.

"How's this?" He asked, pulling her close to him, kissing her lightly on the cheek before moving his lips to her ear. "I love you, Jessica."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "That was _fantastic_," she replied, matter-of-factly. Nick chuckled, then shifted again to face her. His had found the back of her head, and he pulled her forward as he lowered his lips to hers.

She responded just as eagerly, reveling in their first moment alone all day. Her arms wound around his neck, and Nick's hand found her waist. Two kids later, and they still had an insatiable desire to be _all over_ each other.

Their lips moved together, an art perfected over the twelve years that they had been married (and a lot before that, too). There was a great sense of fulfillment in it.

Jess eventually did pull away, always the responsible one. They did have two kids that would (hopefully) be waiting for them at the car.

They were silent as they picked up the rest of their beach gear and started toward the car. Nick found Jess's hand again, though, and she started humming a tried-and-true song as walked.

Nick chose not to join in this time, if for nothing else than to really appreciate the words that floated in his head at each note. There had been a lot of times that Nick had felt truly alone in his life, but those moments had become quite scarce over the past thirteen years.

As he spotted his kids leaning up against the car, play-fighting like siblings so often did, he gave Jess's hand one last squeeze.

Being lonely wasn't something he ever really had to worry about… At all.

Not anymore.

_So don't let me be, let me be, let me be lonely tonight  
While we're young and alive  
Take the keys to my car and the keys to my heart and just drive  
Oh don't let me, let me be lonely  
Don't let me be lonely  
Don't… Don't let me be lonely_

_No, don't let me be_  
_Oh, lonely_

**The End  
**


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